I have a young child that never has seen his father..PLZ help me!
By April
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
United States
October 22, 2006 9:25pm CST
I was once a druggy and alcoholic partying machine in my younger days,,to be honest til I was 29...I had no cares in the world but partying and my job..One night I made a Huge mistake and slept with one of my bestfriends b/f..they were having problems and in the mist of talking about slpitting..but werent yet..and never did..they ended up gettin married a year later..anwho..one night we got a bit messed up..and im not excusing it..things happened.and we...slept together,,and 2 mths later i found I was pregnenet,,when I knew I asked him one night on the computer...and asked him if it was him...would be want to know? AND HE thought about it for a long time..and said NO.,..i thought about it the whole time I was prego..and made the decision not to tell him...there are so many factors why..it would ruin my family, dont ask why,,.it would trust me..and ruin my sons life..mine i wouldnt care but he is an innocent..and wouldnt deserve the hatred..I love my best friend,and her family and it would ruin them..I have thought about telling him..just so he knows..but i wasnt sure what i wanted to do..now hes 4..and he doesnt ask about him much yet.,.but he will...and I dont know if it would make things better or worse..cuz he would want to spend time with him..even though i know it wouldnt happen and then everyone would know and the hatred begin..I am thinking toi stick to the fact that i was on drugs and drunk and dotn know who he is..and let it be...i think its the best thing to do..for his sake..i dont want to hurt him..what do you think? thanx for your help...
1 person likes this
8 responses
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
28 Nov 06
Honestly i wouldnt lie if i was you, Your son deverse's to know the truth even if this guy wants nothing to do with him then you owe it to yourself your child and this man and his wife to be upfront and honest, Trust me it will come out one day! My sons father has never met him but he knows he has a child it was his choice not to have anything to do with his child, My son never ask questions but one day he will and when that day comes i will be completely honest with him, My son has a step dad who he loves dearly he doesnt call him dad but he classes him as his dad if you know what i mean.
Even if you just told this guy in private and asked him what he thinks is best to do and if you both decide you would prefer to leave the past in the past and not bring it all up then thats fine but atleast give this guy the option! Like you said you asked him when you were pregnant your son is now 4 years old so i am sure he has grown up and may feel differently may know!
@floramwaters (1595)
• United States
23 Oct 06
Are you still freinds with this guy? If you are I think for now I would not say anyhting but try to spend alot of time around them. This way your son still knows his father, even if he does not know it is his father, but you will. And later when the time is right you can tell him everything. And let your son decide what he wants to do. If you are no longer friends then I think you should go ahead and at least tell the father if no one else and he can decide what he wants to do.
@tarheelnancy (1317)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I agree with this comment, good choice on best response! I think though I would go ahead and tell the father discreetly and let him decide. Tell him you won't say anything to anyone if that is what he wants but also let him know the child will be told later on in life because he WILL want to know. Its a very tough decision to make and it doesn't always end up well. I wish you only the very best outcome on this.
@spirit1949 (373)
•
29 Nov 06
I think in the end you made the right decision, its a very hard thing you had to do, but we all make mistakes, my daughter as just done what you did, and now she's up the duff also, but she decided after searching her heart that, with having 2 kids already, she felt she couldn't cope with another, and on her own, and the guy doesn't want to know, so she terminated the preg'any today. She's upset because of what she had to do, but we all have lesson is learn in this world, and like you she made her bed and as to live with the outcome of a night out on the tiles.
2 people like this
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
• United States
29 Nov 06
I want to thank you from the botom of my heart for all what you have said..no one really understand the circumstances and its not as easy as just telling him..and lettting it out..if he doesnt want anything to do with him why put him threw all the pain and sufferinf that would come out of it..for what?? just to be denied..and then having people hate him..AND..your a very kind and sweet man..and very understanding..I wihs I could give out another best repsonse to you..thanks yo and have a great day!!
1 person likes this
@dreamsncharms (1340)
• United States
29 Nov 06
That is a tough one. You have to ask yourself and think if your son's life would benefit from having him in his life as a father or not. Do they look alike? The father and his wife may look at your son.. and notice that they look alike.
1 person likes this
@phdmoneymaker (2297)
• Singapore
29 Nov 06
hurt? i think you should tell him, and your best friend, who cares about hurting their family blah blah blah, he should well be responsible of what he has done..
1 person likes this
@Aali311 (6112)
• United States
23 Oct 06
You need to have the truth come out for your son's sake and the fathers also, don't live a lie, be a woman and face up to it, so what it was a mistake and you are human, and it happens. Give it a shot, it might not be as bad as you think. Good luck.
@lilttownmommie (1473)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I agree with some of the other comments, I would go ahead and tell the father, and let him decide the outcome, let him know that it is his decision on who else knows, and let him know that when the child is old enough to understand, probably around the next 10 years or so that you are going to tell your son, and he may coming looking for him, just so he knows. I wish you the best with this situation, and i hope it all works out for the best. Good Luck
