Would you stay in an abusive relationship?

I've been married twice... I've been divorced twice.... People say there must be something seriously wrong with me to be married and divorced so many times and be so young. What it boils down to is this: I will NOT be physically or verbally abused by anyone. They get three strikes before they're out - and that includes seeking professional help. In both cases, they refused and it made things so much worse for me when I made the suggestion. I ran for my life the first time - fled from Oregon to New York. The second time I had two children and I was running for all our lives because I would NEVER tolerate them being treated as I was.

hello and miss you. anyway, i know friends who are in abusive relationships. and yet, they always try to keep in a relationship hoping tha tone day their partners will change. friends with kids say that they are keeping the marriage alive for the sake of their children. but i feel so sorry for them. they allow their partners to hurt them... slowly, they lose self respect and self confidence. i hope they will allow others to help them as well. as for me, i had been in an abusive relationship, too before. but not physically abused... i say, emotionally abused. but just like my friends, i hoped for the best.. looking for days that one day, he will soon realize that he is wrong and that he will still renew. but that day never came. and after 8 years, i came to my senses and realized that i should love myself more and move on in life without him. and i am glad i did.

I wouldn't stay in an abusive relationship either, but women who do need help. They need therapy to help them understand that they do not need to life this way. They often lack self esteem and figure they cannot live without this man or if they do leave him they guy will kill them. They usually leave the man at least 5 to seven times before they make the final break. Each time they go back because they believe the guy will change and of course he never does.

There are a lot of circumstances in which applies to different people. i have no way of judging what someone should or should not do.. i, however, would NEVER stay. no matter what. there is help available out there, and if not, I would help myself!!

I was in one; was married to a man who in the end abused me; I left; because of it, I got divorced, he got the kids because I ended up having to move back to the deep south, and couldn't get no job at first; it caused me a lot of anxiety. when the divorce occurred, I was ordered to pay child support, and they claimed i made up the abuse and all. I don't care. God knows the deal. But to answer the question, no pun intended, HELL NO. because of it, I just haven't entered another relationship. When I do decide to give a man a chance, something happens for it to not work out.I am at a point now where I would like to meet a good man, but stuff like that just makes me a bit nervous.

self respect is very important for me,i would not take any physical,verbal and emotional abuse,i would get out of the relationship,i am human and can tolerate to a limit,not beyond that,she should leave him,she can earn,and can be independent and one day she will get her true love,with whom she can be happy, why tolerate an abuser

Yes Sweetie she is scared very scared and there is no one that can take that fear away from her, she is the only one that can do it Your Friend can only be there for her but do not pressure her to much as it might have consequences I just hope it does not take her to long to pick up the courage here I really do Some People are strong and will get out of it and others are weak and take a long time to get out of it I am surprised that the Hospital is not questioning, she needs to get out Guide her do not pressure her

when you a strong mentally. you have a better chance of not falling prey to men like this. i don't know if you choice to deal with this kind of relationship. when you are weak and hurt, and someone is loving you, and slowly that "love" turns to something else like hurt words or fist. it can brake you. some people confuss love with self hate. or love with hitting. it is very sad to see anyone in this kind of relationship. but if you allow anyone to take advantage of you, you are only a bad word or a hit away from being like your friend. so make sure you think about what you are WILLING TO PUT UP WITH. that goes to all women reading this post.

that woman does not know at all how to deal with the problem. she has resigned to receiving the abuses and that more are coming. next time that her partner abuses her again, your friend can undertake the necessary step. she can call in the police to intervene. unless this woman receives professional help, she has no grasp as to what is really happening to her all this time. i believe that in your country, the police will still help if it is a third party that phones in for help. this is so in ours.

I can honestly tell you | would not. I know because had the chance to leave and I did on two occasions and am now married to a wonderful man! I really truly do not understand why some women stay. Hit me once possible I would stay to see what that all means, hit me twice I am gone!

No woman likes being abuse, most live in fear every minutes of the day. Why don't woman leave?, well this can be for several reasons. Some are so afraid of being alone that they stay because they think well if he is hitting me at least I am not alone. Some are so afraid that if they do leave the man will just find them anyway and maybe even kill them. Some stay because they have no money and don't know how they will survive. Most abusers make sure they cut off all money, friends and family little by little until the woman is isolated and alone. They degrade the woman, bring down her self esteem possibly telling her she is lucky to even have him because no man would ever want her. Some stay because the man cries after a beating and swears this is he last time and says how sorry he is ect... so the woman (because she truly loves him) believes he will change. I have been there, I made all the excuses in the world not to leave. The final straw was when he hit my child. I have now been in hiding since 1993. I truly believe the man will kill me if he ever locates me. I live in fear every day watching over my shoulder every where I go. The night the police finally saved me (it only took them 45 minutes after I called 911) he told me if he couldn't have me no one could. Believe it or not the police were actually no help that night, he was not arrested or anything. I had to go through a angency to help file charges against him. He served only 2 weeks in the county jail. My children and I are serving a life sentence of fear, how is this fair? So whatever her reason is for not leaving there is nothing your friend can do to convince her, she has to come to the realization of what he is and that she needs to leave. Forcing her will only cause her to hold on tighter and push your friend away. The only thing your friend can do is be there for her and give her the support of knowing she isn't alone.

I have been in several abusive relationships, its never good to stay. I found myself dating a wonderful football player in highschool, he was everyone's dreamboat. His name was Steven Mills, every girl in school was droopy eyed over him. One day he asked me if it hurt, I questioned "what?". He said " when you fell from heaven", which was lame; but he was so dreamy. (well back then) We started dating and going out to the movies and dinner. Things started off really well, until about three months into the relationship. Steven and I were watching a movie at his parents house, just cuddling and enjoying the nice warmth of the blanket on the couch. He turned to me and asked me if I minded him kissing me, and I replied "no" ( duh that's what I wanted). He kissed me and proceeded to touch me in places i'd rather not mention, without asking! I pushed him away and instead of apologizing or trying to explain himself he slapped me. Shocked by what he had done i left, I didn't cry or get upset just shocked. I when home and just sat in my room trying to grasp what had just happened, and why. The next day at school he gave me a three page letter explaining that he was going through a rough time and was sorry. I finally after a couple of days forgave him, our relationship continued after that. Everything went steady and fine again, until about 5 months into the relationship. Again we were watching television at his house, and cuddled up I might add. He got up to get a drink and I changed the channel from monster truks, to cartoon network( I loved cartoons). He came back calmly sat down asked me for the remote, and then threw it at my face. He looked at me and said, "won't change the channel again will ya?". It was scary, so I got up to leave again. As I gathered my things he watched me, I got the the door and he grabbed me by the hair and threw me down. He just started hitting me with the remote over and over again, so since I couldn't fight him off I did the next best thing I covered my face and protected myself. After he stopped beating me I went home, my mother wasn't home so i did what I could with my face. To my luck and surprise she didn't notice the scratches or bruises. I did a good cover up job. The next day at school he informed me that we were no longer a couple, and thats the last I heard from him. That was one of the easier abusive relationships I had, much easier. I find that if you love someone sometimes you care so much that you believe they can change no matter what they do to you or how many times they do it. I really think that its a bad deal for some girls, because you know they aren't going to change in the back of your head; but you still don't listen. I think that your friend should get out as soon and as fast as she can, its not good this relationship. Someday it could be worse than bruises and broken bones, someday she might not wake up. You need to gently remind her of this, and tell her that as a friend you don't want to have to bury her. Just be a friend and help her get out and get out fast, just be there for her to help in any way she may need. If she's getting out its going to be a battle, and hard one at that.

It took an abusive relationship for me to be the strong woman I am today. He hit me a few times and I sat back and thought "What the Hell are you doing? Your dad taught you better than that." So I ended it and as he came to strike me I knocked him down to the ground. I do not take anything from anyone you will not abuse me. I will not stand for it no matter how much i love you. I wish your friend luck. For some it is harder to find the strength. I pray that she will, before it's too late.

Wow, tell her to leave him, She isnt worth him if he's going to have to beat her down with both physical and verbal abuse. It isn't right. You should help her, if you haven't? And no, I could not stay in a abusive relationship. One of my old boyfriends wanted to kiss and etc, all the damn time. It was sort of abusive cause he held me down and crap but i broke it off before it got worse?

Never, i would get out as soon as its starts,as if you dont it will never stop

I agree with you - I would not stay in an abusive relationship. I would go after the first insident. I hope. I think it is very hard to be absolutely certain of what one would do before one is in the situation oneself. And I hope neither of us ever get to experience it. I have been working with several women that are in abusive relationships. I think the reason several of them stayed for a log time is that if often starts with small things - emotional abuse. If it starts gradually i think many of them gets broken down bit by bit before the fist physical abuse insisdent. maybe they are no longer strong enough to deal with it. I think this is very scary. More women should learn more about it in order to be able to recognice the first small signs that there is something wrong with their relationship. I have seen the strongest brightes women become beaten down, and loose themselves due to abuse from their men. many of them swore they would never stay in a relationship like that, but somehow they did anyways. I hope your friends friend gets help - I think someone else has to reposrt it to thye police. She might never get the strength to do anything about it herself.

I would never stay in an abusive relationship, but then again i am not in that kind of a relationship, and it is very easy to say alote of things, and advice alote of things, which are probably right, but for the person that is being abused it is not so easy. Maybe she loves him, and thinks that this is a stage in the relationship that will be soon over. Maybe she is too scared to leave? Maybe her self esteem is so low, that she does not think that she deserves any better, and this is the best that she can find? I think that it is a very hard situation. The first thing that you should do is listen to her. After doing that a few times, maybe it would be easier to convince her to leave him.

I hope your relationship tens to someone and gets out of that relationship before it is too late. I don't know why some people stay maybe they are in so much fear by what the abuser is threatening them with if they do leave. I was in a bad relationship once and my ex threatened to burn my parents house down with them in it If I left him. I got out of that one real quick. It could be that he is making some serious threats. I don't know. I would try to convince her to get out.

I think with this situation it is easier to say than to do. It's not that they don't want to leave. But If they have been in this relationship for a while, majority of the time it is a mind game. Therefore mentally she is afraid of what he can do, especially if he is also psyical with it. He has shown her what he will do and probably has made lots of threats too. Yea you can go to the police, but they cannot protect yoiu 24/7. Shelters are okay to go to but for some it's the point of actually going to one. Or maybe this person is so cruel he has threaten to hurt those she know. I also know some one who was in this situation, this person even ended up marry him. the only thing is that he end up cheating, got into with someone hurt them bad and no has went to jail. She is released form those worries and hopefully will move on and better her life. GET her confidence back. I think that's a great start. But all we can do is support them, encourage them, and do what's right in the end.

Well, i honestly believe that people that do stay in abusive relationships have a lack of respect for themselves. Its not the abuse that keeps them there its the way he acts after he hits her that keeps her there, he's the sweetest thing in the world when they make-up, she might even keep an attitude with him just so he can continue kissing her a#*, she needs that type of love, and its pretty sad that she feels like thats what she deserves, there rarely is help for woman inthat situation, its sad to say there has to be a real eye-opening situation to take place and then she will wake up and snap out of it.