Switching Roles

I've been in this position pretty much my entire life. There have been moments when my mother has taken her mother role seriously and then there are times like now when she does not. I can't think why this would occur either, but it does. She acts like a teenager all the time. I mean, she didn't have me young or anything, she was 21, well into her adult years. It's not like she was a teen mom or anything and had to grow up too fast. She just skirts out on her duties and tries to act like a teenager all too often and I never acted like that even when I was a teen! I'm 20 now, and I never once acted like she does. It's sad and pathetic.

My mom is 76 years old, and she is a gambling addict. My sister and I have been trying to help her with her finances, but she is like a little kid now. You ask her a question and you know that she's lying, "no, no, I didn't do that!" I have always heard that as you grow older you revert back to childhood. I see that with my mother, and it is hard for both my sister and I, my brother does not spend a lot of time with mom. But, it is sad that you are kind of having to put your life on hold to get things straight with your mom. We are to the point where we are going to have to take control of her finances, too many bad checks, and late payments. She has a really good SSI income, but it is gone by the 15th of the month. She doesn't have to pay rent, utilities or groceries, my sister does all that because mom lives with her. She has her insurance, and medical bills, but not enough to make her broke by the 15th of the month! I wish you the best of luck!

i haven't been in a situation like yours. but i understand your concern. you are being puzzled on whether to stay at home or to live near school. but i still believe you love your mom so much that even if she's the cause why you are having this discussion, you still have that love for your mom. i hope that you can open up with your mom and tell her about how you feel. i am sure that somehow, through talking to her about this issue, she will understand you more.

Yes, and the only solution was called Tough Love. I got fed up. I started letting my mom throw her fits and I would walk away. If she wanted something at the store, I would tell her that she could buy it with her money. If she didn't have money for other things, not my problem. Once she realized that I wasn't going to let her get away with acting like child anymore, she stopped.

I am judging that as you have said "for the past couple of years" your mother did hold her role as a parent when you was younger. If as you have said your sister is old enough to make her own choices, i think you should now concentrate on what is right for you. It may seem sefish but if you consider that you are only young youreself and these are some experiences that you will only have the chance to do once, i think you will realise that you have the right to a good quality of life to. Your mum is now at a time in her life where perhaps she is beggining to relaise that she missed out on a lot in her younger life andd she wants to catch up. It is not however fair for her to expect for you to do the same. Perhaps you could compromise and show your mum you appreciate what she has done and given up for her children and spend some weekends at home, helping with your sister and the household every now and then.

Your mom may be going through a midlife crisis. At this time of hormonal changes, a person reviews events in his/her life, feels nostalgia for younger days, regrets choices made years ago, speculates on what could have been if she/he had taken another bend in the road, and feels either euphoria or despair at perceived failures and achievements. This is why middle-aged men buy sports cars, women date younger men and think of cosmetic surgery, etc. they make a last hurrah effort because of the sense that their bodies are aging. be understanding, this is a passing phase of your mom's life.