nasty Sister in law

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Recently my partners family were all invited to go to a very close family friends childrens naming day we had the invitation for about 3 months and all replied except for my partners brother and his wife, now the people that we are going to their kids naming day were his best friends until his wife came along and didnt like them so she has been tearing him away from them ever since and sadly from his family aswell, now she had known about this naming day for as long as we have and she waited until we all replied and said that we would go to this naming day and then turned around and organised her sons christening on the same day and now we are the bad people because we have already said that we would go to our friends kids naming day, where at least we will feel welcome. We have not had an official invitation and have only been told about this through the family, but if we dont get an invitation we cant go can we, and now even if we do get the invitation we cant attend anyway as it will be 200kms away and we dont have the money to pay for the fuel and for a night away due to only having one income at the moment as I am on maternity leave.... what would you do in this situation, would you have a go at her for what she has done or just accept that she doesnt want to have anything to do with her partners family and will do anything to drive them away? I have no doubt that she will go up there and tell everyone that we didnt attend and how rude it is for his family not to come but she deliberately did this so that we would go.