Do you give money on loan to your friends?
By dpk262006
@dpk262006 (58676)
Delhi, India
May 26, 2007 1:45am CST
Dear friends, I would like to know do you easily give money on loan to your friends or relatives, if they ask for it...or do you have courage to say 'NO' to them in money matters. Sometimes loan is asked for by colleagues, friends and relatives for few days and they promise to return it...but they do not. I normally do not refuse. But the problem arises when friends, colleagues or relatives do not return the loan amount, even after lapse of considerable period of time. I find it very difficult to ask them to return my money...because I feel they might feel bad. Although, I think I helped them...when they were in need...they should themselves return the money timely...but sometimes they do not return or say sorry for delay. I think the situation becomes uneasy - if you do not remind them to return the money...you are the sufferer (and you are at the receive end) and if you ask them...to return..there is always a possibility of your being mis-understood by them...(that whey cannot I wait for more days for my money).
What are your expereinces and policy in this regard and what methods do you adopt to get back your money in such cases. Please do share your thoughts with me. I shall be thankful to you.
5 people like this
25 responses
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
28 May 07
oh deepak, you are rich!!!!!!!!
i cannot even think of lending out huge sum, even if i want to, i donot have any. LOL...
however, i do give money to the group 4 staff in our hospital who cannot afford some kind of urgent blood tests or any investigations that require affordable money. so, i never want it back, it feels good and i feel, more than helping them, i am helping myself in my own little way.
i know, deepak, given the kind of person you are, it must be very difficult to say NO or to ask for the money back later on. but dear, we all should learn to say NO in certain conditions and there are so many nice ways to say so. and as for asking back for it, you should do it without any hesitation, for God's sake, its YOUR hard earned money!!
deepak, here, i would like to share something. i feel, its
always better to make someone learn fishing than to provide him with the fish everday. he should know the means to earn money or to save it and you can always show him the way instead of actually lending money.
thanx for a nice post.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
29 May 07
Oh! dear I was anxiously waiting for your inputs on my discussion. I knew inputs and thoughts are going to be to the point, practical and on the dot. And indeed, they are....I got the inputs what I was expecting.
Let me make it clear....I am not rich...but whatever funds I have...if someone asks me say friends/colleagues in office...I normally do not say 'no'. To lend money to group 'D' staff is always very tricky and risky, as well. I had had really some very bitter experiences, when even after promises...group 'D' staff ditched me and never repaid my money...so I remain very cautious in lending money to them...though...sometimes I cannot stop myself...I feel they might be having financial constraints...so if I can help them...I should help them out...(but 'sympathy' dikhana ki bari bhaari par jata hai...).
You are a great person...who helps group 'D' staff for their medical expeneses....if you feel good in your heart...that you are doing some charity or great thing...no problem....but how do you decide...who is in genuine need...and who is not....or you treat everybody alike?
You say - "we should learn to say 'NO' in certain conditions"
Mimpi, I shall really be thankful to you...if you could tell me...how to say 'No' politely to someone asking for money, so that he may not feel bad...Pl. do tell me some tricks...I am lacking this thing.
I know it is my hard money...so I should ask the borrower to return it to me...but sometimes...if I hesitate....I become the sufferer.
Once my senior Boss asked for Rs.500/- and promised to return the money after two days...he did not return it even after one month. After one month ...when I hesitantly asked him...'Sir, I had given you Rs.500/- and you were supposed to return it to me...You know what he replied - "Oh! I forgot that I had taken some money from you tumaney majhey pahley yaad kyaun nahi dilaya (why did you not remind me earlier about this?).
Aab 500 raupey bhi udhar do...aur boss ko yaad bhi diloa....Sir, aapko merey paise lotana hai.......how funny...it looks....LOl!)
Please also tell me how to ask others in a polite and diplomatic manner to return my money which I landed to them in their hour of need.
Shall be grateful for your reply.
deepak
@worthy (2413)
• India
8 Jun 07
We usually were not allowed to carry cash to school.But sometimes we had to deposit money for some fete or scholastic books,for which we took cash to school.A couple of times friends who ran out of money for the additional book they wanted to order for,they would ask me if I had some cash left.So that,s how I have ended up giving a few hundreds to my friends.Mostly they used to return it.Those who didn't,I thought not to give them if they asked again.But they never asked again.lol.:)
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
11 Jun 07
Worthy!
Hi!
Thanks for sharing your experiences and views.
deepak
@limcyjain (3516)
• India
26 May 07
No i do not give loan to my friends. I cant risk giving my hard earned money to someone from whom it would be difficult for me to ask the same back. I agree with you that combining money with relationships would always make you on the loosing end. You are either risking your relationship or your money.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
5 Jun 07
Very good and practical attitutude. I appreciate it.
Thanks for replying.
@apakabar2007 (1693)
• Netherlands
8 Jun 07
I've been in that situations and I certainly didn't like it. I'd say NO or just find some excuses when somebody/friends/relatives try to loan some money from me. I certainly don't want to ruin my relationship with them just because of money, regardless all those sweet talking and promises. If they desperately need it and can't find any way out of their problems....then I might give them what I think enough amount of money but not expected them to return the money....
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
11 Jun 07
Yes, I agree it is better to be safe and feel sorry at a later date.
@fredgame (1260)
• China
29 May 07
In i really sympathise with you on such matters. When it comes to money matters relations take a different directions and moods.
Some relatives come as borrowers but in actual fact they want the money and not to repay. They think if they say "give me money, you may not give so they say lend me such an amount". when you ask they may rather end it up in a querrel. I have experienced this before.
i think it might be difficult to get the money back. one way you can get the money is if you know the type of job and their pay days, you target those days and launch an attack on them for your money. since he/she has the money and you're there at the right time it will be difficult to refuse payment.
what i do is determine whether you're a worker and can pay the money then give out but if i know you can't pay it i just give out the amount i know if you don't pay it'll not worry me too much.
1 person likes this
@aidonia (4209)
• Greece
26 May 07
I do give but not so much anymore.I mean when we was younger and we study many of my friends need some money but now the most of them they have a nice life and don't need to loan money.
From the other way My husband maybe because he has shops and be keep in touch with more people ,very often they ask from him loan some money.He gave maybe not to all but at least at him friends (yes they are few people even if they aren't your friend haven't any problem to ask loan money).The problem is he hate asking back him money to those don't come to give.
i never don't understand how someone can do ...it's easy you coma as a friend and tell that you face a problem and you need few more days to give back the money.at least these show that you respect the friendship you have with the person you loan money for.....but NO,you just lost them and YOU must try find ,and run behind them.Very unfair...
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
28 May 07
Hello Aidonia!
How are you!
You caught the point, which I was trying to make. It is always difficult to ask someone to return the money, he borrowed from you....and life and relations are such...you cannot say "NO" to everyone for lending him the money.
Have a Nice Day!
Deepak
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
27 May 07
I don't give it out easily but I have lent out money in the past only if I had any to lend out. It would also depend on why they needed the money. If the amount of money they borrowed is like $5-$20 then if they pay it back its ok, but if they don't, depending on who it is, i usually just let it slide. If they request for larger amounts then if they don't pay back within a certain timeframe, then I go and ask for it back. I think its important to remind them of or else they will forget easily and won't bother to repay it back.
Sometimes I have told them that they would need to ask my husband as he holds the bank account (this usually deters people from asking me for money all the time because they don't feel comfortable in asking my husband).
@easy888 (10405)
• Australia
26 May 07
Hello,deepak,I seldom lend money to my friend because my budget is so tight that i do not have extra money to lend out. Of course if i have money and when my best friends need it,i will lend it out to them,but if someone who is well known for not repaying money,i will definitely not loan to them,I do not want to ask them to repay every month,I think borrowers should repay the money on time and never wait for the lenders to ask them to repay.
I think you should only loan money to someone only when your life will not be affected even they do not repay you.
Good luck
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
28 May 07
Anna! How are you?
Thanks for replying.
The question here is whom to rely..and whom to not...if you have any prior knowledge about a person's dubious integrity..you will not lend him/her the money..But if someone is asking for the first time...and he has a good image or say reputation....you lend him the money...but later on the money is not re-paid...you feel that you have unnecessary landed yourself in trouble. Sometimes it becomes very tricky to say "NO" and if you lend the money out of sympathy to a known person...you may land yourself in trouble.
deepak
deepak
@subathra (3519)
• India
26 May 07
Very much true, as when we lend money to our friends we feel much embrassed to ask them in return when it gets delayed on their part.
As you say our friends to whom we have helped in the needy time should understand us and return us the borrowed money as we may sometimes need it urgently for our purpose.
Once one of my friend asked me some money to meet her fathers medical expenses.With my moms permission from the funds we had kept for paying a bill.She promised me to return back within 2 weeks.But unfortunately she could not and said sorry for the delay.I was put into a tough time as i need to pay the bill within a date and i dont have sufficient fund.I was so reluctant to tell my position to her and managed to pay the bill somehow.
I think we should be open to our friends to explain our position so that they can help us otherwise we have to face the problem.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
1 Jun 07
Suba,
So in your views lending money is risking...but due to our nature or other comulsions, we do give money to dear friends...and later on repent...if it is not returned.
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
deepak
@eachen2002 (889)
• United States
27 May 07
I know how you feel.I have relatives that I lend money to or just outright pay for them.I feel taken advantage of sometimes.I try not to but it's hard.Maybe you ask your friend for a loan and then you be even.
@enkayblog (69)
• United States
27 May 07
I have been fortunate to be in a business that has been lucrative for me since i was 13. I am 19 now and am certainly more well off than others my age and what has happened over the years is that people have seen this and approached me for monetary help. To be honest, I cant deny anyone help when they are in need and when its non-monetary i usually say yes. For monetary help i usually see who I am talking to. I help in whatever way i can but there are certain people in my life who have always been a great help and whenever they approach me I offer them whatever i have without any regrets! it just depends on the person i guess!
1 person likes this
@mommymakingmoney (42)
• Philippines
11 Jul 07
sometimes this became problems between friends. What I usually do in order for me to protect our friendship is to give her whatever I can to the money she need. I don't expect any return at all. In that way, I was able to help her. So, it became my principle that whenever I give money to other people, never expect for any return.
1 person likes this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
26 May 07
If a friend or family member really needs the money i would not say no. I have lent money to friends a couple time sin the past and have always been returned the money without asking for it. But I also see no reason to not ask for your own money if you need it.
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
26 May 07
A rule of thumb : Before you decide to lend money to anyone, you need to be prepared that the money will not be returned.
If the person returns, it is bonus to you since you are already prepared to lose it. If the person does not return the money, it is just as well. You are already prepared to do charity.
It is not me to lend money to anyone who just open their mouth as I do not believe in incalcating the wrong "value" in their mind. I need to know the need for money before any loan is offered. At times, instead of giving them the money, I ask for the bill if they need the money to settle some bills. If they are unable to give me a reasonable excuse for a loan, they know better than to insist on getting a loan.
1 person likes this
@senthil2k (1500)
• India
26 May 07
Yes. I have lend money to many of my friends. But all these friends are my most trustworthy friends. I know, they can promptly return my money back. And it has happened too..
One most important thing that should be done before giving money to friends is that, Tell them that you are giving the money just to help them, not for them to keep. Also tell them that you are giving the money with the expectation that they will return it at 'specific' date. Also tell them what plans you have with the money on that date, which will make them to think about returning the money promptly...
1 person likes this
@Keleidescope (204)
• United States
26 May 07
If it's a serious loan, I can't do that. I'm a college student with very little money. If they want five bucks, I'll hand it over if I can spare it. I'm not afraid to say no because most of the time I don't have the money to spare.
1 person likes this
@maurs99 (55)
• Australia
27 May 07
I wouldn't give money away easily - it's too hard to earn! I would loan a small amount $10-$50 to family or very close friends but not to workmates or acquantances. I find it easy just to say 'sorry, I'm kinda bust myself this week' or 'gee, I would like to help but I have such and such to pay this week'. You don't have to be nasty in your refusal but make sure you DO refuse anyway.
1 person likes this
