Someone needs advice!!
By pinks0da
@pinks0da (328)
Philippines
May 26, 2007 9:52am CST
I don't know where to start with this discussion. I want to ask for a piece of your thoughts dear mylotters. I have observed that a lot of people here are giving great and sensible comments, so I'm pretty sure I'll get it as well from here. Okay, here is the situation..quite long..
My officemate who eventually became close to me is 5 months pregnant. Her husband works in the same office (we have large number of employees), who was "allegedly" involve with his immediate superior. A lot of people are seeing them together outside the office even at an unholy hour. They were denying it at first. But things got worst..Now the immediate superior is sending the wife an email and text messages forbidding her to go near her husband inside the office because she is bothering her husband at work. Her emails as I read sound like more of a jealous girlfriend than a concerned superior to me. The husband and the immediate superior were summoned by the higher officials and they admitted it to them but not to the wife. The husband is not going home anymore to his wife but rented a place somewhere where his immediate superior is often seen. The wife was hurt and was so upset that she was rushed to the hospital while she was at work because she had contractions and the babies heart beat weakened..She nearly lost the baby...Now the wife wants to file complaint so the "immediate superior" will be terminated. Her husband talked to her and asked her not to push through with the complaint because the immediate superior is a single mom and he is afraid he might loose his job as well. He said he might not be able to support the pregnant wife when she gives birth. Now the pregnant wife seem to be brain washed with the idea. She don't know what to do.
Me personally, I want her to continue with the complaint because she seemed being used already and that man is making her condition a perfect excuse!! he had the nerve to ask for something in favor of that other girl!! I want to slap him honest! Now I don't know what to say to the wife exactly so she will realize it. She is asking for my advice. If you were in my shoes, what would you tell her?
2 people like this
10 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
27 May 07
she needs to get legal advice from an attorney.
forget what her husband says,
let her find out if she can make a complaint legally against the other woman
and then how to force her husband to pay support regardless of what happens to him.
He deserted her, she has a right to compensation.
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
27 May 07
It's really a tough situation for the pregnant wife, because it seems both the husband and his superior have instigated this, and are both equally guilty of worsening the relationship betw the husband and the wife.
In this case, even if a complaint is filed and one or both parties are fired from their jobs, it may not help save the marriage, because both seem to want to have the extra-marital relationship. If the wife achieves some kind of victory here, it might not necessarily mean their marriage life will revert to normal. The husband might still continue seeing his superior even if one or both are not employed within this company.
I feel the wife seriously need to have a heart-to-heart talk with her husband, reminding him of his marriage vows and making it clear that he either keeps the marriage alive by leaving the third party completely, or risk losing his marriage and family. But seriously, I think they have reached a point where they need some marriage counselling to try and save their marriage relationship, if not for themselves, at least for the sake of the children. An independent mediator (as in a marriage councellor) may help work out an amicable solution. And divorce should only be a last resort.
@pinks0da (328)
• Philippines
27 May 07
You've got a point. The wife actually tried talking to her husband while she was in the hospital. The husband said he will not go back because she might nag to him again about his involvement with another girl. The wife promised not to do that but the guy still said no... Imagine!! Now the immediate superior was transferred to another team and was replaced. But I just hate it because I want her terminated, I still see her with the guy!! They have no conscience!! I don't know about marriage counselling. I will try telling that to her. Thanks lexus. :)
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
27 May 07
If the wife had already tried the reconciliation process with the husband, and he had rejected it on the kind of feeble grounds you had cited, then that's sad. I think the husband here wants out, and is just using poor excuses to justify his decision. Maybe that's why he is also instigating the situation.
There might be underlying reasons why the husband acted this way, that you and I do not know. I think the husband might have fell out of love for the person he married, and found what he was looking for in someone else...I am just speculating.
Sadly, the wife may have to accept the reality of the situation. The man has to answer to his own conscience if the marriage breaks up in the process. But for the wife to seek vengence, it may lessen the hurt, but it will not bring about any resolution, because that will still not bring them back together.
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
27 May 07
I would tell her to keep a copy of all the e-mails and keep all the texts. She needs to get a small notebook and keep a day by day record of what she sees, what she heard and what is said to her by these two people. When she has enough she needs to seek legal advice, file her complaint, and as the old saying goes take both these people to the cleaners. Maybe you should print out the responses to your post and let her read them. Support your friend in whatever she decides during this difficult time.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
26 May 07
I would tell her to not only save the emails but print them and include them with her complaint. Go right to the top with it. I know that not only would I go to the top with a formal complaint, but he'd no longer have any say in my life. He'd not only would have gotten a slap, he'd have been kicked to the curb as soon as he had the nerve to ask me for a favor for his girlfriend. She really needs to wake up, he doesn't care about her, obviously since you stated he moved out so he could be closer to the other woman. As for the other woman....... sounds to me like she is on a major power trip because of her position in the company. And if he loses his job, so be it! He deserves it. I would hope that at the very least the other woman would be majorly demoted or fired. Your friend really needs to wake up and smell the coffee, if he's doing it in front of her, he'll keep doing whether it's in the office or outside the office.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
27 May 07
I would tell her she needs to file that complaint for the sake of her dignity, sanity and her child. If she files for divorce over this, and this complaint has already ben investigated and dealt with, her claim of adultery will be made. It isn't something a pregnant wife wants to think about or deal, with, but she has to protect herself. What a cad he is. It must be awful having to share an office with that jerk.
@lovelyladydancing (1016)
• United States
27 May 07
I think a person's first reaction is to get even. And if she really wants to get even, she should move forward with the complaint. She should save all e-mails, texts and gather any witnesses. If she wants to save her marriage she should sit down him. She could remind him what kind of woman his lover is, threatening a pregnant woman.
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
27 May 07
i think she should definitely file the complaint. i don't think the husband will get fired and even if he does, it serves him right. He can find another job. There is no excuse for his affair with this other woman. He is trying to brainwash and manipulate her. She hopefully can see this an will tell him to eff off and file the complaint.
@MakeItCount (350)
• India
27 May 07
First of all I think that she should leave this husband of hers. She has a job doesn't she? So it should not be a matter of great concern to her whether her husband can support her immediately or not. She may be able to complain against the other woman for harrassment (she has all those mails that were sent to her as proof). If both her husband and this other woman get sacked then it's great! The husband would be able to pay child support after he gets another job.
@a_ce_e (1422)
• Philippines
27 May 07
As for me, your friend should push for the complaint. The fact that her husband had moved a place near to the superior, it is too obvious that her husband is just trying to brainwash her to avoid scandal. Let your friend teach them a lesson. You as a friend be supportive as you can, for she will be needing you more in this case.
@vivianaordenana (4)
• United States
26 May 07
i would tell her to be strong and to filled the complaint and have her and him fired because her husband did not care about her been pregnat and having to go throught the stress and almos loosing her baby.
