Being A Wife or Being an Individual

This is our biggest topic at the moment. Having 2 small children and a Husband that isn't very helpful I have no IDEA who I am anymore! I am not able to drive either so I feel like a canary in a guilded cage...It suck so bad to depend on everyone outside me doorstep, yet I am the lifeline inside these four walls. I get so lost in the day to day, I wouldn't know where to start if I wanted to reconnect with that inner me. I think she's alittle PO'ed I'm sure for being neglected for so long! LOL!

not me. I find that I am still the same individual I was before I was married. My husband is just an extension of that. perhaps it is because my husband and I are so similar and have such similar tastes that it doesn't feel like I've had to change once I got married. I was able to stay myself and therefore never felt lost.

A happy marriage begins with your own feelings about yourself. If you have a postive outlook on life, then you are likely to share that happiness with othes. Whatever your outlook maybe you can always work towards becoming the kind of person you would like to be.Knowing and working on yourself and your own happiness is the first step to finding happiness in your marriage. Many people feel that you give up your individuality when you get married, and you become part of a team. While you are now part of a team it doesn't mean you can't have outside interests. In fact it's important that you look for fullfilling things outside of your marriage. The key is to create a balance between your own personal time and your together time. It's important to have things that you share with your spouse,yet it's equally important for you to maintain your own sense of individuality. Too many couples feel that marriage means giving up your own identity.Losing your unifque sense of self is not part of a healthy marriage. In fact its very important that each partner maintain this sense of self. Yet in many mariages one partner give up so much of their identiy they lose themselves. Many times this type of behavior is born out of the desire to please or to try and become even closer to the each other. Developing or maintaining individual interests are healthy for instance when your husband enjoys hobbies or interest and you don't really care about,or when you enjoy cooking or writing he doesn't find them interesting but you both enjoy sharing and talking about them and listening to each other. These things bring interest and a dynamic of sense of growth to your marriage. Having a few interest in common give your marriage the vital touchstones you need. Good marriages have this in common interest it allows a sense of space and individuality. yet lets both of you to truly enjoy other common interests more fully. Try taking the steps necessary to develop new interests and establish a sense of independence in your life. Marriage is a life long journey of discovering yourself !!

I am still an individual and not married yet.But when I do ghet married I want to be both.As I will get married my husband has the right to get a good wife and I shoul d become one.However, as a justice to myself I should also remain an individual in my own ways.

i do feel that way sometimes..and sometimes i feel that i don't know who i am anymore.Torn between being a wife, a mother, and the person that i am before all these things happen..but now i have keep in mind two things, and that are: 1. be contented on what God give you at this moment because he knows the desires of your heart and will give it to you at his most perfect time. 2. you need to cry to laugh, to fail to succeed, and to sacrifice to be glorified..

When you get married, you and your spouse become as one. However, you are two different people that needs to grow together as one. That means that in all the decisions (big or small)in your married life you should always have communication. In the beginning, you need to discuss your likes and dislikes, your dreams and goals which you should support and respect each other and let each other grow as an individual. When that happens, you will grow together and will strive together to achieve both of your individual and as a couple dreams and goals. Set goals as individuals and as a couple. It also depends on how long you have been married or do you have children yet. Don't ever lose focus on who you are as a person, a wife and a parent, regardless of what life is offering you at the moment. Remember, don't look for happiness in another. You are in control of your own being with God's help. You and your spouse should be best friends at all times. When you see something different, you should address it right away. Do a LOT of things as a couple, but there is also times you need to do things on your own, like reading, be with friends and just simply meditating/praying. This is healthy for the both of you. One of your great contribution to your marriage is to be an independent and strong woman.

I think a couple needs to find a balance between the me and the we. I am having a hard time getting my husband to participate in the we because he is so afraid of losing himself. I think it takes some time and adjusting and if you are aware of the problem then that is you first step of fixing it. Finding yourself can be as easy as planning a girls night out with your friends or choosing an afternoon that is for your individual hobby whatever that may be. You should take some time for you, and don't forgot who you are.