wonderful daughter in law

I don't think that you should say anything to her mother. It could damage your relationship with your daughter in law and it would cause a strain on her also. Her mother would probably become quite possessive of her daughter as though you are trying to come between them. Just one opinnion, i would mention to your son and see if he can talk some sense into his wife, or at worst over her support and reassurance that she is not as incapable as her mother likes to think.

Accept my congratulations. You yourself are a good mother-in-law. The issue between your daughter-in-law and her mother. Leave it to them to sort it out. Sometime her husband can speak to her mother. But your saying anything to her mother might create some more problem.

You must have a talk with her mother! YOu must clear all the disbelifes in her mind!!All because you care for your daughter-in-law!! You do have some duties towards her!!

I do think you have the right to say something about it.You seem to have a wonderfull daughter in law please don't let her mom waste that.

I know the feeling of having a daugher in law but what happens when your son leaves her then what are you gonna say then

Hi there, I would talk to your daughter in law see how she feels first you dont want to put your foot in it (if you know what i mean)

Probably that is why you and her got a very good relationship coz your daughter in law saw that you are a wonderful person and appreciate her for who she is, unlike her mother who is very critical of her. Just don't say anything to her mother coz she might not realized your good intention. Just continue your wonderful relationship with your daughter in law. I know she is very thankful and fortunate that she got you as a mother in law.

Like you said her mother doesn't even know that she is being critical. Her mother has been with her for a long time. If your daughter-in-law's association with her has still made her as wonderful you say she is then you have nothing to worry. Maybe her caring attitude comes from being so responsive to criticism.

Firstly let me say congratulations to you on having such a wonderful relationship with your daughter-in-law, it's a credit to you too that you have a good relationship with her, as, if you weren't a good decent person she probably wouldn't find it as easy to get on so well with you. About her mother, I would advise to keep out of their relationship no matter how hard it is to bite your tongue. She's been her mother her whole life and whilst you or others might feel it's wrong of her mother to treat her that way, it's the way your daughter-in-law is used to being treated. People are not likely to change once they get to a certain age and find it hard to accept criticism or constructive feedback no matter how well intentioned. I know that I would find it very upsetting if someone criticised my mother to me (even though it has never happened as my mum gets on with pretty much everyone). On the other hand I have quite a volatile relationship with my dad but I love him to bits. He is bad tempered and tried to be very controlling - it works with my mum but not with me. BUT when my husband criticises my dad it upsets me and I get rather defensive about it. It's like "He's MY dad, I can say stuff about him, but YOU can't!" LOL I know it's a funny logic but your daughter-in-law might feel that way too. On the other hand, maybe you could discuss it with your daughter-in-law directly and sensitively ask her if she would like you to speak with her mother tactfully. She might be very grateful for your help? Whatever you decide to do, good luck and again, all credit to you for having such a loving relationship with your son's wife :)

Not only are you a lucky but a considerate and good hearted person. I have seen many in laws who are happy with their son's wife but would never admit it. In fact in most cases, however good the daughter- in - law is, mother in law finds some fault with her. You daughter in law is lucky to have you as a mother who appreciates her qualities and worries about her and gets hurt when she gets hurt. Regarding her mother, it would be best not to offer any advise and just try and make up for it by loving her as much as you can and praising her whenever her own mother puts her down.

That is a tough situation, but I agree with what everyone else is saying. It is probably best not to say anything to the mother. I know it will be hard, but if you did say something and made their relationship even worse, you would feel very badly. Maybe their is some sort of jealousy over the relationship her daughter has with you, and she is just not sure how to deal with it. Or like someone else said there could be a reason that her mother treats her this way, some past experience that has lead her to believe that her daughter is not the best person. I really do not know, but you might just let your daughter in law know that you have witnessed this behavior from her mother, and just let her know that you are there if she ever needs to talk. That might be the breaking point for her and she might let you know the problems that have caused this behavior. I got a long great with my mother in law, and even took care of her when she was going through chemo and radiation. I think that we were really good friends, but this did cause upset between some of the other family members that did not have this kind of relationship with her. Families are hard to deal with on a daily basis, especially if you are just married into that family. I always feel like I am stepping on someones toes when I make a suggestion or try to do something. Anyway, good luck to you!

I wouldnt say anything it may backfire, it is still her mum at the end of the day. Im glad you get on so well but Its between the two of them. I think its a crying sham the mum is such a problem but maybe she feels safe with you because you havent got involved. Its only an idea but getting in between mother and daughters can be a tricky thing. I would just be there for her and give her support but dont be too critical it may backfire.