i am heart broken

My mom passed away five years ago after having Alzheimers for 15 years so my info may be a little dated. She was on Aricept for the Alzheimers and Atavan because she would become violent. There has probably been some advancement in the pharmacology since then so check with her doctor. Keep your mom active but don't frustrate her by trying to get her to do things she doesn't want to do or is no longer capable of doing. As the disease advances she may begin to forget how to do everyday things, forget names of common objects, forget the people around her. She may ask you the same thing over and over and over, never realizing that she has already asked and received an answer. Or she may be aware she is forgetting and it will upset her. Some patients are docile, others -- like my mom -- become aggressive and mean. Try to remember and understand attacks against you, verbal or physical, are not your mom's fault. Her brain is misfiring and what she is thinking may have nothing to do with what is coming out of her mouth. Further still into the disease she may lose touch with reality -- Mom insisted she saw OJ burying the knives and bloody clothes he used to kill his wife, and that he saw her watching him and followed her home -- she may revert to childhood and cry for her own mother and father. Each patient is different and responds differently. You may have to try doing different things and see how your mom reacts. Sometimes rocking soothes them and in others it stirs them up and they become aggressive and angry. With my mom we ended up resorting to childish things to calm her -- stuffed animals for her to pet, blowing up balloons and batting them around the room, coloring, paging through family albums playing 'name the people.' Music -- especially her favorite singers -- seemed to help soothe her as did videotaped TV shows -- her favorite was Hogan's Heroes and I Love Lucy. I know this is scary and it is horrible to see someone you love drifting away a little each day, Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. But knowing what to expect and being prepared for it will help you to get through. I would suggest 1. speaking to all your family members, seeing who can help in what ways -- helping with cooking, cleaning, bill paying, care giving. 2. discuss finances, who is going to pay for living expenses, medical bills, and the like if your mother cannot afford it. 3. if your mother is still able to make rational decisions, talk to her about her wishes -- does she want to stay at home or go to a nursing home, does she have a living will, what and where are her finances? 4. do research on the internet for more suggestions on coping and for latest medical developments. 5. keep a journal for everyone involved in your mom's care to write in. Two of my brothers and a nurse shared the round the clock care during the week and on weekends the rest of us would take turns giving them a break. Having things written down made the transition easier, we knew what kind of day she was having, when she had her medicines, if she had eaten, etc. 6. Don't forget her physical health. As she ages, she may develop other illnesses/diseases. Be sure she has regulare medical check ups. 7. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. You will be no good to your mom if you wear yourself out. 7. Treasure the time you have with her. Stay strong.