Help, my kid is ruining my marriage!

The key to parenting is consistency. Children need discipline and without that and limitations, they will take more and more control from you. Your daughter should be rewarded for good behavior and you and your husband need to sit down, away from her and discuss how you will handle the discipline and the rewards. If you can't agree on anything, she will continue to manipulate the both of you and when she is fifteen, she will be so far out of control, you will wish she was three years old again. Good luck to you.

It sounds like you and your husband are to blame for ruining your own marriage. You both allow your daughter to act this way. If you don't like the tantrums that your daughter throws then I suggest you both do something about it to correct the matter. Set her in time out until she is able to stop her tantrum. Make eye contact and explain to her that she must stay in one spot until the tantrum is over and she is ready to act like a nice little girl. Praise her when she is doing something good to show her that you appreciate when she is well behaved. Don't dwell on all the bad things that she does. Just point out to her that she could do something another way which would be better. You and your husband need to work together so that you aren't ruining your marriage.

I do have a son and he is quite a big boss in our house. It happens in most household. Many call it the terrible two's since its hard for them to grasp being lectured and its hard for them to express what they really want to do with their lives. In my case, we try not to give in to his every whining session. If he cries out loud we try to let him do that until he gets tired. I guess this is their outlet for all the frustration hey absorbed during the day and joining in her tantrums or trying to stopped her from letting it out will just prolong her tantrums. After about half an hour crying and getting tired he'll later calm down and that's my time to talk to her and comfort her that he's okay and it would be better to calm down than crying. Now he is 5 he still have his downtime days but it has become less frequent than before. I hope you two could find ways on how to control her tantrums. Although, there might be some problems if these symptoms persist. She may be experiencing autism but this happens only on extreme cases. If you find her tantrums intolerable its best to consult a doctor or psychiatrist who is knowledgeable about this condition.

Your child is seeing how far she can push you and each time you allow her to get away with this she is winning . It is hard to discipline our children especially when we are not really sure what is going to work and what won't . Everyone has there own way of getting there chidlren to work . What works best for me is counting . All my children know that whatever I say is going to happen if they make me count to three . You could try by telling her that you are going to count to three and if she doesn't stop she is going to lose a toy or something she likes or she is going to sit on a chair or anything that you know would make her upset so that she won't want this punishment to happen . You have to stick firm to what you say is going to happen though and sometimes this is hard especially if it meant she was going to go with her grandmother or something like that and you are going to have to listen to her all day be upset with you but eventually she will realize that you mean what you say . Not sure if you like this idea but this is what I have done with all five of my children and every child I have ever babysat and it has always worked . It won't work right away as your child is not going to believe you will do what you say but eventually she will come to understand that you mean buisness and try to only do this when your child is really misbehaving as you don't want her to feel like she is always being punished . Reward her when her behavior is good but be firm when her behavior is bad . All children are looking for attention and even negative attention is still attention to them . I have always liked doing it this way just because I feel that in life we always have consequences for our actions but before this we always have a choice to make and it depends on our choices that we make that will determine the final outcome . Best of luck !!

You and your husband need to make a collective effort to discipline your child together rather than seperately. The arguments show that your not a cohesive unit and are falling apart at the seams. You both need to sit down and talk about this. Children are very perceptive and they know that you are having issues and that she can pull the strings at a whim. If you continue this and allow her to continue having this power, it will only become much worse and you think you have problems now! Wait until she is more independent and believe me children are very conniving. They can pit parent against parent even at your childs tender age of 3. They can work the situation to their advantage if you allow it! My daughter tried that mess with me and it took a lot of patience and restriction and an occasional swat on the bottom, but she finally realized that daddy and mommy were a force to be reckoned with! Sit down with hubby and work this out, explain to him that you are both feeling frustrated, but there is a solution. Work together not against each other. Take care!

Dear Mom, the problem with you, is you are not discipling your daughter, she is only 3 years old, what the hell, make her do things what you want, dont allow her to rule you. She will grow up to be a horrible daughter and unruly. This is an adorable age. The first thing you do in the morning, she cleans up and serve her breakfast, and let her alone, then give her a bath at 11 a.m. and dress her well. If she has long hair brush well and tie 2 plats with bows, short hair brush it well and look good. Dress her clean shoes and socks. Then apply baby eau-de-cologne behind her ear, on her hair and her clothes. She will smell good and be happy and will run around the house like a dancing doll. This is the way you discipline her. If she talks rudely to you or your husband immediately punish her so that she will realize, my mother gets angry and she will not do it again. Keep trying until she stop, dont get weak. Sometime parents allow their little children to do anything what they want without correctness. Today so many unrespected children you find are from such parents. The mother and the father has to be blamed 100%.

I know exactly what you mean. I have an almost 5 year old son who is super strong willed and used to run my house. My hubby and I almost divorced over the stress that was being caused by the temper tantrums and such. The main thing to remember is that you are the adults here and she is just a child. Children need limits and they want you to set them. She will continue to push you until you set some limits and stand firm where those limits are concerned. You and your husband need to remember that when it comes to parenting, you MUST present the united front. You have back each other up. Here is some advicethat worked for my and my family, maybe it will help you too: 1. Read "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson 2. Find out what type of punishment works for your child. We tried Time Outs and that worked for a while. But the most important thing about Time Out is enforcing it. You give your child a time out of minutes equal to their age. You have a Time Out place, be it a corner of the room, a chair or mat. You make your child sit out their time out. If they get off the time out spot, you put them back and start the time over. Sometimes you may do this for 15 minutes BEFORE your child will sit and do their time out. But you MUST enforce it for it to work. 3. Take things away. We took toys away if our son threw them during his temper fits. We would take them away and put them in the "Poor Choices" box and explain to him that his choice of throwing the toys cause him to lose them for a set period of time. Sometimes it was a few minutes and sometimes a few days. But you cannot give in and give the toys back. After a few lost toys, he stopped throwing them. 4. Get down to your child's level. When your child is misbehaving, get on your knees and get down to her level. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her and use a calm, level tone when telling her what behavior you want her to change. Explain what the consequences will be if her behavior doesn't change. 5. Count. I count to three. This is what I do with my son when his behavior is becoming unacceptable. I say "1, this is your first chance to change your behavior, 2, this is your second chance to change your behavior. If I have to say 3, you will be punished." I normally do not have to say 3, but if I do this is what I say "3, you have lost your chance to change your behavior without consequences and now you have chosen to be punished" and then he is punished. Since he is almost 5 now, we do longer time outs and we take things away in addition to time out. I believe in spankings, but only as a last resort. 6. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep. Children who are not well rested tend to be more irritable and more likely to have melt downs. This will cause lots of stress on the parents. The more rested your child, the better behaved she will be and the better you will be as parents. Stress and lack of rest sometimes makes us be the types of parents we don't want to be. I know, I have been there. 7. Apologize to your child if you need to. We ask our children to apologize for their bad behaviors all the time, but we never apologize to our children when we have behaved badly. If I lose my temper and yell at my son, I will apologize to him later and ask him to forgive me. I believe that this teaches my son that even parents make mistakes, but that we need to always apologize to each other when we make a mistake. 8. Count to Calmness. When I know that I am getting stressed out by my son's behavior, I count for myself and not for my son. I start at 50 and count backwards to 1. This allows me time to calm down and get a hold of my temper. Yelling at your child when they are having a fit is not going to make anything better. It just stresses you out even more, upsets your child more and makes things worse. Once I have counted, I will usually get down to his level and tell him "I am sorry, but I cannot understand you when you are screaming (crying, whining, whatever he is doing)." Sometimes, I have to do this 6 or 7 times before he hears me and starts to calm down. 9. Learn to Ignore. Ignore the temper tantrums sometimes. When you are home and your child begins to throw a fit to get your attention or your husband's attention, ignore her. It is amazing how quickly a temper tantrum will end sometimes just because you don't react. If the fit is really about getting attention, it will stop the moment you don't react. 10. Schedule one on one time with your child. Set up times that you and your husband spend with your child alone. For instance, I always give my son his bath. It is our alone time. He plays with ducks and I talk to him and sometimes I will kneel by the tub and play with his toys with him. He gets me all to himself for 30 minutes every single day. I spend more time with him through the day, but alot of the time he has to share with me other people. My husband always puts him to bed. They get from 730-830 alone. THat is just daddy time. They get in their pjs and my hubby puts our son in his bed and then tells him a story about a dog named Licker and his many adventures (my hubby made this up and it has been going on for almost a year). There are other times that we have one on one time during the week too. Most children who misbehave for attention, just need some one on one time with their parents. Just remember that this is the time to set the limits and let your child know what you expect from her as far as acceptable behavior goes. If you don't a get a handle on it now, it will be harder in the future. Not impossible, just harder. Also, she is only 3. I remember people calling it the "terrifying threes" and not understanding what they meant. Then my son turned 3. I understood. It will get better. I promise. Enjoy your child and cherish these days. They may seem to last forever, but the years will just fly by.

Just think about If you were your daughter,What do you want from your parents.It is love,In my view.Baby just like water,And parents like ink.what kind of people she will become decided by you and your husband.So just have an conversation with you husband.hope you can deal with it correctly.

It is very stressful for parents when they have to deal with a child that throws tantrums. But I wouldn't blame the child for ruining the marriage. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and reactions. It is your husbands fault that he doesn't handle the situation that well and blows up at you. I have a couple of children that use to throw tantrums to try to get things their way and they know exactly who this works on and who it doesn't. My children know that if they throw a tantrum in front of their father or I that we will do something about it. If we are at the store and one of the children throws a fit because they can't get something then I immediately take them out to the car. We will then go home without getting anything at all. If we happen to be at home when they throw a fit for some reason I will place them on the couch until the are able to calm down. I take a moment to explain that they will be able to get up when they are able to behave themselves. After sticking to this a few times this usually breaks the habit. Don't show her that she is getting to either of you because that is what gives her the power.

Remember, kids don't become who they are without seeing their surroundings. There are times and days which you have to impose rules and be the bad guys instead of their buddies. That's what Dr. Phil has taught me and we know what kind of an expert he really is. Geting a hold of rules early in their life is vital. If they're out of control now, imagine when they become 13. -Swapw

I guess kids are all naughty and tend to misbehave more... Why dun u sit down with ur girl and ask her to stop all the nonsense before the family is turn upside down by her? Of coz, shes still young, she wouldnt understand whats the meaning of all that, but simple language like asking her to behave, if not, u will beat beat? That kinda stuff? Maybe u guys are too patient and loving for her, thus she tends to get out of the way... But dun worry too much, guess as she gets older, things will definately take for a turn and gets better... Good luck for that... =)

I'm just a kid... but I think the problem is between you and your husband... and this problem wants to get to the surface... so yeah you shouldn't blame the child, you should the your husband and both of you should talk and solve the problem... good luck

First and formost, you and your husband need to be on the same page on disciplining your daughter. She needs to know that she CANNOT act this way and get away with it. Both parents need to act in the same way to discipline her. If she senses that one of you isn't firm, or won't discipline her, she will inveriably turn you against each other. I have four kids under the age of 10 and I know!! The books "Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson and "Parenting With Love and Logic" by Foster Kline and Jim Fay are very good. We use time-outs a lot with our two younger boys. We tell them that their behavior is unacceptable, and send them to the time-out chair. If they get up, we put them right back in. This can go on for a while, but eventually they get the idea that they have to stay until they calm down and we tell them they can get out. Sometimes it can be very hard, especially if they are crying loudly. It is stressful on the parents--that's why you as parents need to be united. Sit down with your husband, talk about the situation (when things are CALM), and come up with an action plan. Then, the most important thing is for both of you to be consistant!!! Good luck!

Don't take her to the marriage is shes annoying you that much, If you know shes going to ruin it, don't take her. Get her a baby sitter or something until she calms down.

Apparently your daughter thinks that she has run of your home. You and your husband need to show who is the boss. When she starts it up, turn around and ignore her. It may be hard at first, but it soon start getting easy. It will show her that negative attention is not what she wants. If you are out in public with her, tell her that if she keeps it up, then you will take her to your vehicle. Then if she still keeps it up, take your personal items, purse, keys, ect. and walk her to your vehicle and tell her that she can go back in when she is finished. I have two girls and whenever they started up, my husband and I showed them who is boss. It only takes a couple of times in public and a few times at home to let her know that she does not have control over you. Whenever you and your husband need to argue, don't argue in front of her. She will see that you are weak and will pick at each other until you both explode. Don't give in to her. She is just testing her boundaries. I tell you from one parent to another, that children will push and push until you explode. She is just merely pushing your buttons.