Ex Girlfriend still in the picture
By mikaelasmom
@mikaelasmom (51)
United States
June 4, 2007 1:19am CST
Okay, so ive been dating my boyfriend for a year now. I love him to death, his family seems to like me and everything is great! However, he dated this girl about 6 years ago and he helped her thru a rough time in her life. They got evicted from their apartment that they lived in and ended up living with his family. Well, they all grew really close but in the end, things didnt work out for them. They ended up splitting up and going their seperate ways. However, til this day, his family is still really close to her and still keeps in touch with her and even has her over sometimes. Well, my boyfriends sister has a son and his birthday party will be in several weeks about the same time that our baby is due to arrive. So i asked his sister about the party and she told me what it all entailed then she said "well, you guys probably wouldnt wanna come because his ex girlfriend is going to be there" because she has young ones as well. So i got pretty offended. I mean, shouldnt her brother and his CURRENT girlfriend have priority over his ex? please help! i need to know if im over reacting and shouldnt feel this way or what? also, i feel like this girl (his ex) will always be a conflict if we wanna get together with the family and shes going to be there. I wouldnt feel comfortable with her in the same room. what should i do? should i say something to his family about how i feel about the situation or what? please help!
3 people like this
13 responses
@shyamjoshi (222)
• India
4 Jun 07
I don't think u should panic.
First u should understand that even if his family is close to her ,Your boyfriend has choosen u over her.
Second the family may come with the boyfriend but understand as long as he is with u,u shouldn't bother with how his family is.
If i was in ur BF's place i wouldn't have thought bout this nemore becoz she is past & ur present.(Boys tend to thnk like that).
Lastly i think that his sister has some kind of grudge over u or just having fun at your expense noting else.
Tell this to ur BF ask him how he feels.If he feels offended let him deal with it.If he doesn't don't bother urself with it either!
4 people like this
@mikaelasmom (51)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Ya. maybe you're right...thanks for the advice!
3 people like this
@angelOFdemise (100)
• Philippines
4 Jun 07
of you feel that you can't really get rid of her... or if you think that she'll always be a part of your boyfriend's life no matter what happens in the future, then I guess, you should try to find someone else who can be entirely yours... (",)
3 people like this
@mikaelasmom (51)
• United States
4 Jun 07
well my boyfriend wants nothing to do with her, its just his family that cant seem to let her go! but i havent voiced anything to them, do you think i should? his sister and i are pretty close i just dont know how to bring it up to her and voice it.
3 people like this
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
4 Jun 07
You could tell her that is hurts your feelings that she choose to invite his ex knowing that you would be uncomfortable. Say it in a nice way that you would like to attend all of the family events because you are part of the family now and are about to have a baby with her brother.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
4 Jun 07
as she was close with the family, they just can't simply let her go. Now as u have come into picture, it may be the case that they are not accepting your presence very much. they are very much used to that girl. U must make it clear with your Bf.
@navtech (1773)
• India
4 Jun 07
Hi, milkaelasmom, did your bf did not tell you about his past life. He must have told you. Then why you do worry. Nothing is going to happen. Every things will be alright. Your life with bf is going to be as usual. His family might be liking this girl not your bf. Therefoe do not give importance to her presence during the party. Take it sportingly.
2 people like this
@sumimasen (644)
• United States
4 Jun 07
I think that it might just take time for him to get over her. What you may feel like is that you're always SECONDARY to his first girlfriend, but really that may be partially an illusion.
Relationships are fragile things, so, take it easy. If you take it too seriously, you'll just end up hurting yourself.
Good luck and thanks for posting!
Sumi
---
How Guys Think: http://www.helium.com/tm/210101
2 people like this
@mikaelasmom (51)
• United States
5 Jun 07
As mentioned before its not him that cant get over her, its his family.
1 person likes this
@jackli (203)
• China
4 Jun 07
I understand your feeling. it's tough for you to handle it. I had the same feeling when my girlfriend is visiting her high school classmates years ago. I thought that's a menace to me. I still quarrelled with her. huh.
but afterwards, i find it's wrong to do that. my girlfriend still love me, and we still stay together. huh.
so, from my experience, it's the time to relax you. and don't be worring about it. just to love and care for your boyfriend, don't mind his ex-girlfriend too. You should believe that you have the advantage over her. Otherwise your boyfried should have been stayed with his ex-girlfriend.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
4 Jun 07
you're in a situation i don't really find myself in. i am a jealous person and i might be frustrated if i were you. obviously, you have more patience than i do. hehe. good for you and good for your man, too.
your boyfriend should consider your feelings. she's an ex and even if they say that the ex had been so much a part of their lives before.. that was before.. you are the present. your boyfriend knows how you feel and still he can't say NO to his ex coming. i hope you can have the courage to talk this thing with your boyfriend. atleast clarify things with him. it will help a lot.
@Jshean20 (14348)
• Canada
4 Jun 07
Well one would think that the brother would be invited before the ex-girlfriend but who knows, relationships can be complicated. As you've said, him and his ex lived with his family for quite awhile so maybe the ex girlfriend built a really firm relationship with the family. Even still, no matter how close the family is to her, the blood relative should come first I would think, (unless he's done something to hurt the family). I hate to say it, but actually saying something to the family about this could make things worse..
1 person likes this
@fellowlife (988)
• Nigeria
4 Jun 07
well i think you should bring the issue to the attention of your boyfriend. I wouldn't be too happy for my girlfriend to have her ex in the house on a visit when she knows that i would be around.
I would also want to ask if you are close to the family cause they might be like when the ex was still around, they were very close. So i think you should try and move closer to the family and try and get their consent and support.
I don't think you need to fret over the issue as you shouldn't bother about it as long as you win everybody to your own side you could be rest assured
1 person likes this
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
4 Jun 07
That is a sucky situation! I can't believe his family would choose her over you and your baby on the way!! I think that is terrible and they should definitely choose you over her, she is just a friend now with no relation to them. But that said, he choose you, not her so you should remember that if you ever are in a situation where she is there too. He choose to not be with her anymore and moved on to you, and choose to have a baby with YOU, not her!! So obviously to him you are the better choice and he prefers you to her. Remember that, in his eye you are the better person to be with!! Hard I know and I hope his family will realize that they should be on your side and not the ex's, but if they don't remembre he chose YOU. That is what I try to do when my husband brings up ex's or whatever, I know he chose to be with me and not them.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Maybe you could talk to the sister and see if she will give you more information. It might be simply that the ex has a relationship with the child who's b-day it is and she wants her there... perhaps she went so far as to think that you might not feel comfortable being as pregnant as you are going to be, whatever. Or maybe she was thinking that you might have had the baby by then and won't be able to attend anyway.
If you are going to have trouble with this girl ever being around it is probably fair for you to let the family know. If they are still close to her they probably need to know the situation they will be causing everytime they want to invite her to something.
What does your boyfriend have to say about all this??
1 person likes this
@creativemind755 (400)
• United States
5 Jun 07
Well, mikaelasmom, I always say that it's NOT a good thing when someone is still in contact with an "ex"!
2 ME, unless 2 people have kids 2-gether, and they talk, as far as sharing custody, visiting, and child support, there's really NO other "good" reason 2 still be in contact. And, when someone still IS, it says, 2 me, that they still have feelings 4 that person, which will, obviously, hinder YOUR relationship with your man now! How can he give ALL of himself 2 U, if he's still so "connected" 2 his past?
I know u can't control HIM, and u can't make him NOT talk 2 his ex, so it's really about U! U have 2 decide how much u can deal with this situation.
I know that I COULDN'T deal with it!
But, u have 2 decide 4 YOURSELF!
Is your love 4 him THAT strong, 2 where u ARE willing 2 deal?
Life's really all about what we're WILLING 2, and NOT WILLING 2 deal with!
Only U know!
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@zangkits001 (25)
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
one advice, prove to his family that you are better than the 'EX'. maybe your best wasnt enough so do better. but dont make this as war, just show them what you are made of. dont make a fight between you and your future family. also talk to your bf. ask him why they are doing this to you, or, ask yourself why they like her than you? what are your differences and similarities. your bf dumped his ex and loved you for a reason, show his family that reason and maybe they will start appreciating you.
another thing, 6 years you say, well she's been with them very long, so you cannot blame his family for liking her. they already know her, your still at the getting-to-know-the-family stage. just prove to them that your different from the EX but dont do it just to get revenge on the EX. ;P.
