My Sister, the Popular

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I have a sister who is sooo pretty and almost every guy would just admire her. She has this personality that everybody likes: friendly, outgoing, active, jolly, funny. I'm just her shadow. I'm never on the spotlight especially when it comes to our relatives. It was always her who got the attention of everybody. I would sometimes feel a pang of pain in my heart thinking that I would never have the attention that she could have without effort. She's the eldest. And though she may not be aware of it, I'm the one who's doing the job of the big sister for her. Taking care of our little brother, helping out my mom and dad in our business, doing chores when nobody's home and most of all, just seeing to it that everybody is okay. We both graduated from the same course in the same year. We'd been classmates for 2 years until graduation. I introduced her to my friends so we now have common friends. We would frequently argue about her not doing anything, just being a great problem to our parents and not giving anything in return for the support and guidance they'd given to us in almost everything. I just feel bad that I loathe her sometimes. She'd yell at me telling me I'm not her mom when I correct her in stupid things that she would do. I would defend myself by throwing things at her and I still lose because words that would come out of her mouth hurt me so much emotionally. And I would feel like a total garbage afterwards. I just wish we'd go back to how things were before. Her, being somebody I look up to, somebody who guides me when I'm uncertain with things she's already been through. Now, I just feel I'm sooo ahead of her. I'm more mature than her now. And what's sad is that she thinks I'm just jealous of everything about her. That I'm acting like a know-it-all so she'd feel crappy about herself. I feel like a total loser sister. An evil one. But ain't she? I'm being so cruel just by saying that.