Why do we tend to carry the past forward??
By dedicated_28
@dedicated_28 (1383)
United States
June 6, 2007 1:14pm CST
I live my life mostly stuck in the memories of the past. I tend to think that every single person is the same. Each time someone wrongs me, takes me for a ride, etc., i tend to imagine that others will do the same. History may repeat itself....but only if I don't learn from my mistakes.The next person that comes along after all the bad stuff is sometimes the target of my hatred. They shower me with love and affection but the only thing I can seem to give them back are painful memories. My cruelity is usually a protective shield so I don't get too close to the person. It takes forever for me to wipe out anger and hatred, it stagnates in my heart and makes me turn into some kind of a monster at times. after self-examination and tons of sorry's that I have distrubuted, I have realized that i just need to let go of perfection from my part. we all make mistakes and that is just part of being human. I tend to meet wrong people and still make them enter my personal spaces. but I learn..i judge..I surrender and hope that the love will cancel the hate. That my enemy that destroyed me will suffer at the pangs of hate they created in me. I forgive yet can't stop carrying my past forward with me?? What is wrong with me??
5 people like this
10 responses
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
6 Jun 07
I have to wonder what the payoff is for you to go into the past and drag all the garbage back to the surface.It obviously isn't working for you. You do have the power and the choice not to. but it has to be a couscous decision, going back to the past particularly if it is painful is sort of like ripping out the stitches on a wound. it not only hurts again but has been know to fester and become infected, and leaves you worse than before. If it would help I would say by all means visit the past, but you can not change one thing that happened 10 minutes ago or 10 years or on your first birthday. It has happened so are you going to allow something that happened that long ago control you life. You can decide. as to weather this will work for you or not. it is only my opinion.
3 people like this
@dedicated_28 (1383)
• United States
6 Jun 07
i think i would so much rather rip the stitches out of my wound...lol. it would probably be less painful. thanks so much=)
2 people like this
@steerforth (1797)
• Italy
6 Jun 07
I think that remember the past is the better way for learn mistakes. We can't live in the past, but we must learn from the past for don't do the same wrong things.
Live everyday life without problems! :-)
3 people like this
@dedicated_28 (1383)
• United States
6 Jun 07
We must learn from our past mistakes although sometimes i think they have given me a very jaded view of things. much thanks.
2 people like this
@peachtabernilla (305)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
that's easy...well it's easy to say but hard to do...you must learn to forgive, so you won't be stuck in your past memories...and be fair don't think people are the same. Everyone is unique, remember that. Pray so that God will guide you to the right person..
3 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
6 Jun 07
My dear friend I and my best friend have the same problem you do. But once I realized what I was doing I stopped and looked at it from another's point of view. I was once with a wonderful guy who treated me like gold but because I couldn't let go of my past I treated him the same way I had been treated. And I ruined him,he never treated another girl after me like they were worth a dime and to this day he is not a nice guy. I decided then and there I was not going to put anyone through what I had been through. It isn't easy but life is all about risk,you must trust in GOD and give 100% in all you do and if you get hurt try again. I hope I was of some help and good luck my friend it is not an easy road.
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
6 Jun 07
She is doing well so far no seizures since April 4th,so I am thankful. How is your little one doing?
2 people like this
@dedicated_28 (1383)
• United States
7 Jun 07
he's not too bad, he started to eat a little. as soon as he's stable enough they will do surgery to insert his feeding tube. No seizures for abt 3 weeks. Glad she's doin good.
2 people like this
@dedicated_28 (1383)
• United States
6 Jun 07
No babyangie, u and i don't have an easy road that's for sure, but it only happens to the best of us, right. thank u so much for the advice, it was definately inspiring and maybe opened my eyes a little. how is your daughter doing?
2 people like this
@Chryssi (828)
• United States
6 Jun 07
One thing that I've learned over the years is that you will ALWAYS carry your past with you. With that being said, carrying your past (remembering the lessons you've learned) and living in your past are two different things. Your past is what has made you into who you are today. I've learned that not everyone is the same. Every single person is different.
I am the same way that you are, I have a hard time letting people get close to me, because of what has happened in my past. At times, I still take anger out on innocent people, but I've gotten a lot better at letting my anger go. I take my time in getting to know someone before letting them get close to me. Most don't even get that chance, because I see things in them that could potentially hurt me.
My advice to you is to take your time, listen, get to know someone..Learn about their past, what they've been through. You need to know that not one person is the same, and what has happened in your past is just that - the past. I'm not saying that history won't repeat itself, but, learning from your past helps you cope if it does. Listening helps you become more perceptive and see things that other people normally wouldn't see.
3 people like this
@dedicated_28 (1383)
• United States
6 Jun 07
Taking your time and getting to know someone is so important, sometimes i'm too concerned with analyzing their every thought and action though. much thanks for great advice.
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
7 Jun 07
it's just natural for you to be scared of being hurt again. i am just like you. i had been hurt many times and i find it already hard to trust people due to the experiences i had. and friends always tell me i am bitter that's why i can't let go of my past's shadow. i guess they are right. i am bitter and that's why i can't forget the past.
i know it's unfair for us to don't trust others. that's why i am trying to take the bitterness in my heart. and with the help of my boyfriend, i am slowly putting back trust in people. and i find myself happier because of this.
i hope you can one day trust others, too. you'll realize how much you'll feel better without carrying grudge inside your heart.
... anne
@davido (1623)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
There is nothing wrong with youas i think since you are but a human being it happens to everybody but since you know your short coming very well you can still improve on yourself as aperson and have a nice and rewarding reltionship with everyone concerned. We can forgive but not really forget so as to guide against the hurt coming over again.
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
7 Jun 07
humans as we are, we tend to be fragile, get hurt, forgive but the hardest part of it all is forgetting what has happened. after some time, we will learn to let go of the anger we are keeping for so long. it's only by then when we feel like a better, happier individual.
2 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
"I forgive yet can't stop carrying my past forward with me? What is wrong with me?"
- It's because you forgave just for the sake of forgiving...just for the sake that you could tell yourself and others that you had forgiven. But the truth behind it is that you never REALLY forgave the person. The true essence of forgiving is "forgive and forget". How can you forgive someone but can't forget his/her wrongdoings? This is the reason that you still bring the past with you. You have never freed yourself from the hatred you feel.
If you want to REALLY forgive, then dispose TOTALLY and COMPLETELY the unnecessary baggages of the past. The anger, the hatred and all. It's only then can you travel the present to the future lightly. I know that it's easier said than done but it's the only way. And besides, true forgiveness does really take time. It doesn't happen with just a snap of your finger. Just be patient and someday you'll be able to feel and know the true essence of forgiveness.
Good luck!
@MJLami (1173)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I can't tell you what reading this has done for me! I truly thought I was the only person living with a hateful heart. I had been wronged by someone I refused to allow into my personal space, life, etc and lost someone that truly mattered to me during this as well. I still carry the hatred and I still can't seem to let go, even though I have forgiven the man I did lose and even the low-life loser that refused to stop stalking me. I have moved on physically, literally relocated hundreds of miles because of the moron and still feel the hatred in me every day. I have not been able to start a new relationship and will not be able to because I still don't have closure in my heart with the one I did care for that was cost by a stalker. I expect/fear I will live and die alone thanks to the stalker now. I would have been a great wife and a truly awesome mom, those were my dreams and this hatred is a constant reminder of what my life is not because of a stalker. Thank you so much for being the first person in 7.5 years of living this hatred who doesn't have me asking why am I the only one that can't let go and move on? Thank you for this. I can't tell you what it means.
