LOST: Where did the "love" go???...AND, ...WHERE do I go from HERE?????

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Have u ever asked yourself these 2 questions? I have! And, 4 quite some time now! My "passion", since I was 18 years old, has been MUSIC! I started pursuing it as a CAREER shortly after high school. I was going at it STRONG, 4 the 1st 7 years. I was in 2 different groups within a year and a half, then I did it solo 4 a hot minute, and then I was in ANOTHER group (a duo) 4 about 5 years. I had many "ups and downs", and throughout the process, the direction of the music changed, 2 where I got AWAY from not only what kind of music I wanted 2 make, but I "lost" some of MYSELF in the process! When all was said and done, and things DIDN'T "pan out" the way I'd expected, I was devastated, frustrated, confused, depressed, and disillusioned! I tried 2 do it solo again, but it never felt right, being on the stage alone. I always composed music on the SIDE (that had NOTHING 2 do with the groups I was in, and it didn't really "fit" the "mold" of what we were doing), because I've been blessed with the "gift", and I've always gravitated 2-wards it. I feel like I didn't really "choose" music, but rather, it "chose" ME, because I had NO INTENTIONS of pursuing it after high school. I actually didn't know WHAT I was gonna do! So, I'd signed up 2 go 2 college during the next spring semester, because I didn't wanna start right away, and I just worked "odd" jobs in the meantime. But, when my financial aid didn't "pan out", I realized that my "desire" was NOT really there, so I never tried 2 raise the money 2 go any other way. Between the time I left high school, and I was "supposed" 2 start college, I "fell into" music, hookin' up with some guys from my high school, who said they were starting a group, and did I wanna be a part of it. I said YES, and once I got deeper into it, and college wasn't happening, b-4 I knew it, I was fully engrossed! Fast 4-ward...7 years LATER, after my last group ended, I spent a good decade doing ALOT of soul-searching, and even though I continued 2 compose and record (instrumentals, that is), I didn't know what 2 do with it. And, even though I still loved (and still "love") music, quite often, I'd get BORED and RESTLESS, when I'd record my compositions, or practice my keyboard playing. I started researching alternative career paths, about 3 years AFTER my 1st 7 years of doing music, but NOTHING was "calling my name", so 2 speak. I DID experiment with acting 4 a hot minute as well (a few months after my initial 7 years in music), and I discovered I was pretty good (according 2 the crowd responses), but I didn't have that PASSION 4 it 2 PROPEL me in pursuing it RELENTLESSLY! Now, 2-day, I'm at a "crossroads"! I have over 400 music compositions (instrumentals), but I don't know what 2 do with them, or if I'm even "supposed" 2 do anything with them! I realize that just because u're talented in something, DOESN'T necessarily mean that it's your "calling" in life! But, I remember writing down that I wanted 2 be a musician, at age 5, which I didn't even REMEMBER, until I'd found an old Dr. Seuss book that I had, and in the section where it asks "What do u wanna be when u grow up?", I'd written that! So, I took THAT as an INTUITIVE "sign" that this WAS my DESTINY! I still "love" music, but because of my past experiences (which have left me jaded and disillusioned), there is always a "dark cloud" hovering over it, when I think about the BUSINESS side of it. CREATIVELY, I have no problems whatsoever! But, I've NEVER been good at the PURSUING, the MARKETING, the PROMOTING part! When I was in groups, my group members handled THAT side of things, because it was NEVER MY forte'! So, my question is...where did the "love" go? Why do I get bored and restless, with something that I CLAIM 2 "love"? Why was I given the "gift" in the 1st place? Why did it "choose" me? Why didn't things "pan out" in those groups, or solo? Why is NOTHING ELSE really "drawing me in"? Have any of u ever felt this way in YOUR life? Have u ever held on 2 something, because u SAY u "love" it, yet u DON'T feel that "spark" anymore? Have u ever LOST your PASSION 4 what U "love"? If so, I'd love 2 hear your story! How did U feel? Did u find ANOTHER passion? If so, HOW? And, did u CHOOSE your passion, or did it "choose" U? In life, what do U do, when u KNOW u "need" 2 do SOMETHING, yet u DON'T know WHAT 2 do??? If u've NEVER felt LOST, then I'm not interested in hearing about THAT! I wanna know who's been where I've been, and where I AM! Please, enlighten me!