Rights come with responsibility

I see both of your point of views. One for you is that you want to know what is going on in your childs life and make sure that he has not brought things into your house that are not to be there. (I'm guessing) And for him well he is 18 and that legally makes him an adult so I can see where he wants his privacy and he thinks that you should have permission to go into his room. Tough situation because I see both sides.

who pays the rent or mortgage payments?if it is not him then ita not his room and you can enter at any time enough said !

There is some thing of repect that needs to go both ways. You are right since you pay the bills. I say unless something is amiss then he should not feel violated. Communication as usual is needed. Also acknowledge that feeling of indepence and at 18 he can move out and then you have no need to be concerned. Whatever hapens is then on him. Good luck with this. No where is off limits in my house as long as I pay the bills.

this is a difficult situation. none of my kids has ever told me this. they are now all of majority ages but, i can be with anyone of them anytime even in their beds. for me, parents have the right at all times to enter and search all of hte rooms in the house. it is your house, right? then, there is no way that anyone can tell you that you have no right to be in there. it would rather be better if you will talk to your son about this then, see if you can come up with a good compromise.

As long as he is under your roof, you have a right to search. When he gets out on his own then I would say you don't but if he is under your roof you have all the rights in the world. He should be respecting you as a parent to have this right too.

Hi zandi458, when comes to my children, they cannot say no when I enter or search their room. I know they want privacy but as long as they stay under one roof with me, they have to obey my rules. In that way there is no issue of who's right it is.

i believe in privacy but only that my room is restricted to my friends without permission. but my parents... they are always welcome to come in anytime of the day... with our without telling me about it. i don't know about your son. maybe he has reasons for it. but i hope you get to talk to him about it. and maybe when he understands, he won't feel bad anymore about you entering his room anytime, too.

I would tell him that, unless he is paying rent for the room, it still belongs to you. If he wants privacy he should get his own place... the same applies to house rules ~ if you don't like them, get your own house and make your own rules! You have the right to search the premises, considering that you are responsible for any illegal activity that may occur in your home. Also, you're a parent so you'll naturally be concerned about your child and investigate if you feel that there may be an issue.

Is your son still in school? If not does he work? If so, does he earn enough to rent himself a place of his own? As long as I lived under my parents' roof, I was expected to go by the house rules. If you expect him to clean his room, then he should expect you to check and see if it is cleaned. A lot of people won't agree with me about this but then I might not agree with them. MyLot is about opinons.

Hey ..! I am 18 too and I have no problem when my parents enetr my room ..! The only one thing that buggs me off is their peeping insie my room intentionaly and reading my personle diary!! Thats what I hate the most. Otherwise if your kid is not allowing you in his room then obviously he is hiding soemthing from you ...! And doing something which needs hiding is bad ..but not always. so I prefer doing every thing in front of my parents. Inspite of all that they still have no trust on me and sneak around my room.

Let me ask you a question, Zandi! Are you possessive about children? As far as your son's liberty is concerned I am agree with him. But if he is not taking any responsibility then it is not providing him any benefits regarding become a good human being! Apart from this as a parent when we gradually giving liberty to promote the concept of freedom in them selves; we must understood that really they are grown up and they have their own privacy! And so we must follow that by our own benefit as parent to get our selves out of any controversy regarding possessive element inherent in us. Some time we are habituated by possessiveness and making so many harmful things to us! Whatever kind of search you want to do in the room of grown children, then you ask them/him to allow you and make sure that he/she is ready to do that; because that is their responsibility, but for the preparation give them little time also! I think this may work as a magical thing in parental relationship because of the freedom concept is provided by responsibility and time factor too! But make yourself aware about possessiveness!

Where and when do you start respecting your son? Yes, he is in your house. I could never understand how a person could do this to their adult child. Are you that insecure with the way you raised your son? My 18 year old son was a handful, trust me. But I would never ever show him that type of distrust of him or the way I raised him. This is not to say that he or I am perfect, but how else to you teach respect except by showing respect?

Privacy implies trust. And showing him you trust him is critically important. It does work both ways though - why doesn't he trust you to go into his room? Is he afraid you will snoop, or judge? It is in your house after all, and so you are entitled to ensure that he is looking after his room, not ruining the carpet or tearing up the walls. That should be clear enough to him, and is pretty fair. I guess it comes down to why you want to search his room in the first place. If you have concerns, then open dialogue is going to always be the best approach. I hope that there isn't a major problem in your lives.

i think u has the mother or parent r right i also hav a teenage daughter and i do exactly the same its good to keep teenagers on their toes and keep them in check so has to help them forward into life with good upbringing to many teenagers and kids r joining in gangs and other things and its good to know wat is going on in ure teenagers life like the saying says u hav to b cruel to b kind

You are quite correct but sometimes it also happens like that you have the responsiblity without any right and vice versa..

both of ur point view r correct up to certain limit solve this problem sitting together and discussing it

I think you both are. Yes you have the right to search his room. It is in your house. But you said your son is now 18, which means he is an adult. And you may not be able to search another adult's room.

Parents should take care of children's privacy like they should not read their emails, letters, diary. But i dun think parents should not be allowed to enter their children's room. Is this a hotel or a family? Parents have the right to know who their children is mixing with, how are their children doing, and where they go. But they certainly have the right to lock the room when they are changing clothes.

I tell my children if I have too clean it then I have the right. Also what you do under my roof is my business when you leave I wont check your house up and down. If they are not telling you the stuff there doing and are building bombs in there room then yes you have the right. I have had the same argument with my son. He wanted to put a lock on his door but I wont let it happen. He can do what ever he likes in his own house but not in mine.

I think your son is right. As a teenager, I can understand your son. My parents won't search my room unless I agree. Believe your son and respect him!!