Forcing Classes on a Teenager
By Aerdran
@Aerdran (19)
United States
June 8, 2007 1:41am CST
My 17 year old daughter has decided that she does not want to take choir in high school next year. She's taken it for several years and says she just doesn't feel like taking it again.
My husband has talked to her about this without me being present, and he told her flat out that she WILL be taking choir and she WILL go talk to the office about this since registration for next year is closed. She hasn't done so and doesn't intend to, and probably can't, even.
What it comes down to is that he thinks he should be able to force her into doing something she doesn't want to do with a class that is a total elective and is not required for graduation OR college admission.
So what do you all think? Should he be able to force her to take a class like that? Like I said, he hasn't even brought it up to me, probably because he knows I'll shoot that right down. I don't think he has that right (she'll even be 18 in December). I definitely don't think he should go behind my back and tell her these things. How about you?
2 people like this
5 responses
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
8 Jun 07
Your daughter is seventeen, almost old enough to be classed as an adult, and he really shouldn't be able to force her to do anything. She shouldn't have to be in the choir, just because he wants her to. It is her business, especially being an elective. It is better she concentrate on what she wants and has to, not what her father wants. I'm just wondering if he is a bit of a control freak? And you are right, he shouldn't be going behind your back, my wife and I discuss all things regarding my son. That is what a family does! Ours, anyway.
@Aerdran (19)
• United States
8 Jun 07
Good timing!
As I mentioned in my response up there, yeah, he's a control freak. More than a bit of one, sadly. He does think that he should be in total charge of the household, and he hates when I don't let him get away with that, especially when he's hardly ever home anyway.
I just wish he would consider discussing these things with me instead of deciding them on his own. Yeah, I'll disagree, and he knows I will, and that's why he won't do it. I wager he thinks he'll talk her into it without my knowing, which boggles my mind since my almost 25 year old stepdaughter was in the car when he first brought it up, and she tells me things.
Ugh. It's just a mess.
Thanks for your response.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I agree with you. I think that your husband knows that he shouldn't be forcing her to do this or else he would have discussed it with you. Maybe this is his way of keeping hold of your daughter as she is getting older. She should be able to pick the electives she wants to take. I would definitely support her in this case.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Good for him if it still works. Yes, there comes a time that you have to let your kids go and think for themselves. We don't always agree with them, but they have to live and learn.
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I believe that the whole point of raising our kids is to raise them to be able to make their own decisions and at 17, your daughter certainly knows whether or not she wants to take choir. If she's not allowed to make her own decisions, then no one can complain when she's an adult on her own and is making poor choices. The kids have to practice making their own choices sometime. While they live at home is the safest place for them to make their own decisions. That way, if it's an unsafe choice, we, as parents, can gently guide them. Plus, much as we love them, we want them to leave the nest and fly on their own someday!
@Aerdran (19)
• United States
8 Jun 07
Unfortunately, he seems to be of the opinion that she has to take choir in order to learn responsibility. Try wrapping your brain around that one. He has to force her to do something she doesn't want to do so she'll be responsible. But then, this is the man who doesn't like giving her responsibilities because she's not responsible enough in his eyes. Isn't that how you learn responsibility?
I don't get it.
Thanks for responding!
@Aerdran (19)
• United States
8 Jun 07
Honestly, I think it's a control issue. He is more than a little bit of a control freak and he doesn't like people arguing with him. What he says, he thinks should go. It's a great way to make her hate choir, and perhaps singing altogether. Hell, when we go to her concerts he always acts put out because he has to get off of work early, and he never compliments her on any of it.
It just irks me. And he will have no idea why I don't agree with him and let him win with it. It's annoying.
Thanks for your response!
@nicolecab (923)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I took a diferent elective each year. In high school I loved taking drama but my senior year I got to take 3 electives so I added on art and took 2 classes of drama and in middle school I even took a shop class. I think if she is tired of it then she should make a change. It is suspose to be a fun class and you dont want to make her do something she will not enjoy. Tell her you support her descion and just stand behind her no matter what. Your hubby will get the pic.
@Aerdran (19)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Exactly. She seems to enjoy it less than before and so she shouldn't be forced to take it. She wants to focus on other things, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Apparently, he doesn't agree. I'm definitely going to support her on it, no matter what he says. He's being awfully unfair, and doesn't seem to see it that way.
Tahnks for your response!
