Too Much Responsibility At An Early Age
By someonesmom
@someonesmom (5761)
Canada
June 12, 2007 12:53am CST
Are you someone who had to take on a lot of responsibility from the time you were quite young?
For me, I grew up in a home without a dad from the time I was five, and with a mom who had many health problems. When my mom became ill with cancer when I was just 16, I was her sole caregiver. She passed away when I was 19, leaving me to care for my sister, who is 5 years younger than I. Because of these factors, I often feel that I didn't have a 'normal' childhood, and that I wasn't able to be a 'typical teenager,' as I had to grow up in a hurry.
Do you feel this way about your life, either past or present?
How has (is) this affecting you?
Please share your experiences here.
3 people like this
9 responses
@yamahagirl (415)
•
12 Jun 07
Hi there,
Can i start by saying sorry for your loss,and yes i had to grow up quick to parents expected to much from me, i now find myself doing child thinks at time maybe its because i never was allowed to do child things when i was little.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
12 Jun 07
yup. people who miss having good times when they are kids tend to catch up with the lost moments. and so, they think and act childish when they grow up. but not all of them though. and i don't find it really bad to act like one. i did have a good childhood but i act childish most of the time... anne
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Hi yamahagirl. Thanks for your kind words. It's too bad when kids find that so much is expected of them, but I don't see anything wrong in having fun, no matter what age we are. Being young at heart, helps me to feel young still. Thanks for your response.
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Hi maryannemax. I'm glad to hear you had a good childhood, and think it's okay to strike a balance, between maturity, and the ability to still feel like a kid. It helps to 'keep us younger' ... in my case anyway.:)
@ghettopriest (78)
• Jamaica
13 Jun 07
In my case I feel much older than I really am. I often jokingly tell my mom that they gave her the wrong birth certificate. This may be because I was skipped one year ahead of class in primary school (grade school).
My parents were very old school and believed in teaching responsibility at an early age, so we had lots of chores. At the time it was quite a bother and a hassle but now I am grateful that she did.
BUt its true that parents and guardians need to be careful that the dont rob children of a normal childhood.
It can have very seious consequences later in life, such as the adult behaving as a child because they are trying to live out that which they never had a chance to do when they were younger.
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
14 Jun 07
That's the way it seemed to be back when I was younger too, ghettopriest. Kids would always have 'lots' of chores, even if both parents were there, and they were a typical family. I think it's a good idea to strike a balance, between giving kids some responsibility, and still recognizing that they need to just be kids. I actually know of a case where a kid was given too much responsibility, when he was young, and it resulted in his total rebellion as a teen, and has caused problems (among other things) to this day. Thanks for your response, and welcome to myLot.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
12 Jun 07
you are one tough woman and a one strong person.
i was able to enjoy my childhood and teen years. i wasn't that responsible in many things before. i mean, i was trained to be responsible in doing household chores. but not as much as you've went through.
so, i salute you someonesmom. you did it. just sad you lost your mom when you're still young. but you did things right... anne
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Thanks for saying this, anne. I've been told over the years that I'm very strong, for various reasons, but have always felt like I've just done what I've had to do. It's always great for kids to learn to help out at home. I do miss having my mom here, to this day, and thanks again for sharing.
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
I'm glad your aunt was able to take care of you and your little brother, azimsay. I'm sure you were a big help to her, in looking after him. Thanks for your response.
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
You're right, nikki_d, my life hasn't been typical, compared to some. I trust you won't encounter these type of problems, and thanks for your response. Welcome to myLot.
@claytot75 (20)
• United States
13 Jun 07
i dont feel this way,but if ever ill be in that position wherein i need to carry all of my dad's or my mom's responsibility,ill do everything to help my family even sacrifice a lot of my personal needs just for my family's sake...its that way in our culture probably...love for family is yet too important...and honestly,this things you do now for ur sister is wanting me to tell u that im proud of you!!!just keep it up,i know someday youll get rewarded for your hardships...
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Thanks, claytot75. I have a great appreciation for cultures where family is valued so much, and your willingness to make this sacrifice if necessary. In our culture, family is also valued, and many would make the same choices that I made. My sister has expressed her appreciation for me over the years, and in many ways. We're very close. Thanks again, and welcome to myLot.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Jun 07
not me personally but my friend,
grew up in a fatherless home, her mom worked and she took care of the entire household, cooking and cleaning for 5 people from the age of 9 years old
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Hi winterose,
Your friend was so young to have all of these responsibilities. That's a lot of people to take care of, and I hope your friend's doing okay now. Thanks for sharing.
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
12 Jun 07
As for me , I didn't have much of a responsibility to shoulder to in my teenage days . But now in my late 50's I'm quite burdensome with duties haunting me every moment . Being the only earning member in the family I find it really hard to make both ends meet and I often curse myself for the pitiable plight in which I'm now.
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
It's great that you were able to enjoy your teenage years, sukumar794. I can definitely relate to the burden that you're feeling now, and the difficuly with making ends meet. However, I also believe, that we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves, and just keep doing our best. Thanks for your response.
@mummymo (23706)
•
12 Jun 07
oh dear someonesmom - I am so sorry that you had an awful experience like losing your mum at this age and I bet you did a great job with your sister. It must have been hard though - that sure IS a lot of responsibility at a young age! I didn't really have that experience but I do feel for you! I lost my mum when I was 2 and was adopted and raised by her parents! My Grandparents were fantastic and I couldn't have wished for anyone better to raise me! However they were very old fashioned in many ways and didn't really explain things they felt in any way uncomfortable with, that made life a bit more confusing but I know it was just their way. This has affected my parenting style hugely as I am very open and honest with my children and there is nothing that I will not discuss with them if they have questions! xxx
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Hi mummymo,
Thanks for your kind words. My sister and I are very close now, but at the time, it was a very rocky road. I'm sorry to hear about your mom too, and can relate to your grandparents being somewhat old-fashioned. My mom was this way too, although she did share a bit more with me, the last couple of years of her life. I'm now the same with my daughter, as you are with your kids, and I think this is the way to go. Thanks for your response.:)
