Do you ever compare other couples' relationships to your own??
By mean_queen
@mean_queen (1713)
Malaysia
June 12, 2007 8:58am CST
Have you ever thought to yourself.. "Why doesn't he ever do that to me?" or "They do more things together! What's wrong with us?" or even "How come they have more to talk about than us?"
Well, I think most of us who are in a relationship have gone through the 'relationship comparison syndrome', haven't we? It's just that some of us do it more frequently than others. I admit, I have been there once or twice and compared my relationship to others, but that never got me bummed about my own relationship. I believe that every couple is unique and they've got their own way of handling their relationship. If anything, I only try to make my own relationship improve from what it's lacking.
What's your take on this? Please share.. Thanks a bunch~!;D
5 people like this
26 responses
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
12 Jun 07
i think you do have reasons why you envy other couples. it's because your man does not treat you the way you expect him to treat you. maybe if you talk to him, things will be better. sometimes, open communication helps a relationship to be stronger... anne
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Yeah, I agree with anne.. Sometimes it could be frustrating when you don't get what you expect.. So rather than expecting, which would only hurt even more, communicate with him and tell him what you want. This way he know what you want out of him. Maybe right now he thinks everything is fine.. Owh well, just my opinion.. Good luck to you azimsay~!
@amaleigh73 (499)
• United States
12 Jun 07
I have done that plenty of times. When I catch myself doing it, I try to think of the differences in my husband versus the husband of the couple I'm comparing us to. My husband usually comes out on top! :-) When I'm comparing myself to the wife, I usually try to learn something from it. It could be a better attitude or maybe a more laid back attitude, whatever it is, I try to make it a healthy comparison. Then there are times when my husband and I start comparing ourselves to another couple we may not think so highly of. If we find similarities, it gives us something to work on. And sometimes it makes us feel really good about our relationship. Since it is just between the two of us, I don't see a problem with it. I think it is completely normal to compare as long as you don't obsess over it.
1 person likes this
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Exactly~! I agree that it shouldn't become an obsession but rather something to learn from. It's an ugly feeling when we compare with others and automatically feel depressed for what we don't have, right? Thanks for sharing~! =)
@linzmcwilliams (1552)
•
13 Jun 07
I have to admit that i do this. Most of the time i'm thinking, wow, we are so lucky and well matched.. we never fight like that or something to that effect. I don't remember comparing my relationship to another persons in a negative way. My boyfriend and i love it when people talk about only the first couple of months being passionate. We are as passionate as ever after three years and think we are doing pretty well!
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Well, I'm happy for the both of you~! It's great to hear how couples are able to be passionate after so long, and not only for the first few months. All the best to the both of you~! ;)
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Just the other day my fiancee and I compared our relationship to my brothers with his wife. I commented how we don't treat each other the way that my brother treats his wife. I think by comparing our relationship to other peoples makes us appreciate what we have even more. Sometimes it also gives us an idea on how to do something a better way as well.
@angela2006 (1845)
• China
13 Jun 07
yes,I do the thing too.not only that,I just compare my relationship with those relationship on tv,hehe.but I think I can benefit from that because I can meet what I have not done and we can study how to do better in the future.
@Nykkee (2522)
• Canada
12 Jun 07
My husband and I often compare out relationship to other people's but for the opposite reason. We ae together 24-7 when he is not at work, we love spending all of our time together, if we visit friends we go together, we do everyhting together. Often people will ask one or the other of us how we can stand being together so much, we don't understand how they can stand to be apart if they really love each other. We often wonder what is wrong with people that they can be in a realionship with someone that they feel they need time away from all the time.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
I hear ya.. Some people feel the need to have a time-off, I guess. =) Thanks for sharing~!
@LadyK2 (71)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Nykkee - my husband and I are the same - we hate being apart from each other. We just can't sleep or function. Might sound unusual to others but that's how we are. When one of us isn't home at bedtime, it's hard to fall asleep and we usually stay up until the other is home safely. Our kids are the same way with us - they don't like to be away from us. They'll go spend a week at their friend's homes, just like normal kids, but they'll call us daily to check in and let us know they are ok and they miss us.
Our friends are nothing like that - and if their kids are gone for a week, they don't hear from them except for if they call to say they want to stay longer or come home early. And our friends are the type that can't wait to get away from their spouses. They love each other - they just prefer to be left alone.
I've always asked my hubby, are we the strange ones because we're always together and enjoy it? He says we aren't strange, everyone else is, LOL.
@Nykkee (2522)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
That's awsome LadyK I am so glad to hear that another couple shares our opinion on how a marriage should be! We don't understand the people always needing time apart. You know i ask my husband that same question and he give me that same answer, it's too bad we don't live in the same area you sound like you'de be a great couple to hang out with for us.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
12 Jun 07
i had been there before many times. when i had been with exes who did not treat me right. so, i always end up hoping and wishing that he (an ex) can treat like other men treat their girlfriends.
but now, no more. i am in a healthy and good relationship i never expected i could ever have. i can no longer ask for anything more. i am happy having him in my life and i don't think i don't need to put myself into envying other relationships... anne
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
12 Jun 07
Yes I have seen myself doing this different times but sometimes what we see is not always the way things are . It is kind of like the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side but when you get over there you realize that it really isn't . It was the way you were looking at it or the way the sun was reflecting on it making you see it this way . Even when someone goes on about how wonderfully happy their relationship is does not mean that this is really the case . Most times people don't want others to realize there is a problem and would rather sugar coat the situation then show there really is a problem .
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Yup! Yup! I've seen this with my friends too.. I was really fooled to think that they were like the perfect couple! Apparently not~! Well, just goes to show that we should appreciate what we have and not concentrate on what we don't have.. ;) thanks for the response~!
@mari_skye (1637)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Yes, sometimes I have compared my relationship with that of the other couples I see or with my friends relationship. Sometimes I feel a little envious but it's not that often. And I always remind myself that the relationship I have right now is the very best and unique!:P I also have to remind myself that no relationship is ever perfect; that every couples go through some rough times. And I do agree with you, each and everyone in a relationship has their own way of handling their relationship to make it work best for them.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Exactly~! Like some couples who fight all the time, maybe that's just their way of communicating. We may think it's crazy but if it works for them, then who are we to judge? Same goes for those couples that look so perfect~! So yeah, we should definitely appreciate our boyfriends for who they are~! Go call him, and tell him 'I love you' now!! LOL~!
@missweety (626)
• Latvia
12 Jun 07
yes i do compare ather coples'relationships with my...
...but all i see that my boyfriend really loves me like noone before hase loved me, like noone does - of coure we have arguments but it's ok.... we are lucky 'cause we have found each other and are in love....
luck to you..... :)
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Yeah, comparing to other's is normal, but what you do with that comparison is what's important. G'luck to you too~!! ;)
@butterfly39 (3904)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Yes it's a normal feeling that you'll compare something from the other. But don't ever let your partner know that you are comparing the relationhip with the other. Not good, we might offend them.
So maybe just pick up the good things and a bit improve it, I am sure it will help.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
I usually just tell my boyfriend what I want from the relationship, rather than telling him directly "I want you to do what he does" kinda thing.. I'm glad my boyfriend's not too sensitive about this and is open to suggestions on how to improve our relationship.. =) thanks for your response butterfly39~!
@Hogdaddee (9)
•
12 Jun 07
My ex-wife used to do that all the time - that's why she's my ex-wife!
I think it is human nature to size up the competition, for the good or the bad of it. The problem comes when it becomes an obsession or that when no amount of happiness stability, companionship or whatever is enough becuase so and so does this or so and so have that.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
Hahaha!! I seee..... Well, you're absolutely right~! Sorry it didn't turn out well for you..
@sweetmae27 (181)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
hi mean_queen! yes i sometimes do that. there's no such thing as perfect relationships that's why we sometimes see what's lacking in our relationships compared to other couples. but at the end i always come to realize that im lucky enough to have my husband who's always love me for what i am. yes you are right that we are the ones that should make our own relationship improve.
@shemah (840)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
yeah. i have to admit i do suffer from that a bit. But most times, the grass always looks greener on the other side. If you are really sure that you're with "the one" then you should really appreciate what he/she is and accept them the way they are. It's true what you said.. it's not wrong to compare as long as it really doesn't bum you out. My grass is pretty green nowadays. :)
@selina0625 (1379)
• Philippines
12 Jun 07
Guilty. Guilty as charged. Yes I sometimes do that. I'll ask myself why is my husband not that sweet to me or not that funny and a lot of things I feel he's not doing to me which I'm seeing husbands doing to their wives. But at the end of the day I will come to a realization that my husband is who he is. He accepts me and loves me for who I am and so I should too. And I also came to realize that we are happy with our relationship now that I shouldn't really compare what we have with others.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
Aww. I think that's sweet.. Humans are only humans and we're bound to feel unsatisfied about what we already have. I can totally relate to you too. I say my boyfriend's this and that, and not like this or like that.. It's only natural. =)
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
15 Jan 09
Yes, my better half is very particular in making these kind of comparisons. She always tells me that other's husbands are better than you........LOL!
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
12 Jun 07
I do compare relationships and I do share it openly. However, what good does it do? Often, we tend to compare only what do we not get. What about the pluses of our own relationships? Does the other couple has it? We do not know. It is just an avenue for me to voice what I envy and we both just brush it off literally and not take it seriously. Otherwise, we would be in for lots of unhappiness.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
You're totally right. Humans always tend to see what they don't have and not what they already have.. Thanks.. :)
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
12 Jun 07
Sometimes I do compare other couples' relationship to mine. Although I fully understand every person is unique and we have our own way of handling things, occasionally I feel bad and sad due to my hubby doesn’t do like any men' do. Apparently I have to get over it and tell myself that I am the one who accepted to marry him.
@aaamm3003 (398)
• India
12 Jun 07
nice discuusion, i am not married but i have a girlfriend and i do compare my relationship with others if some misunderstanding take place between us, i let her know that live as how other live, treat as how other treat, but i think that it is not good to compare our relationship with other
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
It's natural to compare our relationship to others.. But just remember that what we see in other couples, might not be what really goes on 'behind the curtains', you know what I mean? I knew a couple who seemed like they had the perfect relationship, and all of a sudden I heard from a friend that they broke up.. So the grass does look greener on the other side, but don't be fooled. =)
@fly_shay (333)
• Philippines
12 Jun 07
Yap.I also sometimes compared our relationship from others. But like you,it does not go beyond to what should be expected.We can't do away with that since it's a syndrome so, it will just come and go.The important thing there is, you know how to cope with it because if not, then you'll probably break up your own relationship.
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
Yeah, you're right.. I agree with you completely. It's better not to sabotage our own relationship.. thanks for sharing.. :)
