to marry someone older? or younger?

Philippines
June 13, 2007 8:48am CST
knock some sense into my mind! this may sound crazy, but hey, nothing's impossible. what if you were in a situation wherein you are to choose whether to marry someone who's much older than you or someone much younger than you are...who would you choose? the hitch is: you both love them. obviously, the older guy is more stable but he doesn't have that much time for you since he's a workaholic and is a bit of a playboy. the younger guy however, gives you all the time, love and care that you need but is jobless and is still studying and is so much dependent to his well-off parents. they both offer to marry you? which would you choose????
7 people like this
30 responses
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
13 Jun 07
It is better to have 2 to 3 years of age difference (higher on boy's side). If the difference increases beyond 5 years, there will be some emotional clashes and problem of adjustment of feelings and respect.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
thanks for your comment. anyway, i feel more comfortable really with someone older than me....preferrably more than 5 years older....the older the better. i like matured men.
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
16 Jun 07
5 years older than you cannot affect the relationships emotionally. What I was talking about is young girls marrying old men. I apporeciate your opinion on maturity of people who are older than you.
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I wouldn't be able to choose either one to be honest with you. I figure that which ever guy you decide upon that later you might regret the choice that you have made. While it would be nice to marry a guy that has lots of money I think that you would become lonely because of him being a workaholic and not spending that much time with you. On the other hand I wouldn't want to marry a younger guy that is immature and has to rely on his parents to support him. I want a guy that loves me, has the time to spend with me, and is mature enough to handle what life sends his way.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
you have a point. thanks. it's just so hard to choose and decided on whether to hold on to one or let go of both because i love them. ohhhh...love, love, love! sigh!
1 person likes this
@dfollin (25371)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Why do you have to choose one?Personally,I would choose the younger one,if I loved him.If the older one is a playboy,it does not seem you could trust him to be faithful.If the younger one is still studying then,who knows he may become something from his studies.You say his parents are well-off.Would they help you all financially till he get's done with school? Why do you HAVE to marry one of them? I would tell the younger one that you can not get married till he at least shows some respondsability he has to get a descent part time job.Why do you have to choose either one?
1 person likes this
@rebelann (112966)
• El Paso, Texas
15 Sep 19
I don't think marriage is a necessity, why not just play the field and simply depend on yourself to get along.
• India
13 Jun 07
I feel you have posteed to discussion specailly for women . If so soory for me responding to this discussion. I being a male would prefer to marry the one too older , The too younger one may have million of youth dreams. And which at sometime would become impossible if she marrys me. So I dont want to be out of in such a situation where she is helpless because she married me. Seems like you are a new user , Welocme to Mylot !!!
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
Welcome , Good you have a catch at the begining itself. Good luck !!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
thanks. it's really helpful to hear advice from both sexes. so thanks again...:)
1 person likes this
@nicolec (2671)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Oy, that's a tough one. I think it would depend on how I 'fit' with both of them. Even you love people the same there are some you jsut have a better conection with. Which one makes me laugh more. which one makes me feel more special. Personally I prefer older me, but not if they are a work aholic and a payboy. Can you marry the old one with the money and have an affair with the younger one?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
hahahaha...sorry i'm laughing! it's because it's like you hit me right on the spot! i'm a bit guilty about what you said. if things were a bit easier.... if only that is allowed! sigh....thanks for your comment. :)
1 person likes this
@aleeming1 (163)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
Well first of all I wouldn't let myself be in a situation where I love two guys at once. Secondly I would choose the older guy, because its weird for me to date someone younger than me. No matter if he is a workaholic. And I would talk to him about his playboy ways.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
thanks for your comment. :) i sure hope he has changed his ways. it's also quite hard to date someone younger because he's a bit childish.
1 person likes this
@coferbox (298)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Neither one. You are obviously not convinced that either on is 'the one' or you wouldn't be asking this question. When you find the right guy you won't have to ask anyone else what you should do. But just for the record you should never marry someone who is a workaholic and a bit of a play boy. Hard working is one thing, but you have to have balance in your life. And you don't need a playboy of any age. The younger guy sounds sweet but not at a sage in his life where he is ready for marriage. And lastly why do you say they 'offered' to marry you like they are doing you a favor? Think a little more of yourself and look around for what and who makes you happy.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
thanks for knocking some sense into my mind. sometimes i feel stupid, i easily get moved by love.
• Australia
14 Jun 07
I'd go for the older guy. I think it is good and healthy for the well being of a woman to have the man older than her. Also, that is the more acceptable practice in the Philippines on much older guys versus the much younger for that matter. You situation is more of a personal preference. This decision making weighs more on what is truly more important to you as a person. Evaluate yourself. Needless to say, you know what is important to me. You go choose yours. Good luck!
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
thanks...
@dfollin (25371)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Hi,I just responded to you and I had more thought after I read your other replies.My husband and I were 6 years apart,he was older than I and we seemed tobe at the same level of maturism.Males are about 3 year behind in maturity as females,so I was told.I don't think age has alot to do with it.The older man,I definitly would not marry,because who could not trust him to be faithful.I told you that if you were going to marry the younger man,it would not be real good him depending on someone else for financial help.If he cannot follow the ultamatum I suggested you give him shortly (like a few months) then you don't need him either.Like I said why do you HAVE to get married. Good luck
@dfollin (25371)
• United States
15 Sep 19
@sweetleilani79 Lol! Hope you get your wish.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
just like any other girl...i want to walk down the aisle wearing the white wedding gown. oh...sorry im a hopeles romantic. but thanks for sharing your thoughts...it will really help me think about my situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
If you love both it would be a tough choice. Because when a person is in love they are thinking with their heart and not being logical about the choice. Well that being said the thing that would kick him out of my choosing him is the fact that he is a playboy. When I get married I want someone who will be for me all the way. I would have to say I would marry the younger guy and just discuss with him the fact that I believe in standing on my own feet so that he would not be able to get help from his parents financially or otherwise. That us being married means that we support ourself and we solve any problems we come up against we solve between the two of us.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
you're absolutely right. it is so hard to choose. if i choose the older guy, i have to face the consequence of me being left behind at home most of the time and the probability of him having another woman. if i choose the younger guy, i'm afraid that we will have money problems. thanks for your advice. i will surely think about it.
1 person likes this
@mada9898 (193)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I would chose neither one. There are many fish out in the sea. I think if you were meant for one of these guys the younger one would have a job already and the older guy would spend more time with you if he loved you back. I think you should choose someone else.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
thanks. i'm actually thinking about that.
• China
14 Jun 07
To marry older or younger doesn't matter .The crucial point is that you both love each other.But let me choose in in the two options,as a girl,I prefer to choose someone who is younger than me .physically and mentally need .Trying to imagine,when you are 30 years old,the right time to get married .Right?you married an older guy,who is,let's say 48 years old .can he give you a satisfaction life,I mean sx.and in an other words,what he can give you is something you will go in the future. so No need to go so earlier .As for the boy,he is energetic full of novelty. And he can leads you to a different world,which will makes your younger than your actual age .As for the career,he is still young,there are a lot of opportunities for him .Maybe he has no much wealth now .but both of you have enough time to make it .Personal opinion just for reference .
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
thanks for sharing your thoughts. it really helps.
• China
14 Jun 07
I think it is hard to say, someone will marry older while someone marry younger, if you love he/she , you do not care he is older or not, My boyfriend is 1 year younger than me , I think is good for us and we get along with each other very well!
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
you're both lucky to have each other. good for you! Good luck and thanks.
@Abysia (27)
• United States
14 Jun 07
My advice would just be to go with your heart, if you love him, then nothing else matters.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
yeah...i'm just so afraid to fail. thanks.
@pendragon (3348)
• United States
13 Jun 07
My gf is ten years younger almost to the day, about a month off.We will def be married.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
good for you! Good luck...thanks
• India
13 Jun 07
its a very simple scenario...you need to choose the one who is truly in love with you...it might seem a billion dollar question but believe me you can't find an answer for this from outside...start searching with you and you'll find whom to go along with...all the best[:)]
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
thanks for your advice.
• United States
13 Jun 07
I think that it does not matter at all i mean ae is a number my friend is 25 and her husband is 50 and 2 beatiful kids and you cant tell the age difference and they do not acare i think everyone has there own choices and belifs me i cant date older guys and all and i mean that is me but otheres can maybe if i met one it would not matter and all but hey it your choice and all.I think that evreyone is diff and god made us that way for a reason for everyone to like something else and all..
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
thanks for sharing your thoughts...
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I've actually been in this situation. My first husband was 10 years older than me. I had career aspirations and he couldn't deal with them, after we got married it's like the vows were the equivalent of ownership papers to him and the marriage was miserable. He was unsupportive, self centered and selfish emotionally, not to metion other issues that arose. I was nothing but a trophy. I asked for a divorce on our first anniversary. My second hubby is 7 years younger than me. When we met he had only graduated high school the year before. Everyone told me this would never work, and it was just a fling. How could I be interested in someone who appeared to have such different priorities with his life? He is caring, sweet, responsible and always attentive to my every need. Our relationship is not perfect, but I can tell you that after he was done with the Marine Corp and college after he is not only a wonderful provider, he is also my best friend, and has treated me better than anyone I've ever had a relationship with that is older than me.
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
oh thanks for your comment. it made me cry, really. especially for someone like me who has been broken by my past relationships, i'm really looking for someone whom i can be very happy with for the rest of my life. i'm so afraid to be hurt and fail. thanks again. great help.
@una1129 (271)
• China
16 Jun 07
MY GOD.It's difficult to choose, at least for me,i don't know. Maybe the younger one i prefer.
@Dan_ul (858)
• Romania
13 Jun 07
the right one...;) don't know who that is... but you should... The problem you've described above it's somehow very complicated... 2 guys, different characters, different occupations, different ages... 2 marriage proposals... did I forgot something? oooooo yes... all this are fairly correct variables, right?... the wrong one is "you both love them"... wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG... no one can love two persons at the same time (I mean boyfriend to girlfriend or girlfriend to boyfriend love)... How should I put it? love it's an atomic attribute;)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
yeah love, it's sometimes crazy...huh? thanks for sharing your thoughts.