It's my fault isn't it?

Children w/special needs are really of no fault by the parent. I have 2 children on the autism spectrum; they're both significantly delayed. But, you mentioned therapies. That's a great thing. At least you have your child in therapy. Some parents don't see, or are in denial of, the problems. When you're working to resolve them, that's the best thing you can do.

I don't know anything about having a special needs kid, but I know about a needy one. My youngest daughter is 9, but she acts like she's 4. She doesn't do much for herself in the way of brushing her hair, spreading the peanut butter, making decisions. Being the last child, my older children always did things for her. She started talking late because she didn't have to speak for herself. She isn't spoiled, she just doesn't 'know' how to do things for herself. When her hair was down to her butt, I knew why she didn't brush her own hair, it would've taken all week. But now it's up to her shoulders and she still wants me to brush it. I used to have to go into the bathroom to wash her hair and make sure all the soap was out, but I fixed that. I told her to grow up a little. I had been prepping her to shower alone since she was 5 or 6, so I knew she could handle it. She refused to read for a long time, she's slow at math, but she has an intelligence that is astounding, she just refuses to do the basics. She pretends that a word or problem is too tough, so could I please help her??? She didn't tie her own shoes until she was 7. That's what I mean by 'needy'. She is a great kid, and the highlight of my day, but sometimes she takes the whole 'baby of the family' thing a bit too far. I'm sorry for your heartache. My suggestion is- start with basics. I think your son will learn, just at a slower rate. Do NOT blame yourself for doing for him, just try to remember that he won't do for himself until he knows how and has to. For example, if you stop feeding him, he will learn to feed himself. That was my lesson learned from Courtney. She is alot better now, but I still brush her hair. Good luck to you and God bless your family!!!

I think having a child with any kind of a problem can be pretty devastating. I doubt very much that you are the cause of his problems, but I know just saying that isn't going to help you believe it. You have sounded very depressed and defensive in many of your last postings. Have you considered getting some counseling to help you get through this? Dealing with the problems you have had has been very stressful. I hope you will find someone to talk to about it; I really think it would help. Of course, as a retired mental health counselor, I am biased! lol! Seriously, though, don't try to handle all this by yourself, ok? I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Please do not be so hard on yourself, I know this is easier said then done. I have 2 special needs children but the oldest of the 2 I also felt it was my fault that she is so behind. I didn't realize there was a big problem until she was 3 and still hadn't said more than mama. She is 11 and has behaviors of a 5 to 6 year old. She has been in therapy since she was 4. Please be very proud of yourself that you have gotten him help and you are doing all you can for him. Some parents, like my neighbor, believe everything is fine and dandy and are so in denial the child suffers most of their lives. You are doing a great job! Just take it one day at a time and know you are doing all you can for him.

I am in a similar situation. My 2 year old was evaluated a couple of mos before his 2nd birthday and was speaking at a 11month old level. I felt terrible and cried. I wish I could do more as well. He's in speech therapy and is pretty much up to par now, amazingly. :( But try not to feel bad. For my son, he had some medical problems as an infant (chronic ear infections and torticollis) so I think that had a small part in it, but who knows. I just hope it wasnt from me or anything that I didnt do. (hugs) to you. I think you are very strong and doing a great job with your little guy

First of all, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Children are delayed for all sorts of reasons. And your son is young enough that he may very well catch up later or only need resource classes and a little extra help in school. And if he just turned three, then he's only a few months behind. Small children often develop at different rates, and nowadays we are very quick to label a child as being "special" even though there is the possibility that they will grow out of it. Even if he always remains a little behind, please remember that this is not your fault. Determine the maximum of his capabilities, and help him do what he cannot do for himself. Don't baby him (especially when he's older) and do hold him accountable for his actions. But remember--he's still very much a baby. These evaluations are telling you that he's about eight months behind his peers--remember that this is not a huge chunk of time. There's still plenty of time for him to catch up. And even eight months is not so great of a gap that he can't benefit from resource and the like by the time he's school age. It's easy as a mother to feel responsible for a child's shortcomings. I was born with a birth defect that prevented my speech from developing normally. It took five years of therapy to fix it, but now I'm fine. My mother had to get past the guilt too. Just remember that everything happens for a reason, and that you have done nothing wrong here. Best of luck.

Hi, Sweetie! Wow, we have a lot in common! :-) I also have a special needs child. If you don't mind my asking, what is his diagnosis, if he has a formal one? If you don't want to state publicly, you can send me a PM. I have gone through a lot with my daughter and I would be happy to help you if I can. :-)

Don't be so hard on yourself. There are somethings that are beyond our control as parents. My daughter is also behind, at 8 months old she was BARELY learning how to eat by mouth. She's 10 months old now, and doing better, she is about 2 months behind in all areas due to her being a premmie (born at 33weeks). But keep your head up - when my daughter was born the dr's didn't expect her to live 24 hours because of servere complications, kids never fail to amaze us! ;)

You are not to blame in any way for this . I understand your grief and how you feel that you are somehow responsible as I went through all of this last summer with my son , who has a lot of problems and will for the rest of his life . We have been to more doctors in the last year then I want to think about . Helping your child is a good thing not a bad thing . It is hard to look at a child and know that he or she is going to have a harder time in life or that they are not the same as the other children around and it is really hard not to cry when you think of the hardships your child will have to endure but after a lot of crying myself and wondering where I went wrong and what I did , I finally realized that he is still my son and no matter what I will always do what I can for him and will always be there for him and the fact that he is not as smart or as capable as someone else , does not change the love I feel for him or the fact that he is still just as important in life . Don't blame yourself for something you have no control over as you are not to blame in anyway and never were to blame . This is your child and he is just as sweet and adorable and important as any other child and he is yours . Remember all the times he has made you laugh and all the times you have felt your heart swell with pride over something he has done . Then look at your son and realize this is your baby who will always be more important to you then life itself and nothing or nobody can EVER take that away from you . Take Care !!

You don't say a diagnosis..but you can not blame yourself. You probably are doing too much..but unless you are trained in the way to teach your child, it will be extremely frustrating for you and your child. I work with adults that are develop mentally disable, there are special ways to train these people and the early the training begins the better. I wish I could help more..the place I am at is in the process of starting a preschool program. They have all the funding and approvals in place and are looking for a location. The regular school starts at school age, kids from all over come there, if they can't get to the point where they can return to their home schools and live with their families when they age out of the school, they have residences for the adults to live in. Many go into the communities and have jobs and just need minor living assistance, others need more assistance, but for the most part they are happy people. Please, feel free to send me a note so we can discuss more specific info.

HI maildumpster.please don't so hard on yourself,it is not your fault.I know all parents are afford of they children so many things and care.Sometimes only accident,it is not your fault.Please don't worry about that,everything will be fine. Blessing you.

Do not beat yourself. Just allow your child to take his time to grow. There are some kids who gets delayed. What he needs more than ever is your loving support. It will help if you and your relatives could pray for him. Nothing is impossible.

Maybe in your case, you feel doubted that you are the reason why you have this situation in life, when you have special child, even i dont experienced that, i want you to know your will blessed by God in some ways, you are chosen one to carry this special someone to really taking care of, and be responsible on the way you will carry this load. You will feel guilty but on other ways, you need feel you are lucky and be happy that in all this ending you will be loved by God somehow..on your sacrifices and unselfesh love you will give and show.

You can change him with constant love and care he'll be able to make it... He was taking therapies as you mention... You also participating with his therapies? I'm do you also follow-up him and even teaching him when he's at home...well if yes, that's it good...if not,you should start now.. Cause you should do some follow-ups also at home... Dont let the therapist do the work alone...he needs a contant therapy even at home... I dont have one like yours but i do can relate on that coz, im a teacher....i do handled some cases also, there already graders...there in co-ed schools not in special one...their parents enrolled them to have some socialization and do learning also with their level of intellegence... Don't worry in due time, he'll improve you'll see... Just be a loving, caring and supportive mom...

You are doing for him what needs to be done. Maybe if you feel that he could grow in those areas then you should aim to help him develop those skills. It is not your fault but you can help him move forward.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you are crying every day but what is done is done and although I don't speak from personal experience the best for you to do now is to make life good for your son. I'm not saying do everything for him but give him a happy, loving home life, spend what time you can helping him - but challenge him, give him things to do and only help when you see him struggling. Give him the chance to do or learn to do on his own.

There must be a purpose for it...probably to test your faith in God...think of the the condition of your child as gift and a challenge that you must hurdle...you should always pray and all your prayers will be answered and do not lose hope like there is no tomorrow becasue God Loves you so much that he will take good care of you and protect you in the most difficult and trying times.

As everyone has said already, don't be so hard on yourself. Let the doctors & the therapist use these tests & numbers for determining what should be done, changed etc- but perhaps you'd be better off not hearing the numbers at all. It's all subjective & they don't really mean much in reality.The question should be is he progressing from where he was, and obviously he is & that's what matters. His pace is going to be unique to him, and that's OK. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you're doing the best you can with the situation.

Please do not be so hard on yourself. First of all I applaud you for what you do. Caring for a special needs child is stressful and I hope that you are taking care of yourself. My daughter has a mild learning disability, but she has not allowed it to hold her back any. She too was a couple years behind in learning. We went to speech therapy, have been involved in her learning and in two years she will be graduating high school. She is planing to be a PSW. So, do not allow what people say to you, get you down. So what if he is a couple years behind. You are not to blame in any way. Children learn at different levels is all. :)

bear with and remember your the infinite. This only the temptation and you have to be tough!