I don't think I will survive this..
By yanjiaren
@yanjiaren (9031)
June 14, 2007 7:09am CST
I was feeling a bit weak last night and just wanted to talk to hubby in the evening..american time around seven pm, he started cursing me and told me not to phone him again..as i 'harass' him in the evening and it's not convenient for him..I am beginning now to suspect something is wrong..a wife should be able to phone her hubby in the evening, when she is long distance to ask for a bit of love and moral support shouldn't she?
Now he doesn't want me even to phone him in the morning when we have a chat for five minutes..a day..I don't know if I am going to survive this total lack of communication and I really don't know what to do..
if i stay in this house waiting for a crappy email from him it will drive me crazy..i AM THINKING OF GETTING OUT AND ABOUT AND MAYBE MAKING SOME NEW FRIENDS..dO YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
I AM NOT GOING TO BE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER MAN..I HAVE BEEN UNLUCKY WHERE MEN ARE CONCERNED, ONE BAD MARRIAGE AND NOW A MAN THAT IS ON THE VERGE OF DUMPING ME FOR NO VALID REASON..but I can't stay in all the time like I HAVE BEEN FOR HIM, HOLDING A CANDLE AS WE SAY IN GREEK..If I am not even allowed to express my love or feelings towards him, what kind of relationship is this?
I am beginning to feel it is the beginning of the end and only a miracle now can hold this together..I am not made of stone but I am beginning to think he is..Whenever he needed love and support I was always there, even at his worst but I don't think I can uite handle this shock..
hugz to my friends..
10 people like this
23 responses
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
14 Jun 07
dear sweetie, sometimes we are at cross roads , donot know what to do, what is right and what is wrong. we lose the sense of judgement even!! love is a strange thing we cannot do without being in it and when we are into it, its as hard as it gets.
i donot know what to say, i feel you are the best judge of your life. just reason with him for this is certainly something not done. he just cannot abuse you and get away with it. its possible that he is in a mess there with professional problems disturbing him like anything. everything is understandable but there is no explanation to this disinterestedness. he should speak out his mind, you should not be in dark. its your life yanji, he should understand it.
yes, making new friends is a great idea. make new friends, go out, spend time with beautiful ppl . may be engage yourself in something you love doing...i feel, no one is indispensable, life has to move on and so do you have to as well.
we are with you. just ask for it, i will do my best to cheer you up. now stop crying general, start the marching, do it now.
LIfe is not a mid summer's night dream
Nor it is the tempest
It is but the comedy of errors
So spend as you like it........
5 people like this
@josephperera (2906)
• Sri Lanka
14 Jun 07
I think you must respect your husband's point of view also. From your previous posts it was clear that you were overflowing with affection for your husband. But sometimes this attitude can be a bit of a nuisance.
When I and my wife were courting 17 years ago, we did not have telephones at home. But my wife's family got a telephone line during that time and she was calling me daily and it became such a nuisance. In fact our courtship nearly came to an end.
But fortunately her father intervened and prohibited her from using the phone. Things went on the right track after that and now we have a 14 year old son.
3 people like this
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
15 Jun 07
i gatta add something here to joses post... All the lady wants to do is talk to her husband is that wrong? No it's not... he should be very happy his wife loves him the way she does and it sure seems like she does to me... For her to phone him and say hi and how are u isn't wrong.. i have a friend that calls me every day i love it he talks to me and we get along great and thats all she wants too.. So for u to tell her to back off isn't right in my oppion... Sorry jose but some ppl do think differently than others...
2 people like this
@brendalee (6082)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Big hugs to you today yanji. I really don't know what to say except listen to your heart. But I do think you should go out and enjoy yourself instead of waiting around for him. You need to have a life too. And when the time comes and it was ment to be, you will be together again. Remember last time this happened, it all worked out. You hang in there girl!
3 people like this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
14 Jun 07
girl i am sorry that you are going through this, but honey you have to get out. get out and go have lunch with a friend. go shopping. just get out of the house waiting for the phone to ring or the computer to say you got mail!! you need your own life outside of your relationship. even more so when you are apart. staying home just waiting and waiting in no good for anyone. i am not saying go out and find a man, i am saying get out and find a life!!!!
3 people like this
@tdbrower1969 (1242)
• United States
14 Jun 07
That does not sound right at all. I am sorry that you are facing this problem. Maybe you could pop him an email and tell him how you are feeling, and in turn he would reconsider whatever it is he is doing that is keeping him away from his wife. I think you do need friends to help you through this time, sitting at home stewing about it will just make it worse. But, I would also try to find a time where you and your hubby could discuss the issues in your marraige. Good luck!
@melissa911 (92)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I think it would be a great idea for you to get out and make new friends. No wonman should have to put up with how your husband is treating you. A marriage is 50/50. Sounds like your giving 99% and he is giving 1%. He should be welcoming your calls when you are apart. Not cursing you for calling him. I would say sounds like something needs to change.
3 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
14 Jun 07
Yes, It would be a good idea for you to get out and about and make some new friends. Where is your hubby when you try to call him? Is he over seas or in the military or something? I don't understand why you can't call at all if that isn't the case. That doesn't sound right. Does he call you at all? Do you have any hobbies or interest? maybe you can find some thing to do along those lines. Where you can meet new friens you will have common interests with.
2 people like this
@aidonia (4209)
• Greece
14 Jun 07
Come on my friend...where is your Greek spirit?As I know you all these time you have a good marriage with your husband.He had a bad moment,don't stay at these.Sometimes timing can be wrong..you needed d little support but maybe he had bad day too.Don't forget that you fell many times lonely and you are with your family and the more important with your son,he is all alone so he have the right to fell worst than you.take little time ,give him 1-2 days and after start jump to bad conclusions,and please don't give attention to some post you get and they tell you he can be with some one else...
With no way i don't tell you that *na tou kratas fanari*but before be sure first.If you ask me after few days maybe hours you will see that was just a bad moment.....
Ipomoni ola tha ftiaksoun....filakia.
@elisata (568)
• Netherlands
14 Jun 07
Dear Yan,
I feel for you... and I know where you are... I once had a long distance relationship too, and it was too much to stand, in the end.
OF COURSE you should go out the house and make new friends!!
I don't know much about you, of course, but this I do know: you are too devoted to causes and persons that are dear to you. You are pushing your "me, myself, I" to the background too much, if you ask me.
Like your devotion to MyLot. Much as I like the forum, I don't want to live FOR the forum... much as I love my husband, and god knows I do, I do not live FOR my husband.Do you see what I mean?
If your husband overseas cannot give you 10 minutes a few times a day over the phone, then in my book he is a lousy husband. I can put it in nice wording, but it still comes to the point that he is...lol.
Come on dear, you are a warm, pleasant woman, with a lot of assets you can share with people who know what a friendship/relation means: two way traffic!! It is time you came out of your shell and view the world as it is: a place where you have to stand up for yourself, live with yourself, and enjoy the company of some nice people. Not only cyber friens like we are, but real genuine people who can give you a hug before they walk home!
Wash your hair, put on some blusher and go conquer the world!! You can do it, I KNOW you can!!
Love from Elisabeth
2 people like this
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I can only think of one reason why your hubby dosnt want you to call him, there must be someone there with him and he dosnt want her to know about you.,How far away is he and why is he away from home? If he didnt want me to call than I would not and i would begin to make a new life for myself,dont sit and wait to hear from him maby if you are not there when he wants to talk than he will begin to wander.
@navtech (1773)
• India
15 Jun 07
Hi, yanjiaren, Forgive your husband for the time being. I do agree, it hurts too much. I had a bitter experience on this account. Without looking into the valid reason do not take any serious steps. Sometime, men get irritated on many accounts when he is doing his job. Therefore, do not conclude your husband is dumping you. Without finding his cause of non-response nature, do not come to any conclusion. Life is something that we want to live peacefully, happily.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
15 Jun 07
Oh I am sorry to hear that. Trying to stay close at adistance has to be one of the hardest tasks, even when everyone involved has the best intentions.
I hope it isn't a situation where there may be someone else there. Is he normally gruff, or is this becoming increasingly out of character for him?
I don't think you are in the wrong here. At all. I am sorry you are dealing with this and hope you get some better news.
@simona1987 (201)
• India
14 Jun 07
Seems like u are in a very tight spot. Communication is very important in a relationship n lack of it can be quite frustrating. I suggest u go out, make new friends n have a nice time to keep ur mind off these things. But do not be so cynical about ur relationship with ur husband. Maybe u should just confront him n ask him whats wrong. It may be possible that something is bothering him. Once u find out the problem and the cause of it, then i suppose u wud be able to deal with it properly.
2 people like this
@fellowlife (988)
• Nigeria
15 Jun 07
i think your husband's a little bit unfair on you.what i understand to be the bane of all relationship is lack of communication which causes a huge gap and most times leads to distrust among partners.
I see no reason why you husband would not want you to like call him just to express your care and love to him and to maybe unwind him in case he is having a bad day at work.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you and i believe with prayers everything would work out fine
1 person likes this
@nhoj05 (49)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
communication is very importnat in ones relationship. I belive you are on a " long distance relationship" right? communication should be the first, even if you love each other, this will still strenghten your relationship. Im' sorry to hear that your husband did that to you. Try to talk to him and settle this matter before it's too late. You can go out with your friends meet some acquaintances but of course please set a limitation ok? Trust is one of the most important factor in a relationship.
1 person likes this
@Gmens91 (389)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Well, I cant say that I can totally agree with you because in the end, only you will ever know if you make the right decision whether to keep him or to dump him. But as a personal friend, I would advise to be patient for a bit;maybe you caught him in a bad time, or the timing was just not right. I know that you are a sensitive person, but please take note of his feelings too. Please refrain for at least the moment of leaving him .... Maybe it is just a phase. Good luck to you, my friend, and may the lord be with you always.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
14 Jun 07
he might be undergoing a certain problem at work or very important project that he dreamt of to accomplish, at least something important. my husband acts like that too in his case and usually if I know he is under pressure I would put him first. I know how hard it is to live without your hubby, I went through this before I got my papers approved for immigration. I waited 5 months without him and people were asking stupid question like 'did he leave you alone?' I used to say 'no, but I'd prefer you leave me alone' anyway he still communicates through email you said, so that isn't that bad is it?
1 person likes this
@nageswari75 (675)
•
14 Jun 07
Hey Yanni,I think this irritated-hubby bug is going around everywhere today!Two of my friends were complaining that their husbands are neglecting them, and I myself was feeling a bit like that today.too bad men can't see women's point of view sometimes.I do think that your hubby is having serious issues either with job or with other personal problems which is why he is taking out his anger and irritation on you.But that is just selfish to dump one's anger on the wife who has no hand at all in his irritation.I would say,yes,go out, and probably get yourself a job or some kind of a volunteer work atleast,so that it keeps you busy(if you are not working already).I do hope he stops behaving like you are his dump or something like that..otherwise he is going to lose a wonderful woman who has supported him more than anyone else.
1 person likes this
@lavenderbloom (1057)
• United Arab Emirates
15 Jun 07
Hi,
I think you should first try to find the real reason before jumping to any conclusion. Try to take help from your common friends whom you can really trust. Tell them the problem and ask for help. I am sure they will be ready to help you. It is worth giving it a try than just jumping into conclusion without knowing the real reason. Hope you find the solution and have a happy life. Take care
1 person likes this
