Married folks: Did you keep your name? Or for men, did your wife keep hers?

That's really neat and interesting, arvee! =) I think it's sad that you had to change your name when you didn't really want to, but I can appreciate your worry over your husband's feelings. I was lucky to have a husband who cared less about the matter than I did, and thus left it up to me.

Haha, those are things I hadn't considered, vijigopi! I suppose it would be simpler just to keep your name! Thanks for sharing the information about how names work there as well! I've often been curious about names because many of the people that come to college here are from other countries, and will sometimes have abbreviations for "last name unknown" and such things added to their names, which has always confused me.

I live in the United states, and most of the time people here take their husband's last name too. *nods* It's fine that you feel that way, and I'm happy that you are going to choose what is best for you! I simply see it in a different way that you, that's all. =)

That's a great idea, Abbyey! If the names in question were shorter, I would likely have chosen to do that as well, but I didn't want to have a really long name! =p

*nods* I've heard a few other people say this too. I had to think about the decision I made very hard, and I'm glad I chose to keep my name now, even though it will likely make things harder later on with my son having a different last name than mine.

Thanks for sharing your story teapotmommommerced! You share some really interesting insights on marriage here. I think it is very hard to juggle all those things. I'm still a new mother, and I've already had those times where I can't imagine how we are going to make it with all this stress! But so far my husband and I are doing well, to his credit more than mine I believe some days!

Thanks for your response! There are a lot of people who are confused over my family as well because I didn't change my name, but I consider that their problem, not mine. =P Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for sharing PurpleTeddyBear! Yes, all is well at the moment, thanks! I posted an update on Dusty's health, we're doing okay right now and he is acting normally, though we will have to be careful next time he gets sick! My husband wanted me to take his name at first, but when I explained how much it meant to me he was very kind about the whole thing. Thanks so much for sharing your story, Purple! =)

Your more then welcome for sharing, and I'm happy to hear that things have been better for your son. Poor thing, ... please give him a big hug for me!

Hi kamran! =) I was excited to see that you responded here, I always enjoy getting your views on things! Thanks for sharing the information about you and your wife's decision! Personally part of the reason I chose to keep my name is because I had known many women who "disappeared" into their marriage, becoming completely unrecognizable from the women they were before marriage. I have seen so many married women who suddenly give up all their goals, ideas, opinions, often even their religion for their partners! So keeping my name was a way of reminding myself that my identity still existed. Also, to me, part of the name-changing tradition is a symbolic movement from belonging to the family you were born into to belonging to your husband's family. And since my husband and I do not really deal with our families much, that part of it simply didn't exist for me. I didn't marry into a family, I married an individual whose value is far greater than his roots. Most people here don't care, but once in a while I meet someone who is severely offended by the fact that I didn't have my husband's name. I even have family members who worry that I am not really married, that it was some kind of trick my husband played on me! It's ridiculous, of course, and I made sure to send pictures of the two of us signing the document with our clergy so they would shut up about that part! I don't have anything against women changing their names if they choose to, or the husband changing his name to the wife's, or any form of hyphenation or creative mixing. I simply made the choice that was best for me, and hope others will make the choice that is best for them!

It's always interesting and a pleasure to respond to your posts, lecanis! especially as they come addressing some serious social issues. I liked your comment about women who "disappear" into their marriages. I liked my wife as she was before marriage and liked to keep her identity intact. I respect women's choice to take their husband's name but in the sense of a custom and a sort of obligatory practice, I see it as a form of slavery. I believe in distinct identities of partners and having similar name has no bearing on quality of relationship, in my view. The beauty of relationship is that you can be "one" despite being distinct, otherwise this form of "oneness" has no useful meanings. I am not sure if I am understandable!! Because of this very preference of mine for keeping people distinct in my family, I liked my son to have his own distinct name having nothing from his parents. The french law doesn't allow one to give a child different last name other than father's or mother's name. One has to register a child's name within 72 hours of birth. I argued with them for two days and they told me that if I didn't register within nominated time and want to give him a different name than he will not be registered and I'll have to go through a legal procedure for that including hearing and documentation blah! blah!. If I had finances for legal proceeding and my wife had not been in serious condition owing to a complexity, I would have definitely gone for the legal procedure just to get my son a distinct name. Even if I could manage finances, I didn't want my wife to be alone in that state, so I had to agree to the authorities. LOL, I really laughed when I read that some people told you that your husband is playing a trick on you and you had to show some proof. If only people leave worrying too much about others and mind their own business, this world would be a better place indeed.

I picked this one to reply to because it seemed more finished. =P I suppose if I felt that I wanted to be a member of my husband's family, I would have been more likely to consider taking his name. Since neither of us are really close to our families, that didn't come into consideration for us. I really like that last line, I agree completely! =)

You know, thinking about it in the light of a "gift", since my husband hates his name, I don't think it would make a very good gift!

Hehe, I think it's okay for people who want to. :P The hyphenation thing kind of makes sense to me, but when you give your kids the hyphenated name it seems a little complicated to me. I guess I just imagine that little kid in kindergarten learning to write his name and stuff. :P

i think the hyphen says i didnt really want to so we compromised. like just pick one or the other. there is no inbetween you cheaters.

There isn't a law that makes you change your name here either, it's just a tradition. I'm glad that it's not a law, because it would have really upset me to have to change my name. I don't like the "I'm Mrs. Blah" thing either. I know older people who say it, and I'm like... "Don't you even have your own identity anymore?"

It sounds like you have some really good reasons for keeping yours! I think it's great that your bf is on board with the idea! =) You make a good point about it being harder for a man to change his name than a woman. Funny how that works.

Hehe, absentmindedness and convenience can be good reasons I guess. =p I think it's cool that no one really cares about it! Obviously there are more important things in the world to think about, so it's great when people don't start trouble over sometihng that's not a big deal really. A lot of people assume my surname belongs to my husband too. There are other people that live in our area with the same surname, and I am always being asked if my husband is related to them when people learn my surname. I don't really mind or anything. =)

I think it's great that people are having a lot more options on this issue now! =) Thanks for sharing with me!

You're always welcome in my discussions, laridbz! =) I don't think there's anything wrong with being old-fashioned on this subject. I think it's a really personal choice that people should make in a way that works best for them. =) I think it's a neat and creative idea what your friends did, but obviously not for everyone!

I think it's great that you choose to use his name if that's how it makes you feel! =) My husband and I talked about that aspect of it as well, but we decided that really there were other parts of our relationship that already filled that need for us, and since the name thing was more important to me than him, we made the decision we did.

haha! I suppose for me it was simpler because the only other person in my family I really knew who had my name was my father, and while he and I have had many problems, I understand his reasonings more than any other member of my family for not being there when I needed them. Thanks for sharing your views! =)