do you and your spouse argue a lot ?
By allenmamma
@allenmamma (163)
United States
June 14, 2007 6:21pm CST
Have you noticed that you and your spouse tend to argue more than normal? Are your arguments tedious ? Let me tell you ladies that if you argue a lot with your spouse than you need to stop. I know your now saying what why us. I'm a tell you because if you know that your right trying to get your point across to someone that thinks their right all the time is useless.
Instead of arguing and repeating what you say all the time try this say what you have to say and than be quiet. For those women that are religious I also go grab my bible and than I pray for him. Why because when you pray for spouse it tends to make a difference in them without them even knowing it.
Me and my husband have been married for 5 1/2 years and we use to argue a lot. I started getting frustrated and I was ready to leave him but being the real Christian woman that I am I prayed to God because my husband doesn't go to church so I prayed for God to shine some light in his heart and to lead my husband to him. I can tell you that my husband has attended church on several occasions and that we don't argue as much as we use too. I'm still praying for him because I know that he has a good heart and I love him.
Just remember if you love someone than show them rather than argue with them all the time because arguing leads to resentment and hate.
9 responses
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
15 Jun 07
My guess is the reason your not having arguments is because you are allowing him to win everytime by not standing up for yourself. I am a chistrian and I attend church but I would never allow any man to be the boss of everything.If I have a point and I am correct than I am going to say something and continue to say something untill we get it resolved.Why should my husband go to bed every night thinking he is the king because I dont open my mouth and tell him what I think.
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
15 Jun 07
Maybe you need to reread the post I never said that I let him win. Being quiet and leaving him to argue by himself is winning in my book. I already had said what I wanted to say so why keep reading it.
So my question to you is are you married and are you really a Christian woman because there is a scripture in the bible and I'm going to find it then I will give it to you
@bruxedo (773)
• France
15 Jun 07
I agree with you mrsbrian and I would like to add something. Me and my husband argue a lot. We cry out with each other but at the end we get in each other arms because we are sure of each other's love. I don't think that argue is bad. I think it's very important for a good relationship and it's a way to get out of our stress as long as you're sure of the other's love. I don't believe in calm relationships.. that means that you don't trust the others love and don't accept that each one's deffects. And not pretending to be right about this matter I only can tell you that this is my third marriage..
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
18 Jun 07
why should your husband not think that he is the king when thats what he is suppose to be in the beginning. and why would you continue to argue which is probably not going anywhere because nobody wants to be quiet and then eventually you say something that you might regret. now i have been married for 5 1/2 years and this is my first marriage and for the individual that said that she has been married 3 times then you go ahead sometimes it takes three times to get it right..
my husband does not win all the arguments like i stated before when its going no where i shut my mouth i have children and they don't need to hear all that so i was simply saying that arguing all the time is not good for anyone..of course you are going to argue but it shouldn't be every day.
life is short and its a lot easier to live in love then be upset all the time
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I have found that if both of us are tired and irritable, we tend to argue a bit more. I do get frustrated and we have both realized that we have a tendency to talk more than listen. I do love him as he loves me and I know he has a good heart and has the right intentions. We don't argue every day, but we do have an argument at least twice a month. I don't know if that is overly much, but it beats my last marriage that was almost daily arguing over something or other. So, I think that is pretty good!
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
19 Jun 07
Yeah, it is much better than my last marriage, that was just a fiasco! I was packing my bags at least once a month that it would get so bad that I would want to leave, before I did or said something I would really regret. Now I go to the bathroom, take a breather, ask myself, will this argument matter in the next week? I mean really, is it going to affect me in a month or a year? Is it that important? It stops me from going further on issues that aren't so important.
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
18 Jun 07
Girl thats what I'm stating this is your second marriage and the first one you was arguing all the time but now with your second marriage maybe twice a month thats good. Its nice to have a partner that will LISTEN to you and your right it beats arguing every day over something stupid that will have no meaning in the future
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
15 Jun 07
You are right...of course. I am a believer too..however my boyfriend isn't. I think he is an atheist. Anyway..we argue all the time. He likes to tell me what to do...and I hate that! It is very hard not to argue with him...although I understand what you are saying. Maybe I should pray for him more and see what happens?
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
19 Jun 07
thank you and yes you should pray for him and it might not happen overnight but keep praying for him and you will see the difference. Also pray for yourself ask God to shed some light on your faults as well. What I do too is when the moment is right I will throw a scripture in the conversation depending on what were discussing. Maybe you should have a talk with your husband is to find out what his beliefs are.
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I must be the luckest women in the world. My husband and I don't argue. And really haven't in the 3 years we have been married. I mean we have have had a couple disagreements but never really yelled at eachother in an argument. When either one of us is mad we can't stay that way for long. Last week I told my husband not to look at me because "I was trying to be mad at him" I just can't be hes too sweet.
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
19 Jun 07
thats good that you and your husband share that kind of humor in marriage and thats good that you have a sweetie
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
15 Jun 07
We argue quite a bit on certain subjects, but we just raise our voices a bit and he used to be very angry, but not anymore. I will tell you why later. My husband has yet attended my church and even when we are at a different church for a ceremony like a wedding or baptism, he is very nervous. He got the wrong idea about church, thinking that every religion leads to heaven. I do pray for him, I have often said when I go to church,"Coming?" so that he will not feel pressured. Sometmes I do not do the things I should. I am not that neat of a housekeeper. We were getting our attic insulated and he got very angry that something was not where it should be. Well, I got shingles. It affected me so badly, that I could hardly sleep.
Shingles is also caused by nerves. My husband now when he wants things done, talks to me quietly and does not shout. He realizes that if I get too upset, I get physically ill. Although we do get angry when I tell him this is what is going to happen, and he says the opposite when we are watching TV. Sometimes I am right, sometimes he is, but usually we both are right up to a point.
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
18 Jun 07
It is hard to get your husband to attend church especially when they haven't been attending before they met you. I have to admit I am no where near perfect but I try to do better and I ask God to help me where I fall short. Like I stated I pray for my husband all the time and yesterday we went to my mothers church for Father's Day and my husband stated that he likes the Pastor at my mother''s church. I told him that if he wanted to start attending my mother's church I will switch churches.
@amyann16 (414)
• United States
15 Jun 07
My husband and I have been married for 9 years now and we have had our share of heated arguements. But what we find now is that we really tend to fight over stupid silly things and about 5 minutes into the arguement, one of us usually just starts laughing. Mostly because fights tend to bring out really stupid comments from at least one of us, and we both seem to recognize it. It is really hard to fight when the other person is making you laugh. Maybe it is because we just have evolved to the point where we see that the fighting is not getting us anywhere and each of us has kind of already figured out which battles to fight and which ones just aren't worth the effort.
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
18 Jun 07
thank you for sharing that with us and you have been blessed to have been married for so long and I hope that my husband and I will get there and then some. Having a sense of humor is great too. God bless you
@happymom1 (1179)
• United States
15 Jun 07
We did not really argue each other if something its not right we talk and discuss things. Usually my husband is the one that is very talkative and i just quite and listen what he said. If i dont like what he said to me i will tell him and discuss another option. We dont like troubles thats why if something wrong we really stop what we are doing and talk.
@allenmamma (163)
• United States
18 Jun 07
That's all I was really saying someone has to be quiet and listen and then when the other individual calms down then maybe you can discuss it in a calm manner like adults and not children
@amaleigh73 (499)
• United States
15 Jun 07
Great job on praying for your husband! Only God can change a heart. My husband and I will be married for 10 years this September and our arguments have significantly decreased over the last 2 - 3 years. We are both Christians and I think that has definitely helped us through the early years of our marriage. I feel like we finally got to the place where we learned to understand and respect each other and that helps in resolving arguments. Keep praying!!
@DIDDYDEE (73)
•
15 Jun 07
my husband and i have been married for 22 years this year and we have never had a massive argument. i bicker at him at the right time of the month when my hormones are all over the place, but other than that not a cross word.
and all that without religious intervention.
