Depression hurts

Tweet

I am hoping for a little advice here, and hoping that maybe just being able to get my problems out in the open might make me feel better. Please forgive me if this is a little long. I have not been myself since my nine month old baby was born. For a while I just dimissed it as a result of changing hormones. After that was no longer a reasonable option, I blamed it on my period, as my problems did always get worse around that time. Maybe it was just pms or even pmdd. Now, I'm starting to think it's a lot worse than that. I get angry for the stupidest little reason, or sometimes no reason at all. I am sad most of the time, and I cannot figure out why. I cry often. Sometimes I feel hopeless. Many days I feel worthless. Like I'm not good enough... For my kids, for my husband, for anyone. Lots of times all this will go away. For a few hours and sometimes for even a few days everything will be fine. But then it'll all come back, usually suddenly. I need to figure out what's wrong with me. I need to make it better. This is starting to have an effect on my relationship with my husband. He's always asking what's wrong, and I don't have an answer for him. When I tell him nothing, he doesn't believe me. He's started to ask what he's doing wrong. And this hurts more than anything. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do know that it's nothing that he's done. I am so afraid that we'll fall apart, that he'll leave me. I can't go to a doctor. We have no insurance. I don't qualify for medicaid. My husbands income keeps us out of the free clinic. I still owe the clinic for my son's birth, and they will not see me as I cannot make regular payments. Thank you all for letting me vent.