my nine year old has attitude problems

You need to sit her down when you are not angry. You need to talk to her from a postition of authority. You are the Mom. You are the adult and its not to late to change the way things are going now. Speak calmly, dont let her anger you. Tell her there will be changes and if the changes are not made there will be consequences...You should make notes of everything you want to cover with her . Stress what you will allow and what is not allowed anymore. You need to take charge and believe me she is going to test your resolve. Hang onto your temper and your tongue ...DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER ...calmly tell her no, that is unaceptable. Do not battle, no means no...if she defies you take something away that she really likes ...do not weaken and give it back...Pick your battles. Wait till she has done her homework then check it ...if it is wrong ...tell her ,your answer is wrong dear ...then ask if she would like your help...if she refuses let her hand it in wrong ...when the teacher reaffirms that you were right she may not be so balky the next time...change wont happen over night ...it took nine years for you two to reach this impasse...now you have to take charge ...dont let her go to bed without you popping into her room ...tell her you know the changes are difficult ...tell her you know you made mistakes ...tell her you are trying to be a good mother and she has to bear with you ...and lastly tell her you love her no matter what...even if she resists ...kids can be hurtful ...know she doesnt mean cruel things she may say ...stand firm be her mom she has others to be her friend...you were so young when you had her...and still are to be shouldering this alone...do you know any women older than you that have raised kids perhaps from your church or a neighbor...that you can talk to and get help from ...one thing im sure of you are not alone ...there are many single moms out there trying so hard to raise a child alone ...ask for help ...if there is a local YWCA check it out for mother daughter projects and groups...I wish You luck ...know if you take charge ...it may be hard and she may seem like she hates you ...but in the end she will love you to pieces, so keep your eye on the prize ...you and your daughter are worth it... good luck ToriaT

I don't want to leave a huge long note, but I wanted to suggest a couple books that might help you and anyone else with problems from their kids. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-child Relationships from Reaction And Struggle to Freedom, Power And Joy by Naomi Aldort Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear by Pam Leo Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation by Becky A. Bailey Also here's a great website by a very intelligent doctor that has a lot of great tips for talking to kids in a way that ends a lot of the conflicts. You should check it out. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061000.asp

Tell all think her with love,she will obay withyou.What she want to want pl give her .Then she will think you are loving her.Ask her why she is doing it.

Hi. you go to doctor and take desigin. thanks.

Because apparently, there is less age difference between your daughter and you, however you are her mother and has to maintain that aspect much strong, i do not say you may be rude to her but you have not to make quarrels with her and you have to show that you are more mature than her and have to distant a little yourself from her and ignore her comments if there are any. With time passing by, she will become more aged and this period that is up to nineteen years of her age, afterwards you will see a dramatic change.

I say you probably ought to consider some tough love now before things get worse. She needs to know that you are the mother and she is the child and if she constantly disrespects you I would send her to her room and tell her that you aren't going to talk to her as long as she talks to you like that. If she doesn't want to listen to you about how to do her work, then tell her to do it herself. Check over it when she's done and if it's wrong, try and explain it to her, but if she doesn't want any part of that, then let her take it to school and have her teacher correct it. It be better for her to learn to listen to your help now, because school only gets harder as you get older and the points will matter more down the road. I know you love your child, but sometimes tough love is something that has to happen.

behavior changes with age. stand you ground and it will proble work out. she will have many additude changes before her hits 20 yrs. old. you know my way of dealing with it (and not i dont mean beating) so i will not suggest any type punishment go with what suites your family best. if that dont work send her to me she'll be a different child when you get her back. take care. good luck

I think this is another example of how hormones in our food are affecting our children. Attitude problems are common in puberty, and they are linked to hormonal imbalance very often. It's also common because children are being influenced by other children who are also affected by hormone imbalance. It's not bad to be friends with your kids. I am really good friends with my boys. They do need to know when you are putting your foot down they need to listen. You are the law. Don't yell. Don't make it known to them in a tense moment. Sit down and talk about your authority and your expectations in a calm moment which is unaffected by other events or behavior.

Lay down the rules- Tell her that you are the mom and this is how it will be- Sure it will be hard at first- but just explain to her that you do not reward bad behavior- She needs to be respectful to you at all times- Sure she can disagree with you- but in a respectful way- I have the same things going on with my 10 yr old daughter- I swear the girls are maturing so much quicker these days- I reward good behavior- my daughter has gotten alot better- she knows that when she is good we do fun things- When she is bad she goes to her room.

It is really hard when our children talk to us like this today and you are not the only person going through this . My children started talking to me like this when I they were around that age as well and I have still been unable to break the habit . It breaks my heart and they don't seem to even notice how unsensitive they can be at times when speaking to someone else . I look at them and wonder where I went wrong and what I could have done to make things different . I was like you and was determined not to be like my mother and although I don't agree with the way my mohter raised me , I feel in some ways she did a better job as I don't look at things the way my children do and don't feel the need to disrespect others older then myself and can think about someone other then myself . I pray this is age and will get better as they get older but it is really heartbreaking to look at your baby and then treat you the way they do . I wish I had something to offer you to make things better but I have not been able to find the answer myself . I love my children but they can be so thoughtless at times that it breaks my heart .

Ok Think of it this way!... It takes 2 to fight! Try to put yourself in her shoes, so you can see things, as she sees them. Shes a person too. Do you do things together, like going shopping, or to a movie? Try to be a friend instead of a demanding Mother. Try psychology. Instead of Telling her what to do.... Make a deal with her. Let her get something out of it too. LIke ok! If you do this for me, I'll do that for you. Perhaps you 2 can become friends. Give it a try, you really have nothing to lose!

Ok Think of it this way!... It takes 2 to fight! Try to put yourself in her shoes, so you can see things, as she sees them. Shes a person too. Do you do things together, like going shopping, or to a movie? Try to be a friend instead of a demanding Mother. Try psychology. Instead of Telling her what to do.... Make a deal with her. Let her get something out of it too. LIke ok! If you do this for me, I'll do that for you. Perhaps you 2 can become friends. Give it a try, you really have nothing to lose!

I know what you mean. I also have a nine year old daughter. When ever she gets too much out of hand, I tell her (not yelling) that I am not one of her friends and she has a choice of either shaping up and treating me with respect or she can be grounded. That usually helps. As far as homework, I let her crash and burn before. She didn't want to do her homework, so I sent her to school without it and without any note so she had to face the teacher and deal with the consequences of her actions. That was an important lesson to her. Since then she is still not happy about homework, but she does it. Kids need to learn that there is consequences to actions. Hope my advice will help you in a little way.