Friends--How Well Do We Really Know Anyone?

Hi curvychick77, Thank your for your prompt reply. Sounds like we are on the same page here. Friendships require us to show up in all ways and take responsibility for what we say and do. I like the way you think!

Curvy, You've said it perfectly. I agree and can't add anything to what you've said, you've said it all.

Hi Again Dragonstar, They say when two or more people join together and share similiar ideas the energy is square rooted. With three, and more agreeing that...in openness there is trust and in trust there is love...we are, hopefully creating a positive ripple effect and sending it out there. Thanks creating some great 'vibes!'

Avonrep1 Your response is underscrores the reason I am glad you accepted my request to add you to my friends list. I have been reading the discussions you start and respond to and respect your view on things. Your long story short scenario is so true. Your views resonate with mine about not holding on to grudges or seeking revenge. I handle my hurts and disappointments by staying present with how I am feeling in the moment, venting things out in a way that causes no harm to self or others...and then putting it under 'valuable life lesson catagory' then releasing the energetic attachment to it. I live with the idea that people come into our lives for a 'reason...season...or a lifetime.' The friends that have shown their true value system have taught me some great lessons in discernment...and I needed to work on that area. So I do forgive it...why hold on garbage..better to dump it or recycle. However...your comments about child rapists and violation do resonate....that would certainly create changes of one kind or another.

Hello Kalav.. Your interest in all my discussions is greatly appreciated. I value the fact that you care enough to go through the various pages and pull some up that did not have much life when I initially posted them. It would appear that the nature of these discussions needed a sharing circle of like minded thinkers like we have now. Anyway, the topic of friendship has many layers to it...and like you one of the key ingredients has to be openness, accountability and trust for those I consider part of our inner circle. Your parting comment and question about your sense that I invested more in some relationships than they were willing to reciprocate is absolutely true! During the last couple of years I realized that I had some spiritual lessons to learn about discernment and creating safe emotional boundaries rather than being open and trusting. I have come to accept that there are many we are not willing to 'handle their own stuff' and prefer to live in denial. Pushing beyond their comfort zones and asking for accountable, authentic communication only leads to further conflict. So my approach now is to view my relationships with the metaphor of dropping a pebble in the pond. The ones who are willing to relate in openness, trust and love are those that I will be more candid with...and admittedly they are few and far between. Interpersonal relationships are graduated into varying 'ripples' and the ones with the least amount of authentic exchanges are those on the outer edges of the ripple. This system allows me to remain in my observer mode until I feel they warrant my trust. Some of the markers for me are how congruent they are in walking their talk, the reliability factor, follow-up and follow through...doing what they say and doing what they say...handling conflicts in an honest, non-accusatory, self-responsible way. When I see that consistently over time I know there will be a chance for us to take the relationship to a deeper level. After that I try to live with the basic teaching Mom raised me with...to have a friend you need to be one. Having opportunities to chat with you this way is immensely rewarding...and I value the connection we have formed in such a short time. You have truly become a great on-line gal pal! Warmest regards, Raia

Hi again... Thanks for keeping this topic alive...and adding some great insights to the discussions. I agree with you that resolving differences can be done with both sides approach it in a non-accusatory way and a willingness to respect differences. The challenge I have found in a lot of relationships is that it is often hard for people to establish safe emotional boundaries to be able to hold their ground while being able to hear the other person's position. Challenges arise when either party makes the discussion 'about them' rather than holding to the issue. Once things are viewed through a filter of personal attacks...it can make reconciliation challenging. I have learned to 'get over myself' and rally try to listen to other people's perception and allow them that. I do not have to necessarily agree to their position...but trying to understand it can create harmony where there was only conflict before. Good input...thanks.. Raia