Non-spanking parents: What works for you?

I am not a parent however I will not spank my kids when i get them and my parents never did it to me either. Here in sweden it is actually illegal and considered to be childabuse since 1979. I do think spanking is wrong, but that can be because it is illegal =) I will ground my kids and stuff like that. It worked good for me as a kid!

Hi there, It looks like you've already been given some great tips. I'll just add what I did that helped me stay patient during that time. I had read the book, "Easy to Love; Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey, and I found some of her ideas really helped me stay calm. One of them was to think of every instance of misbehavior as an opportunity to teach. It helped me get into an "I am skilled at handling this" mindset, rather than "argggh! this is wrecking my day" one. It's frustrating to have reached certain milestones (e.g. being able to get out of the house easily with a cooperative child), but I found I just had to let that go for a while, and accept that I needed to get up earlier to leave time to deal with possible opposition if I wanted to get anywhere on time. I also started carrying a small book around with me, so that I could relax and read, if we ever got into standoffs over issues like my children refusing to be buckled into their car seats, or have their shoes put on. The fact that I was calm, and no longer appeared to have a sense of urgency, usually led to my kids giving in quickly. The book also came in handy for those long walks around the block where my kids wanted to examine every leaf or pebble lying on the side of the road. Good luck in getting through the next few weeks. I found that once I got a handle on my own temper and expectations, the phase wasn't too tough to get through.

We actually do spank our daughter on occassion (usually just one smack on her backside to get her attention) but we found making her go to bed works best. She'll usually scream for a few minutes, calm herself down and come out and apologize.

Just tonight one of my new relatives on my fiance's side was talking about her children and what she feels like doing when they misbehave, but what actually works. Instead of spanking them she finds that it works to make them sit in the corner and face the wall for a certain amount of time.

Years ago when I had my first child I had agreed that I was going to come up with another way of discipling my child and it worked well for me . I count to three ( feeling that even at a young age you are given your child a decsion to make , in life we are always given decisions and it is how we answer these decisions that will determine the course of what will happen to us as there are always consequences for our actions ) . My child knows what is going to know what is going to happen on the count of three weather it will be to sit in a chair for the length of time of their age ( if your child is three then they have to sit quietly on a chair for three full minutes , if they are crying or screaming the time only starts when they sit quietly to give them time to think about why they are there ) or they will lose something like no t.v or no phone for the older children . It can be hard to get your child in the routine to realize that there will be consequences to their actions but just like anything else they learn quick enough if you stay fast to what you are doing and don't give up when the day is not going good for you or you are spending more of your time discipling then you are doing your housework . I have found this a good way to get my children to listen to me and it has worked very well with all the children I have ever babysat . For the older children we have tried a gimmick where we ask them what they think their punishment should be for the behavior they did . It is amazing how more often then not they will pick something that you wouldn't have even picked yourself as they are often harder on themselves then you would have been . Like grounding themself from something for a couple of weeks when you may have said a couple of days . We have found this effective with our children to and it makes them owe up to what they did . In life we are given the opportunity to do right or wrong everyday and although no child is perfect , you will not find any adults that are perfect either but you will always find that there will be consequences for the actions we choose in life and by allowing our children to realize this for themselves it gives them the benefit to choose what course of action their life will take . Hope this will give you some idea's , as parents we always have a way that works for us and a way that doesn't , this is what works best for us . Take Care !!

Although I did occasionally spank with my eldest, I found it just didn't work for him. My other children have never been spanked & I gave up the practice with my eldest pretty quickly. Re-directing seems to help avoid problems before they start. Being aware of how tired or hungry my child may be & knowing they'll get cranky if I don't address that, I make sure those situations are avoided. I wrap up play dates or errand running before I have an exhausted, hungry kid ready to lose their mind. And when problems do arise, I try to tailor the discipline to the situation & what lesson I hope the kid gets out of it. If one is throwing a fit about sharing a toy, I may put that toy in time out and not allow the child to have it for a couple days. If they're being aggressive, they go into time out until they calm down & are ready to play correctly. And once they have some language skills, I make it a point to discuss why they were punished & how I'd want them to handle the problem in the future. Oh and on the same idea, I also prep them before we go places so they know what to expect & hopefully that helps them act appropriately too.