I'm So Mad at my Boyfriend!
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
June 19, 2007 9:14pm CST
I quit my job today. I have nothing else lined up, but I'm sure in the 2 weeks notice I provided them, I'll get some ideas. Before I gave my supervisor my notice, I asked my boyfriend if he would back me up on the decision.
His response -- "I think that's a silly idea!".
He knows how much my job is killing me, how robotic and burned out I feel after a day of work there, and how much I complain about it, so here I am making steps to change it, and he's not even willing to back me up?
Let me add, that besides my happiness reflecting on his, he has NOTHING to lose by this. We do not live together, share expenses or combine our money in any way. It's not as if by me being unemployed, he'll have to step up and pay my share, nor would I ask unless it were my last thing I could think of (I have a lot of plans to ensure he will likely never be asked to pay my way).
When I confronted him with that, and reminded him again of how unhappy I am in my current job, his response was, "You're always miserable, no matter where you are. You have been since we got back together. It reflects on me, too."
We got back together a year ago and in that time, this is my second job. The first, I didn't get paid enough for what I did, and they weren't prepared to increase it to as much as I needed, so I quit. This one is damaging to my health (I'm developing stress related disorders), to my emotional wellbeing and to my mental well-being.
He's been settled in a career for over 10 years now, had his education paid for by his parents while living at home, so has no idea what it's like supporting yourself on a stream of dead-end jobs. He says he'd help me if I went to school, but the only way I could see him helping is by giving me a place to live, and since he lives in a 2 bedroom no-dogs-allowed condo complex with his brother, I can't see that happening.
I quit today because I knew it was what is best for me, and it devastated me to hear that he thought I was always miserable amd never happy. He also knows that I suffer from bipolar disorder and that I get depressed and discouraged very easily.
It just made me wonder.. what's the point in continuing on our relationship if he views me as such an unhappy ("miserable") person?
6 people like this
19 responses
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
20 Jun 07
If you have to ask why then you already know the answer. There is no reason why you should continue your relationship.
2 people like this
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
Oh dear, I feel for yah hunny. My boyfriends the same way. I have depression and it runs in the family and he constantly nags me saying that im always sad and negative and that when im sad i make him sad. Which sucks cause it makes me feel like everything is always my fault. But anyways, if you love him and want the relatinship to continue, id suggest you have a talk with him, maybe even explain your disorder, so he knows its a chemical imbalance and not that your always just plain ol miserable. My boyfriends a positive person so he thinks i can just change it..so maybe if you explained your disorder hed understand. I hope everything works out for you love! I wish you all the best!
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
That's strange. They sound as if they ought to be brothers. :) He's very positive, too. The mood of those surrounding him affects him quite easily, and that does concern me. If he likes being positive, and he's with me who can't help being negative at times, I don't want to feel like a burden.
We talked last night for quite a long time, me explaining things and finding him some resources to look into. I'm going to talk to my doctor about getting a referral to a mental health professional (whatever he thinks is best) and hopefully they might be able to have a session with both of us, so he can understand a little more that a lot of the way I act sometimes can't be helped. That sometimes I feel like I'm looking at myself and I'm ashamed and embarrassed for the way I'm acting but feel powerless to stop it.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
Im proud! it takes alot of guts to seek help. Actually, just last week I got a referal toa mental health doctor. I just dont want to be sad for no reason anymore. But i see how things are with you and your boyfriend. Just the other day me and my boyfriend had a huge blowup about me being negative. He just assumes that, Im only negative becuase I believe im a negative person and the way to change myself is to think..."oh im gonna be a positive person" then bam, life changes and im always positive. Nuh uh, doesnt work that way. They just have to understand that we dont want to be sad but it happens. I dont even really notice half the time that i am being negative. Well im glad to hear you had a talk with him, it helps alot, they dont have to change their views, just atleast try to understand! I wish you the best of luck, everything will turn around!
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
I understand how you feel. I think that men sometimes don't think before they talk. I think that you did the right thing. It sounds like you have enough problems without adding more. If he can't support you then that is his problem. I would have a serious talk with him and explain why you did what you did and tell him that you would appreciate his support instead of his put-downs...
1 person likes this
@smiley20903 (495)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Hi Breepeace. If u were not happy with your job I am glad u quit. Now as for the boyfriend he clearing doesn't care and u should dump him...He should be more supportive and being more postive toward whatever u plan to do with your career....
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
21 Jun 07
You have asked yourself a very good question. As I see your situation, I think he could have been much more supportive. Do you think he will support you in finding a new job, or will he just ho-hum it and say that you will probably quit the next job too? If it was me, I would be encouraging you to find something you really liked doing and move along those lines.
And like you say, your incomes are not tied together, so in my view, he should be right there to encourage you. I agree with your last statement about wondering if the relationship should continue if that is his attitude. I would say no. You have to think of your health situation first, but I feel you could eventually find a great job or create one for yourself. And at this rate, you don't need to drag your deadhead boyfriend along. If he had half an interest in your life going forward, he would be there completely for you.
1 person likes this
@sweetmimzim3 (261)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Honestly I think you should have toughed out the 2 weeks...found a different job first....your boyfriend may see your actions as irresponsible and something to be leary about for future reference...he also may care enough about you to be honest about you quiting BEFORE having some other job lined up...it leaves someone who cares about you in a very vulnerable position!!
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
I'm there for another 2 weeks, which gives me 2 weeks to find jobs that are interested in having me. It's not really a cause for concern, since my area is experiencing a huge boom and Help Wanted signs are literally everywhere.
He doesn't understand because in his career, other companies will just head-hunt you, and if you're looking to make a change it's as easy as telling them you're interested or not.
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
20 Jun 07
Love is all about support and helping eachother. he seems to not be there for you and I would question the relationship in general.
I am sure that u know what u are doing. NOONE should stay in a job where they are not happy just for the sake of it, that will just make it all worse.
I think your bf is very selfish to notsupport you in this matter - he of all people should want to see you happy...
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
That sounds bad. Employment does work for some people but not for some. In your case it'll be a lot harder to bear because you have a disorder. I heard someone mentioned this at my previous work place and she also suffers something else I forgot now what that is, but she can't stay in one place for a long time as the result.
If I were you I would ask him why he said that, and then make a decision from there. It's not really a nice thing to say, especially from someone who never have to go through what you went through. My husband has to work since he was younger than high school, but he never said anything about me quitting my job and start my business. He knows I will make it work, I will not leave him alone to bear financial burdens alone. Your bf doesn't have anything to do with your financial condition so what was he saying that for?
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
There are people in fact a lot of people who know nothing and understand very little about mental illness. As far as your boyfriends remarks regarding your job, it may be an idea to look at the big picture. Regardless of how he aquirred his start he has maintained a full time job for ten years and it is possible that he was just concerned beause he cares. My guess is if he was ever worried about having to bail you out chances are hon he would have looked for someone else. Keep yourself well, you're number one and if you need to talk to someone never be afraid to ask. Take Care. (((HUGS)))
@canjo13317 (396)
• United States
20 Jun 07
if your job is stressing you out and making you miserable, you absolutely did the right thing separating yourself from that. as for your bf, you have to answer that yourself. compare your relationship to your job(s). school is always a good idea and more possible than you may think. check with your local unemployment office and VESID programs. they are an organization for people with disabilities. i'm not sure if your area has that particular organization, but i'm sure there is some type of assistance for you to advance your education. good luck to whatever you decide. remember, be good to you, that's really all you've got.
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1074)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
I'm not really sure but, if he doesn't support you in a way that you need, I don't think it's still worth spending your time with him. There are other guys out there who would treat you better and who would understand you and care for you. If he can't back you up in as so much as making a decision, then what would happen to you if really big events come your way and you need to make important decisions?
1 person likes this
@djbizmonkey34 (633)
• United States
20 Jun 07
If he can't support you in your ways now, there is no possible way he can support your discessions if you two get married.
1 person likes this
@butterfly39 (3904)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
I get your idea, and I am on your side. Who cares anyaway if you give up that job. If you feel unhappy then go and look for another one.
Your boyfriend didn't understand you coz he's not in your shoe.
I don't think he could be a good partner in the future.
1 person likes this
@FSCAries (881)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Maybe you should ask him that. If he really feels that way, then why is he in the relationship, THAT DOES REFLECT on him. Everyone has problems though and at least you are honest about yours, but with him knowing all of this, he ought to support you better or something.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
20 Jun 07
wow..he doesn't sound very supportive.
if that job made you miserable,he should back your decision to leave for your own happiness.
you can always get another job somewhere else,it may end up being something you like better.
were i you,i'd think about quitting a second thing too.
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
I guess you're right...your bf sounds exasperated because maybe he could not see or understand your point of view. It really hurts to be accused of being always unhappy and miserable...coming from your bf? It's really time to take a good look at your priorities now...it seems that your bf is up to something? He can't help you, or does not want to..does not back you up, nor support you even emotionally or morally. What is he up to? You could at least talk and lay down your cards...tell him honestly how you feel. All the more that he knows about your condition that your bf should be supporting you. Is he or is he not? That's the question now...and whatever answers he has, you have to be strong. The sooner you know, the better it is for you....
@manjingyun (25)
• China
20 Jun 07
Before keep your temper silent several ten,or to leave about five minutes over,perhaps it will help you.
