new and need someone to talk to

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I have been in my step daughters life for 3 years now. She is 6 and i have a 4 year old son of my own. My son's dad is not involved at all, but I have to deal with my husbands ex girlfriend. I like my step daughter, but I get upset when she gets away with more than my son because she doesn't throw fits like he does. I don't like her mom. She can be a drama queen. I never got child support and she thinks she doesn't get enough and she is also married now. I need someone to talk to because everyone I talk to just tells me to get over it and it's not that easy. When my step daughter needs disciplined and I'm around family I get the "she's only 6, leave her alone." but she gets disciplined less than my son. I can't get her mind off her mom when she's over. She's like obsessed. I do a lot as a step mom and I want to get some credit and learn from someone who knows how to not let her mom's attitude sometimes bother me. Her step dad gets credit as being a step dad, but she tells me I'm not her step mom because she has a mom. I get jealous of that and I get pissed when I we buy her things and she won't play with them at all because it's not as pretty as mom's. It's hard on my husband and I to realize we're not her main parents so a lot of things are out of our control. She talks like a baby and is over 20 lbs. overweight. We've nicely made comments to her mom, but she gets mad. Obviously my steo daughter eats junk because her eyes lite up when she hears a chip bag or knows we're going to a party because there will be cake. I've never seen a kid more into cake than the party. I need someone to vent to because I feel like no matter what my husband and i teach her, she comes over the next weekend with the same habbits we just got her out of. Help!!!