security or happiness

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Personally, i thought as long as im happy everything will be ok. But then i realized that i was not really happy as i was coz i felt some sort of fears and doubts caused by unsecured relationships. its like im just floating in the wind with no definite destination... and i hate it, i cant stand it eventho how much im convincing myself to just go with the flow. then i realized that how can i be truely happy if im not sure that the realtionship i have is real and lasting, that what i have is going somewhere, a place and state of mind that im longing to achieved. when i commit myself to someone, i have a goal in mind.. i always hope the best (tho i prepare myself too for the worse) not just for today but for the coming days or our lives. that is why i need and i want someone strong enough to hold on to. i need to be emotionally secured, that in my heart and in my mind i know that im with someone who is willing to take isk with me, make plans and dreams then just hope and do our best to make them happen in the end. this is the kind of security that i need and i know can make me really happy and strong to face whatever trials that may come. i cant take it day by day with no definite plans for the future and just be "happy" while at the back of my mind i know any moment everything will fall into pieces bcoz i have no solid ground to stand on... so i just told myself that i rather be alone than be with someone whom i cant really depend on in the future and make my dream come true.