Me at the funeral home

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The day after my son died, we all met at the funeral home. It was a hard enough day as it is but then we had all of this drama that occured. I helped to raise my step son and there was no step in our family. He is my son no matter what anyone has to say. We were at the funeral home making the funeral arrangments with my parent in laws, Gaje's real mother and her mother, and our oldest son. We did not have a say in anything that was done for the funeral and we are the ones who was left liable for paying it. When it came time for the obituary, we did not have a say so in it either. We are the ones who had custody of Gaje and yet we could not voice our opinion in anything. The obituary was going to read Brent and Rosa florence and then the real mother. She did not want it this way and through a fit until she was put at the top of the list. Then she got mad and made them change it from Brent and Rosa Florence to Brent Florence and wife;Rosa. It was rediculous. She didn't even want my two daughters, who are 4 & 6, to even be in the obituary. She through a fit about it and Brent told her that she has had everything her way so she could just let us put them in there. My kids were raised with him and they never used the word step when it came to saying brother or sister. The Obituary cost $261, it is $5 a line. None of my family got to be in there and i pratically raised him around my family. They didn't get to be in there because his real mother didn't want them in there. I thought that this was wrong becsause she hasn't been around them much. The last time that she seen the boys before Gaje's death, was the night before Christmas which was five months before his death. Should I have handled this better? Was I being imature for wanting things differently?