At the funeral for my six year old son: more drama
By rosaflorence
@rosaflorence (1924)
United States
June 21, 2007 11:23am CST
My husband and I have full custody of Gaje and his real mother is not allowed to see him unless she is being supervised. She has had a serious drinking and drug problem and my husband has even went out of his way to pay for her to go to rehabilitation twice.
At the funeral, I thought that all of this drama was behind us. I walked out of the bathroom with my cousin and my husband stops me and says, your not going to believe this.
That was enough to get me fired up. The real mother had told the funeral director that she had to be the first one to walk out because she was the real mother and she was not going to walk behind that b*tch Rosa, referring to me.
I was mad, she had no right to do this. My husband and I were the ones who raised him. My husband told me to not worry about it and to let her have her moment. I thought that no matter what, my husband should be the first to walk out.
The real mom and her family walked out first and my husband and I walked out last.
I didn't think that this was fair. They never offered to help pay for anything, not even the clothes that were bought for the palmberrers(which two of them were her brother, and the other two was Gaje's brother and half brother(both her son's)
She thought that everything should be her way.
How should I have gone about this?
3 people like this
7 responses
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
21 Jun 07
It's hard to say how you could, or should go about anything when you are dealing with such horrible grief. I think you did the best you could, and that' shoneslty all that anyone could ask. When someone is heartbroken, and hurt, they will act out against others, it's just what happens.. there is only so much grief one can bear w/out breaking. I know you don't know me, and I believe this is the first time i've ever responded to one of your discussions, but my prayers are will you and your family during this time of need. If you do not have a church home, there is one close by you that I would like to reccomend. It's Church Of the Harvest, In OKLahoma City. They have a website www.harvestokc.com they will be able to help you and your family, if you wish. If you dont' want to go that's fine, I wont' ask you agian, I just think that they'll be able to help.
I pray God blesses you and keeps you and comforts you while you moarn.
1 person likes this
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
21 Jun 07
We go to Exchange Avenue Babtist Church, but thanks for the offer. I try to go to church but I haven't went since this all has happened. I know I should but I don't feel like going right now and having to deal with people telling me that they are sorry. I will probably start going this next week.
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Good, I'm glad you have a home church. I pray that God will continue to comfort you. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel, and pray That you will find comfort soon. God bless you and yours.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Even though you'll never understand all of this, I feel you did what was right in all of this. Let the Mom who was not there have her day. Hopefully someday she will realize what she missed by being like this, and want to apologize to you for her actions. But if not, let it be, and it will continue to be her loss.
I just know it must be hard on you, but it sound like you have a husband who Loves you so in time you will learn to move on, and live life as it was meant to be. Wishing you the Best.
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Thank you so much for this. I wish that she would understand everything that is going on and understand why I felt the way that I do. I never said anything cross to her and yet she felt the need to treat me like dirt.
@nudshanie (359)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 07
When I read your story, I feel very angry. What kind of family are they? Never respect the feeling of a family that help to raise their son.
I'm so sorry what had happened to you. After losing your son, you have to face with his real mother. I think that's why God give the child to you. To get the full love from your family in his short life.
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
26 Jun 07
You made me cry after reading this. I am glad that you wrote the part about God giving me Gaje because he knew that I could give him the love that he deserved. You are right. I loved him so much, I still love him. I miss him more than anything and I could never take that for granted I wish that everything would have been different but they are making things worse. You would think that they would just back off.
@lvhughes (545)
• United States
23 Jun 07
keeping quite was the best thing because of were you wher but that was wrong. sometime we have to swallow our pride. their is one person that knows the truth and when judgement day come their isnt anyway to force your way ahead of anyone. my heart goes out to you. and my prays are with you. may God bless and keep you and your family.
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I hope that when judgment day comes, I hope that Gaje is standing their to meet me and his dad. I hope that he understands. I think about him looking down on me and I pray that he remembers all of the happy times that we had together. I would feel ashamed to have acted the way that she did and to think that her son may be looking down on us all. I think about it all the time and I don't want him to see the pain that we are going through and the pain that they are putting us in.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
while she is the biological mother, she should have been more sensitive... it's good that you kept your cool..
don't worry, your young angel is in God's care now and i'm sure he's just out there to watch over you...
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I bit my lip the entire time. I was wanting to speak up but I couldn't because I tried to put myself in her shoes and I felt bad for her because she is the real mother but at the same time, when is it suppose to be my time to mourne without people looking at me and saying that they don't know why I am crying if I am not the real mother? It is sad to think that they think I was nothing to him.
@mamakatsarj (143)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
well just be civil and understand... she is indeed the real mother and despite of her being an addict and all we do not feel the pain she is feeling being the real mom. I guess out of respect and to your adopted child you just give way and understand.
@lightningMD (5931)
• United States
21 Jun 07
It was right to not make a scene. You know in your heart who his real mom was. It's not the person who gives birth it the one who takes care of them. the one who reads them stories and tucks them in at night. Your Son knew who took care of him and who loved him no matter what. So do anyone who was close to yor family, so it doesnt matter who walked where your husband showed great dignaty by allowing her to have her own selfish way.
@rosaflorence (1924)
• United States
21 Jun 07
The one thing that i was glad of is that my husband and I seen him last. I didn't want to let him go. I stayed in there with him until they told me that they were ready to take him in the hursh.
1 person likes this
