Life changes
@mfnworkfromhome (14)
United States
June 21, 2007 7:53pm CST
Well, it has been a tough few months. We have my sister-in-law and her two daughters living with us for a while. She is getting divorced. Don't get me wrong, I am happy we can help but it has just been a frustrating situation. Our house is constantly cluttered and we have no space or privacy right now. My sister-in-law is out a lot with her friends or new boyfriend having fun and we are stuck watching her kids. I don't mean to complain but my inlaws are always talking about how difficult this must be for her kids and how tough things must be for my sister-in-law. No one even thinks about how difficult this is for my children. My son has autism and having his space invaded and his schedule interupted has really started to cause him to be agitated and frustrated. My husband and I don't know what to do. We don't want to seem heartless but it is getting to be too much. So my question is, is it appropriate for us to ask her to start looking for her own place or should we just tough it out a while longer?
4 people like this
10 responses
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
23 Jun 07
I feel that is quite a sticky situation but I feel that your first priority is your own family so start giving some hints and instead of she having fun make her realise that she needs to stand on her own two feets and look after her children. A little bit of straight forwardness at this time will save your little boy and your family's happiness so you have to do it.
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
23 Jun 07
Well my thinking would be that if she found the time to find herself a new boyfriend and has time to go out with her friends that now would be a good time to tell her that although you love her and all that you really think she should start looking for a more permanent situation for herself and her girls .
You did a really good think opening up your home for your sister in law but she has to understand this was not a permanent situation and you and your family have to have your own space back at some point and it doesn't mean she has to leave now at this moment but if she doesn't start looking for something you will all end up hating each other .
It is hard living with someone else but we all do it when we want to help out but some people are just too scared to take that step out on there own without a little nudge once in awhile . Take Care and best of luck !!
@cabergren (1181)
• United States
22 Jun 07
It is definitely time to sit her down and have a long talk with her. It sounds like she is taking advantage of you. I would give her a reasonable amount of time, but she needs to get her own place. It sounds like your life is turned upside down. That is not fair to you and your family. Good luck.
@Neriz69 (1093)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
Here in the Philippines, we really don't mind our relatives living with us for a much longer period of time. My uncle who also got separated with his wife lived with us for 2 years with his 2 kids. We even provided for all their needs while they were staying with us. They did not give us a single cent.
It's find with me, but if you are going to live in my house you follow my rules. They cannot just do whatever they want in side my house. Come and go if they want. They have to help doing household chores from time to time.
That has to be cleared with them. If they don't want to follow my rules then they must leave. I think that would be fair enough.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I think your family comes first. I know it is hard to be a newly single mom, but she doesn't sound like she is really helping you, she is out with friends, boyfriend and the like and the house is cluttered and your son is suffering from it. he needs his home and regular schedule back and soon! So, yes, I would tell her that you and hubby need to have a sit down with her and relay the rules in the house because you are having problems with your son and he needs to get back on his schedule for his benefit. I think that might give her the clue that either she needs to pitch in more and get back on track or she needs to find her own place. In general I would just drop hints as to when she plans to find her own place. I am not one to bite my tongue and I would flatly just tell her it's time for her to fly but I know that is very difficult in a situation such as this.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Earlier this year I went through a situation similar to yours. My fiancees brother moved in with us with his two sons. He would go out while we sat at home babysitting his children. I admit that after a while I got annoyed with it. His children were teaching our children bad habits. I finally asked my fiancee to speak to him about the situation. I felt that it was ruining our family.
My suggestion to you is to have your husband speak to his sister. Explain to her that you are willing to help her out but that your house is to crowded and that you feel it would be best if she started to look for her own place.
If you allow her to keep staying you could start to become resentful of her and her children. I think it would be best to be upfront and honest with her.
@Zelmarq (12607)
• Cebu City, Philippines
22 Jun 07
Yes, whats constant in this world is change and thats no doubt. Its like clouds that move across the skies life is changing form before our very eyes.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Sounds like you are being very gracious. I think that I would suggest you sit down with the sister in law once the kids are all in bed. Tell her that you are happy that you could help her out and you are happy to see her getting on with her life. Then explain to her that it is very hard for your son to cope with all this distractions going on. Tell her you want to help however you can, but she needs to be there for her children in the evenings and you would like to help her look for a place of her own. Try to be very sensitive as she might become defensive. It might also be a good idea to get the inlaws involved and backing you on this. Explain to them that you have helped your sister in law, but it is now time she gets on her own two feet and takes care of her children in a home of their own.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
22 Jun 07
I was just wondering why it is she didn't move back with her parents or something like that?
It was sweet of you to let her stay but you aren't responsible for taking care of her children so perhaps you should drop a few hints that you have loved having her there but you need your space again & she needs to find her own place.
Or, another hint you could drop is that your son's getting aggitated coz he isn't coping with his routine not being as it was & with nothaving any personal space. I'm sure with his autism, she'll be able to understand the situation a bit better & offer to look for her own place!
Good luck to you & it's great that you have helped her so generously but for her to get things back to normal would be best. Maybe you could help her look for a place - that will take some of that stress off her too!
@djbizmonkey34 (633)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I think maybe you should start hinting to her that she needs to find her own place. Tell here you willl offer to help here look in the paper or see if you know if anyone knows of anywhere. As long as she is working, she could support herself.. BEST OF LUCK!
