is my father cheating?
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
Philippines
June 21, 2007 8:26pm CST
i read a conversation my father had with a woman online
it read something like:
father: hi how are you?
lady: hi, i've missed you.
father: i've missed you too
lady: kiss mwaahh mwaahh
father: mwahh tsups
lady: how was your trip?
father: it was great thanks!! how are you?
lady: i'm totally ok.. how abt u?
father: im alright. work as always
lady: you need a good rest
father: ye, i've missed you. i've been thinking bout u lately.
lady: me too, can't wait to see you, im working tuesday
father: me too, are you home or internet cafe?
lady: im home
I asked him about it... we talked seriously for about 2 hours... and he says its nothing wrong with doing this.. i feel like he's lying to me.. he's lying everything about her. i don't want to tell my mom about this because i dont want them to hurt or fight with each other. My dad also told me he loves me and my mother. But i think it's really unfair for me especially to my mom. I need some advice if I should tell my mom or not. Because I feel my father is doing something bad with this other woman.
5 people like this
22 responses
@billabadmash (1011)
• Pakistan
23 Jun 07
Yeah There is something wrong here so i think you should put some check on him and try to find out :) and if he is not fair then dont be fair with him :) and tell that lady about all the situation :) and your father will be left alone with you :)
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
im doing the best i can . thank you. But i can't seem to say anything to the woman . . i suddenly feel tempered about it i just think of all the furious things i could think of and what i want to do with her. . my family has been doing fine since she came along
@munhozmib (3836)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
22 Jun 07
Maybe there's nothing wrong. What if it is his workmate? They are telling that they missed each other because they are good friends. Can't your father have female friends? Personally, I'd say that to some of my friends if I had traveled. And if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't like them thinking that about me.
If you can't trust your dad, then who can you trust in this World?
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
yes i trust my dad but i suddenly lost my interest in trusting him, im sorry if i sound mere minded and not that open but this is something new, the hours and hours of internet and the messages and oh yes my intuition really gets the best of me . .
1 person likes this
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
24 Jun 07
ok i get what you mean. thanks for opening up. i will still ask him what relation he has with the woman
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3836)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
24 Jun 07
I know what you mean. You know, it's hard to think that your dad is cheating on your mom, but I think that, if he says he loves you, then there is no problem! He isn't cheating your mom... Try to get some concrete proofs about it, otherwise, imagine: you go, create a debate, start arguing, your mom gets involved, and you find out your dad wasn't cheating. He'll feel like what? That his own daughter can't trust him?
Please, get concrete proofs about it. I am sure you can do it.
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Oh,sweetie.i am sorry to say it, but your father is cheating on your mother. You definitely should tell her. i know you don't want her to hurt or your parents to fight, but she needsto know what he is doing.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
i just hope my family will take these lightly and i hope my little brothers wont get involve in such stuff. . . they too young to see my parents quarreling im really concerned about them
@bcl_me (582)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
I think you really need to tell your mother about it to clear things before it gets worse...or you may not tell your mother about it but advice the ladey not to flirt with your dad that way because it is not good for her...I think if the public will know about the situation both of your dad the lady will be destroyed so it is just not good and not to mention the family the flirting will broke...it will be such a big scandal I think.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
i still want to know whether who started it. If the girl really flirted with my father or my father was the one. I would see my father innocent if he was the one being flirted
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I agree it's doesn't matter who started the flurting first.If she started it and he went along with it then he is not innocent.He's writting that stuff,that's not innocent.And if that were my husband flurting in person,via the phone or internet or going out on me then I would want to know about it.I would rather know about it now,then find out about it some other way years down the road and feel like a fool,like they were laughing at me.I would tell her.If you love your mom you should respect her enough to not let her live that way.If she is a faithly,loving wife than she does not deserve that.Yes,you love your dad too.But,covering up what he is doing is not loving him.It is also like you are cheating on her too.It is helping him dig a deeper whole for himself with him thinking that it is allright to cheat(verbally or physically) on your mom because you will cover for him.This might be just verbal,but it may get worse to physical if he thinks he can get away with it.Depending on your age your mom may feel cheated on by you as well,because you knew this whole time and did not tell her.Now,in my opinion if you and your dad are honest with her and stop defying her,she will forgive you and maybe they can work things out,if it has not gone too far.I know this sounds harsh but you asked,so I feel I need to be honest with you.I just know how I'd feel if I were your mom.
@vonne28th (1494)
• Philippines
24 Jun 07
Please don't get me wrong but i think your father is really cheating. It isn't good for a father to talk or have a conversation like that to a girl especially when he has a family. And if he lied or not telling anything like this to his family about this girl,he might doing some miracles. Just try to observe his actions and may be you will prove or discover something more complicated. But i hope it wouldn't happen.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
well im not sur eyet but i will find out soon thanks for responding vonn
@minijumbuk (514)
• Australia
22 Jun 07
Hi fellow myLotters
i understand your situation as my mum's friend's husband is having an affair with another woman...
and from what i have heard from you, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT!! tell your mum...at least not at this stage yet... have another serious talk about the issue with your dad and tell him to explain all and everything about who this woman is, if he refuses and takes you around the garden trying to change the subject, tell him straight on "i am not a innocent stupid girl anymore, i know what is going on" or something along those lines. tell him you dont want your mom to be hurt and yes i do think it is "really unfiar for you and your mum" so confront ur dad, even threaten to tell your mother, if he still refuses to explain to you, if he is having an affair, i think it is reasonable that you should tell your mother, she has a right to know what type of person she is sleeping next to every night...
just imagine, if later you have a husband and u dont know what type of person he is, whether he is cheating, but you still sleep next to him every night, i would definatly be angry
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
yes its like im 18 yr old right now and he still thinks im he's baby girl .. who is easily convinced by his words
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
24 Jun 07
its like he thinks he could just fool me when everything really feels obvious and my intuition tells me theres really something wrong. just like you said "im not an innocent girl anymore i know whats going on"
i will talk to him when i find time, its real hard to just come up to him with this
@minijumbuk (514)
• Australia
23 Jun 07
so please tell me how it goes =D
i hope it was all just a big misunderstanding...
you really do need to talk to your dad
@Stiletto (4579)
•
22 Jun 07
Ok I'll skip over the whole issue of how you came to read the message anyway if it was for your father as I'm sure others will probably have mentioned that.
It looks to me like your father is "at it" with this woman. It's not just an online flirtation is it because he's actually met her hasn't he? Personally I would tell your father that if he doesn't tell your mother about it then you will tell her - and really do tell her if you have to! If you don't say anything and your mother later finds out that you knew anyway then think how she will feel. It's better coming from him though rather than you being involved.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
so i should talk to my father to let him be the one to tell my mother.?! is that it?!
@amitavroy (4819)
• India
22 Jun 07
well i dnt think these things should be dicussed in public places. is he really doing this. i dnt think so
and if is
the why are you asking people.
take your own decission.
these matters are very personal and shoudl not be mae topics for discussion.
at least i dnt think so.
different people may have diffrent viws
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
yes different people has different views . . i made this discussion because yeah nobody really knows me here at all and i want to know how other people would handle this kind of situation if they were in it . in order for me to know how to handle on where i am standing right now.
@lisado (1227)
• United States
23 Jun 07
My question is, this is the conversation that you saw (for whatever reason since I'm not sure exactly how or where you found it) but what about the ones that you haven't seen? How long has this been going on? Does your mom know he goes to an internet cafe? What would he need to do that if he has a computer at home? Afraid someone might look in the history or logs and find out he has been doing stuff that he shouldn't have been? I'd be curious.
I have to disagree with him when he says that there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. I'll bet that if it was his wife doing this he would be furious! I think that your mom has a right to know. Will she be hurt and angry? Yes, but she needs to know. Give her a copy of the conversation and let her confront him about it. This might not be the first time it's happened. Of course he is going to tell you that it's nothing because he doesn't want you to tell your mother. If it were me, I'd want to know.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
omg i have been trying to do that . . but i don't really have the courage to it seems like everytime i want to do it something pulls me back . . if i tell her i would feel guilty if i see her cry . . my mom is weak when she hears about this i don't know what her reaction would be. i want my father to be the one to tell her this in order for my mother to fully understand and forgive him and not let our family breakdown
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
If it looks fishy ( and it does ) then the chances are very great that he is cheating . I do think that you should tell your mom about this . One of the hardest things about finding out that the person you love was cheating on you is finding out that everyone suspected this or knew this but didn't tell you . I know this from personal experience . It is going to hurt your mom but it is not you that is hurting your mom , it is your dad and you can't be faulted for doing what was right .
Try looking at it this way . If you were with someone and they were running around on you , would your rather someone told you or would you prefer that they kept you in the dark possibly endangering your life because if he is sleeping with her and then sleeping with your mother , then you have no idea what kind of diseases she may have . It doesn't mean she does but when you sleep with someone you also sleep with everyone they have ever slept with as well .
I realize this is a very hard decision to make but think that the best thing you could do would be to tell your mother and let her take it from there . It doesn't mean that she will leave him but it does mean there is a big problem and they need to work it out .
Best of luck and take care !!
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
thank you for your response, i really hope they didn't sleep together just the thought of it makes me sick. . i mean my dad is a nice person .. he cares for us and like he has this otherside of him thats a cheater?!
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
yes maybe you could disagree but in my case my dad is like the serious type who knows what he's doing ( at least thats he's impression to us) but acting fishy like that ?! like when i ask him about it he suddenly acts fishy .. . if it was really her friend he would have told me . . but i guess lying to his child isn't something he does everyday (before i found out about this)
@jayanth10 (39)
• India
22 Jun 07
I have been in the exact same positin as you and didnt know what to do then. My Father was having an affair and I was the only one who knew because I used snoop around a lot in the house. I did not tell my mother as i knew it will hurt her. And I didnt confront my father directly. But i made many passing hints that I knew what was going on. My Father then promptly came clean with my mom and now their marriage is going fine with no outward fights or problems. I think now that you have confronted your father you can rest easy as he will either stop it himself or tell your mother about it. its their problem and you should not make it yours. If you tell your mother it will hurt her more than when your father himself comes clean. But continue monitering your father's actions so that you know if he is continuing it. It is most probably a mid life crisis due to boredom and he will get over it. Dont worry. Enjoy your life.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
thank you for sharing your experience with me, i think, yeah it would be better if my father was the one to tell my mom.
@LoraAbigail (11)
• United States
22 Jun 07
OUCH! He is emotionally cheating no matter what. Yes there is a BIG something wrong with that. I would tell my Mom right away and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my dad but that is not right!
@adsdasdsaf321 (1)
• Portugal
22 Jun 07
Maybe it's nothing...but if you think thats getting serious, maybe you should talk to your mom about it...
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
my father would be the one to talk to my mom . . its going to be more harder if i was the one to tell my mom about this . . i mean how would i explain myself
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
Looks fishy to me. If I found that my husband was talking like that to another woman, I would be very upset. He may not be cheating physically, but, he is emotionally. I don't think you want to get in between your parents, that will put you in a really awkward spot. Try to talk to your father again, and see if he'll stop on his own. Again, I don't think what he is doing is right. They are obviously meeting because she says she can't wait to see him. Bottom line, he's cheating.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
it really is fishy and the thing is he wont admit it and its sad for me that i cant even do anything for it.
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
24 Jun 07
well, it sounds to me like it is something unfaithful to your mother, whether or not he is cheating, I think that if your father feels he is doing nothing wrong than there shouldnt be a reason he would feel he couldnt tell your mother about it, If I were you I would give your dad an opportunity to tell your mother. If you feel he is wronging her, you should tell him, that you feel it is wrong. It was good of you to go to your dad than directly to your mom. It is a hard place for you to be in, let him know that by not telling her you feel you are being put in a bad position, and it isnt fair to you. That is my advice, I hope it helped =)
@angela2006 (1845)
• China
22 Jun 07
my advice is not letting your mother know that thing.you should continue to communicate with your father about this thing,who is that woman,and what relationship between him and the woman,you can tell him that you will not tell your mother,if he still loves you and your mother,then it does not matter,you can forgive him if only he cut dowm the relationship with that woman.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
i wish he could but what if he doesnt?! god im so delirious right now and i don't know what that means .. everytime i go online i think of my dad!
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I don't think it is your responsibility to rat out your father, even though it would certainly appear he is doing something wrong. If you have a close relationship with your mom, it might be very hard not to tell her, but most women know this sort of thing intuitively, so if she is pretending she doesn't know, forcing the issue probably does not help her. What you might do, however, is make sure that she has her own bank accounts and that she is putting some money away because men who cannot be trusted not to cheat with other women also cannot be trusted not to cheat with the family finances. Do you think she will read your discussion here and know your screen name?
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
she is too busy to use the net, she's a nurse and shes working 12 hours a day 4 times a week and when she's home she spends all the time with us and also its her time to rest.
@add_im (2712)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
If I'm in your situation right now, I'll have to make a focus observation about your dad's reactions and what he's been doing lately online talking with those woman and wait for a little more time to get any chances for me to get some proof if he truly cheated your mom, so that way he can never lie for anything now that you have something to prove him wrong regardless of his secrets.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
i hope he's concscience would get to him, he's not a teenager right now and he has a family with wonderful kids, and we are all inspired by him specially my little brothers.
@butterfly39 (3904)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
Well don't tel you Mom, i am sure they're gonna fight. just tell you dad to stop doing it coz it's not good.
but if he is still doing it then that's the time you would tell your mom.
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
i already told him that many times. but he wont listen to me. he just change the topic.
