How do you deal with your anger?
By Paulyn Davis
@paulsy (1263)
Philippines
June 22, 2007 9:17am CST
When I am angry, I am naturally a very nasty person. I say things that may hurt a person tremendously that he or she would rather not speak to me ever again. For this reason I make it a point never to be confrontational, unless I had been hurt or offended. No matter how I hate a person, I would prefer to keep my mouth shut. Well, that would be, until that person causes me any pain or trouble.
My fiance and I argue every once in a while. Just when the argument starts to heat up, I decide to stop the discussion and keep my mouth shut. He doesn't like that. He gets even more irritated when I stop saying anything, and thinks that I'm giving him the cold shoulder. Just recently when we were both talking about our arguments, he mentioned how he hated it when I would just stop talking whenever we were arguing. I explained to him that he knows me and I know myself very well, that I could just blurt out really nasty words that I know I would regret saying later on. I love him very much and even if we don't agree in some things, I never have the desire to hurt his feelings. I asked him to just let me keep quiet on the times when we're both p*ssed, until we're in a better mood to discuss the issue in a peaceful way. That is, without yelling at each other, as the sound of yelling hurts the ear too much.
There will never be perfect relationships. Couples may argue and disagree every once in a while, and arguments are usually aggravated by words we don't mean to say while we are angry, and these same words lead to break-ups and separation, which should never have happened. I believe that if you really love somebody, you will never want to cause him or her any kind of pain. If nasty words were held back, a couple could probably maintain a peaceful and harmounious relationship together. What do you think?
2 people like this
5 responses
@joannacortez (38)
• Philippines
16 Sep 07
Well it's very refreshing when you don't hold back your feelings. Let it out so that he will know what's on your mind. Your relationship will strengthen if you will establish that healthy relationship and the best ingredient for a healthy relationship is communication.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
17 Sep 07
Hey, it's great to hear from you!
You are absolutely right! Good communication is definitely an ingredient to a healthy relationship. And that's what I live on. I prefer to communicate, that is, to have my point reached, to be heard and to be and understood whenever there is a conflict. A flare up of emotions would never result to the right understanding that I would intend to achieve. It only complicates things, leads to unintended breakups and broken hearts! Happy mylotting!
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
18 Sep 07
hehehe "especially if I'm wrong"... that's the good part! Suyuin ba? kayang kaya yan Mare!
@joannacortez (38)
• Philippines
17 Sep 07
well, when he flares up...just kiss and hug him.hahaha. that's what i do to my hubby. especially if i'm wrong.
@happymommy3 (2012)
• United States
1 Aug 07
Well I guess I'm the kind of person who really has to take alot before I get angry. When I do get angry I usually just keep it inside unless someone has really hurt my family than I will say something to the person. Usually at that point I talk really loud or even shout. If I fight with my husband which we rarely do, I usually just shut up and don't say anything because sometimes I guess I feel like it's not gonna do us any good saying something mean. I don't think I've been really angry for a long time, probably the last time was at my mother which was a few years ago and I was angry about some things in the past so I finally told her how I felt and she was shocked. I didn't say mean things, I just said how I felt and why. So I guess when someone really sees me angry it's a shock because I don't get angry too much and if I do, you probably might want to plug your ears, lol.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
1 Aug 07
Know what I think? I think you're such a nice person! I wish I could be like you! I've changed some, that started after my ex and I separated. I used to be the WORST b*tch whenever I got irritated, and that was rather often during those days! After that hurricane part of my life was over, I've gradually become a little bit patient and tolerant. At this point I only get angry when I am or anyone in my family is being deliberately offended.
1 person likes this
@joannacortez (38)
• Philippines
17 Sep 07
i did that too. before i usually suppress my feelings and stay quiet but there will come a time you will burst. and that anger that you suppressed for how many months or years will become hatred. that will make you the meanest and nastiest person in the world...believe me. i don't want to repeat that same mistake again.
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
While you are holding back the nasty words, you believe you are doing a good thing, but in reality you are not, I think you would be better off finding out why you are so angry, why you feel the need to become bitter and caustic, when you feel offended, or hurt, This is not a normal thing, and by carrying around all that anger, it is slowly eating you up. and when hurt or offended it comes hurling out at that person. The chances are pretty good that you are angry with your self for not doing something,that you dearly wish to do. I know in my case, I felt that if I ever started to cry, I would not stop, so I didn't cry, and that if I ever got into a fight , there would be blood and bodies on the ground. So I with drew myself and the anger and resentment grew and grew, It was only when I was able to discover why I was so angry I was able to do something about it. If you are walking around carrying a white hot rage, you are missing out on a great deal of life. Please consider getting help. Now this being said it is just my opinion, and I may be totally off the mark. and you are certainly free to disregard this post. I have been wrong before, and will be again, it was just that I do so understand what you are saying and how you feel. In my case I believed my self to be inferior, and was very angry when people proved it by treating me that way. When I became more balanced in my life and saw myself as someone that deserved respect, I was given respect. We sometimes play into our own beliefs. Take care. Robin
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
22 Jun 07
Thank you for your thoughts. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. Now in my case, if I feel and believe that I'm doing something wrong by not blurting nasty words when I'm angry, then maybe I would seek help. When I was young, when my father got angry, he yelled out too many nasty words. So when we kids have our little fights and arguments, we use the same nasty words our father used to say. But that was in our family. Not everyone can take that. Somebody can get hurt. So instead of blurting them out now that I'm an adult, I keep my mouth shut. And if I thought that was a bad thing to do, or I'm doing myself harm, I would definitly get some help. As far as I'm concerned, I think that to avoid saying nasty words in anger, and being able to discuss issues peacefully is doing a lot of good to my ears, my heart, and my relationship. Thank you again for your comment.
@hannahlotski (377)
• Philippines
17 Sep 07
For me Offensive words really irritates me a lot. If I am angry, I can control everything. I never talk with my partner what I feel. I know that is not a good point for a relationship but my partner is a very stubborn person. He always do what I don't like. If I talk to him what I don't like him to do, he will still do it more often.
@jmathen (112)
• India
22 Jun 07
When I get angry, I used to be a very nasty person. I would just yell and say all these words that might hurt the other person. When I get calm, I felt so bad because i would say all unnecessary matters and I cant take it back by saying just a "sorry". But I have to say, i have changed a lot. Now a days, when I get angry I pull myself a bit. I do say things out of the anger, but i dont go over board. Just say what is needed and then I walk away from the scene. I take a walk or go and watch TV or get involved in something like that ! After I am calm, I go back and try to have a sensible talk with the person. I mean, try to sort out things with the person. It gives me a chance to apologize from my side and make him/her understand the reason I got angry, from my point of view. Also, Listen to the other person's views and then end up with a friendly chat! Well, this works for me very much. I have to say it keeps me happy and relaxed and a have a healthy relationship with my husband.
