My son does not listen...

My daughter is 4 and she loves to go places during the day with me. She tends to not listen when we are shopping. I tell her that if she isn't going to listen when we are out, then we won't go out anymore. If my kids are fighting when they are playing outside and not listening to me, then I tell them they have to come inside. Taking away privileges seems to work for my children. Sometimes it is an inconvenience for me, but teaching them a lesson is sometimes more important. Good luck!

Why does he half to listen to you? What about it makes it so important? To whom is is most important to? Have you tried explaining why? Have you tried asking why he is not intersted in what you are saying? Have you stopped to imagine if you were in his place? Why spank if it doesn't work? How old is your child? I'm going to give you some links. Please take the time to read them. I promise you'll see a huge difference in your son, and in yourself. Here is the best advice for talking to kids 25 WAYS TO TALK SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL LISTEN http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061000.asp Ask yourself why is it so important that he obeys you. What about what you are telling him to do is so important? Is there a way to come to compromise? Is his action truely dangerous, or does it just worry you? Do you have to be in control? Do you really want a child that obeys without question? What kind of adult would that child become? Have you ever read anything about consensual living? There is a basic article about it here. http://mommybabble.contentquake.com/2007/06/18/consensual-living/ You can learn more here too. http://www.consensual-living.com/index.htm What does spanking do? Why do you think he acts out more? How would you feel if a larger person was always controlling your actions and hitting you when you disobeyed? Why is his independance a threat to your control? Have you tried to find the underlying issues that may be causing his actions? Have you ever questioned if maybe it really is not worth the fight? Why do you have to be in control to be the parent? Here is some information on the effects of punishment. http://mommybabble.contentquake.com/2007/06/20/the-effects-of-punishment/ Children are like little mirrors, they reflect our actions. Can you see your own control issues reflected back in his need to be independent? What does that mean to you? Try having more "yes" days. http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/ginger_carlson.html Here are a collection of great articles on living with children that can be extremely helpful. http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/living_with_children.html And please, try something other than spanking. http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/articles/gentle-child-discipline.htm Feel free not to answer any of the questions. They aren't for me, they are for you to think aboutand answer for yourself.

Please don't feel like a bad parent. His behavior seems very typical of a 4 year old reacting to having a new baby in the house, and it's also normal for you the parent to feel stressed as you adjust to managing two kids. I have an idea for you that might get him more interested in staying close and will teach him about measuring at the same time. Cut different lengths of string or rope (one so tiny that it will make him laugh, because it's always easier to learn, when you're having fun). If possible it would be helpful to have different colors for the different lengths. Then have him hold one end and you hold the other. The longest one might be about 7 feet and could be the distance he's allowed to be from you when you're at the park. 2 feet might be the length for walking along a sidewalk or in the mall. 1 inch would be for parking lots, or crowded public places. Have fun with the lesson, and let him think up different lengths for different situations. Then use the earlier advice someone gave you about not going to the park, until he feels ready to stay close. For now, cancel all park trips until you can go with his Dad or another adult, so that you can leave right away if he forgets or purposely runs away. Then, if he does run away, you can just pack up calmly and tell him that he can try again on a different day. Make it clear to the other adult that it's quite likely he will test the new rule and the park trip may be over almost as soon as it starts. It's important for the adults to stay matter of fact, and not show that his behavior is negatively affecting anyone but him. I know from experience that the first time you go without another adult after such a lesson, that your older child will test you and try to run away. Again, I would stay calm, and announce that it appears that he's not ready to be in the park with just you and the baby alone. He has the option to get back in the 7 foot zone, or not be able to go to the park until another adult is free to join you. I found my 3 year old (my kids are 3 yrs apart) changed her mind pretty quickly when I told her this, and I didn't have any more problems with her, because she knew I would follow through, and the park trips would come to an end. In general though, it helps to get into "with them" rather than "against them" mindset. I'd try to pro actively, ask what distance my daughter thought was appropriate whenever we went somewhere. Sometimes she'd joke and say 100 miles. I'd joke that maybe 1000 would be better. Once we were laughing and connecting with each other, she was less likely to try and get negative attention from me.

I know that kids can push you to the edge and even over it. Our middle child does that to me and she still throws the fits like a four year old. The first link that lillake gave is really good. I wish I had read that several years ago. It is no fun to fight with your children. I have never got as angry in my whole life as much as when they act up. I have learned to just send them to their room and back down and try to calm down. Even if I hear them thrashing th room I stay out of it. Your son is obviously very independent and that makes things more difficult. I like what was said in another post about stepping back and ignoring them for five minutes. It really does help. It is very hard to stop a child that is determined to do something. I know that your son is inquisitive and has no fear of going up to the strangers in the park even when you tell him not to. I like the suggest that if he does it then it is time to go home. He will scream and throw a tantrum but just close your ears and keep going. I know it is hard to do and takes some very physical effort. But after you get home and have calmed down have that discussion with him again and ask him why he had to leave the park and try to get him to say it in his own words that he went to the stranger and could have been seriously hurt. It won't happen the first time. But the next time you go to the park remind him of what he did last time and why he had to leave early. Eventually it will sink in. They can be really stubborn, can't they? We found that at home the best punishment are to take away something they really like. Maybe his favorite toy. And say he can have it back when he acts properly. This was the punishment we used that seemed to work the best. When they get older it is restrictions from video games and the computer and finally the TV. Time outs like having to sit in the corner seem to work fairly well for kids his age. Just sit him in the corner and back off and ignore all the fuss he makes. He will eventually calm down and you will not have high blood pressure as a result. Try to avoid the screaming at him. Just put him in the corner and calm your self down. It took me six years to learn that this is better for you then the fighting. Your heart will thank you.

I have two boys that are now adults(supposably,lol)and a daughter that in ten.It would help if I knew how old your son is.Kids are even more different from when my boys were kids.I spank my 10 yearold daughter too and it only effects her for a few minutes,but it effected the boys.But,it did not help that my late husband spoiled my daughter.I prefered to let her have her way and do what she wanted then hear her cry.Now,Iam trying to change her,it's not easy.Let me know how old he is and maybe he can give you an idea.

My son used to be that way too. Actually even my daughter was like that when she younger. Sometimes we need to let them learn from experience for them to remember that what we parents tell them is really good for them. For instance, I would tell my son that if he jumped on the bed he would fall and get hurt. Well, he insisted on jumping, and I just let him, knowing that if it happened, he would land on the wooden floor. And yes he fell, just as I warned him. He was hurt, not that bad, but well, it hurt. I reminded him that I warned him, and it turned out to be a lesson for him. Other similar things have happened to all three of my kids, and today, it seems, they don't have the need to verify my words to them. In all honesty, it's much, much easier to tell them what's not good for them because they know something wrong will happen if they disobey us, and they don't like wrong things to happen.

I am sure it is scary knowing that your child will not listen to you and hope that you get a lot of good feedback from other members. Maybe if you reward him with something for each time he does listen to you will help. It does not have to be big or every time he listens to you but reward him with something. Maybe getting rewarded once will get him to listen to you more often. Tell him that you love him and do not want anything bad to happen to him. I am sure he will listen and understand eventually.

How old is your son? My boy is four years old, almost five and he went through a phaze where he did this to me. I didn't lose my cool (not outwardly anyways lol) I mean there were times when I would want to throw things and scream and yell and have a gorn up adult temper tantrum myself lol but I didn't do it. I wouldn't be harsh with him. I wouldn't yell, I wouldn't appear angry. I would go to him and turn him to face me, squat down so that I was face to face with him and in an even, quiet, calm tone I would say "Gabe... Mommy doesn't want you to do that because...." and I would explain to him exactly why. Such as I don't want him talking to strangers because although some strangers are nice, there are strangers that can hurt you and mommy doesn't want you to be hurt because I love you etc.... At first he would squirm and not look at me and jump up and down or go limp because he didn't like that I was holding him in front of him demanding his attention. I would just keep my firm grip (not a burising grip or anything) but a firm grip so that he couldn't pull away and I would explain to him. Then I would say, "I know you like the park but if you don't behave we are going to go home" and if he didn't behave we would go home. Now I still may have to talk to him a little bit but for the most part he now understands that mommy isn't being mean, mommy is trying to protect him. I have also kept him aware of certain rules in the house and out and I have never waivered on them. It is a long and arduous battle to be a parent lol but you have to keep a calm and NOT angry.

To be a parent is not easy nowaday, and same goes to kid. My boys don't always listen to me, I have to constantly remind them and to concern their feeling. Tell the consequences and give all kind of senario and result of the situation. I have found a web-site pretty useful. It really teaches us how to deal with kid and how to talk to them. http://www.hitinc.org/uploads/resources/481/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-and-listen-so-kids-wil.pdf Take care.

My first question is how old is your son? He may be to the age where spanking isn't the best punishment anymore. Start punishing him by taking away his priveliges (I'm pretty sure my spelling is screwed up, so ignore it). If he won't listen to you at the playground or park, then don't take him the next time he asks to go. Another solution might be to try a little reverse psychology. If he's doing it to get a rise out of you, then don't let him see you mad. If it is a situation where it's not dangerous, then let him see that his strategy isn't working. React calmly--and then punish him. Just shrug your shoulders and say 'okay, that's your decision...now here's your punishment for disobeying me.' Don't let him see you upset or angry. Again, this one will depend on his age--but it might help to sit down and talk to him. Why does he feel the need to go against your word. Maybe he's just an angry kid, or maybe there's a reason for it that you haven't seen yet. So, here's my advice in a nutshell: adjust your punishments to focus on things he really likes, instead of just spanking; don't let him get the reaction out of you that he's seeking (don't let him see you mad and upset); and as an option, talk to him about his behavior. Hope some of this helps.

Your efforts are the best at this time, do not lose heart and also do not try to discard your way of action. If you do not protest him for his misadventures, he will do more dangerous things. However,these days when people like to live separately and do not like to share their moments in neighborhood, their kids are deprived of friends of their age group and it is always mismatch. In a particular area if the elders of the vicinity, infuse liveliness and make community centers and allow their kids to interact each other and play together, it would make kids feel better and elders would have eventually check and monitoring upon them.

I'm just wondering how old is your son and is he your only child? If he is pre-teen, he may have alot of hurt stuffed up in him and if his behavior gets worse, perhaps you may seek professional advice. As a father of two teenagers, I take care not to love one more than the other, especially in the early years. Discplining children has to start very early (as early as a year old. Finding a balance is always very hard, but I follow some advice given to me when I was a young parent: One punishment, but many hugs and reassuring statements. There must be consistency in everything we do. And action is always louder than words. In other words, when we say we will always be there for them, make it happen! When we tell them we love them, give a lot of positive touches. (Sit by their side, sit them on your lap, tuck them into bed, stroke their hair) Finally, the greatest thing any parent can do is to 'serve' your children. By this I mean play games with them whenever they want to. Offer to make them a drink when they are studying or even when they are watching television or even playing a computer game. Use 'every act of service' to reinforce your love.

Hes doing it because he sees that it makes you mad. How old is he? mabey taking away his stuff for a while might help. He gets fun out of it, just like i did when i was young. Talk to him about how it makes you feel and stuff, and try to find way to work it out, like agreeing to do "this" if he listens.

Praise, praise, and more praise - for when he does the right thing. And I mean gushing. "Gosh, Billy, I can't believe how well behaved you were today, you didn't wander off once! And you didn't speak to any strangers either!" then call someone on the phone while he is around and tell them, go on and on about it and how great it was. It doesn't matter what thing he did right, if you can't think of anything else then praise him for sitting still while you fastened his shoe buckles. It is very easy to be so caught up in punishment that you forget what is effective. Negative moulding does not work. Positive does. Reward good behaviour; do it constantly. Look for reasons to do it. Right now you are so used to him doing the wrong thing that it is all you notice and the only way he knows how to get your attention.