What's a Mother To Do?

Well its probably not going to happen any time soon...but when this happens, you are going to have to decide, do you care more about the man or about the children? If you really do decide to follow the man to where he works, you can always fly back to see the children when they have school breaks... however, by the looks of your children's ages, they may learn bad things at this teenage without their parents around, or at least one of them...

You had me rooting for you to move and take the two younger kids with you, until you brought up their father. What barriers would this move place between him and the kids?

First of all you have a family and if it was me then i would be talking to them let them all know how you feel about the fact you want your family to stay together as one not a bit here or a bit there . There will be plent of time for you all to decide what is best as for the younger two they really do not have a choice .They are young and need a lot of guidance still they can still return during holidays to visit their friends and their father will only be a phone call away . But you have to consider you in all this it`s time to think about yourself and what you want out of life ten years on your own is a long time and now you have found happiness it`s your second chance but the only thing is you have to make that decision no one else can ,just listen to your heart and follow accordingly .The children will adjust in time to your final decision

That's really a dilemma...it's either you stay behind and miss the man of your dreams, or go with him and leave your 3 children behind. But I'm confident that for every difficulty in life, there is a corresponding happy ending. You are entitled to your own happiness, too. What if you leave your children behind? Who will take care of them in case you decide to go? Will they be safe in someone else's care? Of course, you have also to consider your life without your children because it seems that they will not join you to Missouri....You have to weigh your options...what's your priority now? In case you don't move to Missouri, will your bf call it quits or he would understand? These are major considerations that you have to weigh, plus you need to talk to people concerned--the father of your kids, your children, your bf, whoever will take care of your kids, etc. Of course it is also important to know the place you will be moving in case--who you will live with aside from your bf, and other arrangements. You know all the conditions, so I guess you are the best person to decide after a thorough deliberation...

It seems to me that you don't have an immediate problem. If the possibility of a move isn't going to come up till his father retires, and you don't know when this may be, then try not to worry about it. All of your children could be grown or college age by the time this happens. And these types of long term plans have a way of changing as they start to become a reality. I don't know how long you and your beau have been together, but if you believe this is for the long-haul, then remember this: you won't be raising your children forever. Children can adjust to a new setting. Eventually you will be on your own, and you need someone to spend the rest of your life with. You deserve to be happy too. Don't sacrifice a great relationship just to keep your children from change--you'll end up regreting it, and it can cause you to resent your children to some extent in the end. Think about it like this: if this move were going to happen next month, how hard would it all really be? Your 15 and 11 year olds can adjust to new schools and new friends if need be. And how difficult would it be for them to come back on occasion to see their dad and their friends? If it would too far, then talk to your boyfriend. How devoted is HE to your children and their best interests? Yes, this sounds like a good opportunity for him--but would he be willing to sacrifice his relationship with you just to move and work for his dad? On a side note, if you've been raising the children on your own all this time, then how involved is the dad? Leaving him behind may not be that big of a deal to the kids. The end point is that this may very well be something that you don't have to deal with for a long time. Your bf may just be asking this now to get a feel for how committed you are to him. Try to remember that this devotion needs to go both ways (not just would you be willing to move for him, but would he be willing to stay for you [and your kids]). The hard thing with being a dating mother is that the perfect man needs to fit not just you, but you AND your children. You're a full package. If you were to get married, then he would be joining your family. I hope that maybe a little bit of this will help.

Hi Sweetmimzin3! Although I am not a Mother myself, I do have custody of my Niece and Nephew and I have done and always will do, treat them as my own. I can understand your dilema. I get the impression from your post that you and your children are very close, if this is the case, surely they can see you are extremely happy with your current bf? Could you not sit down with your children and discuss this situation with them, before the whole 'moving' comes about. If you discuss this with them, when your bf knows exactly when you are expecting to go, I think they may feel a little kept in the dark. Call a family meeting and open up to them about the whole situation. Make it known that you do not want them to feel abandoned by you, and that you will NOT push them to do anything they do not wish to do, however also express exactly how happy you are with your bf. I think maybe you will be surprised as to how they react. Good luck hun. xx

Well since your boyfriends father has not made the move yet it could be quite sometime before you have to make the decision. As you say your children are all going to be moving one day and considering their ages it is not going to be too far down the road. If it was me I would let the oldest one go to college where she wants to go. The other 2 would go with me but I would most certainly go with my boyfriend - you have taken care of these kids alone for 10 years - now do something for yourself.

Well since your boyfriends father has not made the move yet it could be quite sometime before you have to make the decision. As you say your children are all going to be moving one day and considering their ages it is not going to be too far down the road. If it was me I would let the oldest one go to college where she wants to go. The other 2 would go with me but I would most certainly go with my boyfriend - you have taken care of these kids alone for 10 years - now do something for yourself.

Go with the bf when the time comes. Oldest off to college and the 2 younger ones with you, unless you have made different arrangements for them.

I personally would never leave my children behind for a man. I would wait until they were all on their own and doing well before I would leave them. I don't know, when it comes to choosing between your children or a man, I think the right thing to do is choose your children, your children will always be your children, but boyfriends come and go! Good luck in your decision.