How do you feel about the phrase..'The best revenge is a great life?'
@Perspectives (7131)
Canada
June 24, 2007 5:00pm CST
This discussion topic came to mind after responding to feedback around the blame game topic. Normally the idea of 'revenge' is not something I am interested in. Revenge requires holding on to a hurt, betrayal or whatever. Then it involves plotting, scheming, venting, projecting...tying into and holding on to the original act and leads nowhere. Circular stuck energy patterns are not where I want to reside..I want to keep moving onwards and upwards for as long as I am here. Sooooo revenge in the normal sense is not what this question is about.
When a friend gave me this quote during a rough patch last year it inspired me and why I am putting on the table for discussion. I made a choice to let my initial responses to the feeling of betrayal come to the surface in whatever way it needed to. I facilitated the process by ...crying, talking to friends, praying, meditating, journaling and yelling as I drove in my car with the radio turned up you know...all those 'open channel...vent out feelings scenarios' that work so well. Each one helped clear the less than desirable energies layer by layer.
After staying in touch with my feelings and doing some nurturing things I began to feel less engaged with the situation I was originally tied into. The feeling of not being caught up in ties that bind was very emancipating. What followed next was a decision to do a course correction and focus on how I could make my life emotionally safe, freer, more satisfying. Here I am six months later...feeling very satisfied to have overcome the challenges and allowing those who caused the problems go down their own road...without me. Who needs all the drama anyway? They may not know my choices led me to feeling great about learning valuable life lessons. But I am! At this point my view of the experience is akin to Rhett Bulter's famous line from Scarlett O-Hara..."You know what my dear...I just don't give a damn!" Whether they know that I have accepted their actions and released all attachment is of no interest to me. I am too busy going forward in quiet confidence...that makes life feel great! The forgiveness and acceptance have allowed me to improve the quality of life...and whether it can come under the catagory of 'revenge' it is working for me. Anyone else have similar stories they might be interested in sharing?
4 people like this
3 responses
@jcj_111776 (3216)
• Philippines
11 Sep 07
Hi Raia. I like that phrase, "The best revenge is a great life!" It simply means we have shown the person responsible for our pain and heartaches, that they have not won at all by destroying us, our dreams, who we are.
It is the best revenge because we have chosen to go on with our lives and strived to make it much better even when we are so heavily burden with pain.
Like you, there were some who had hurt me greatly. But, I've chosen to live my life the way I want it to be. Without any resentment, any ill-feelings. Because that's the way the people who have hurt me rely on. If I let them continue to affect me by showing them that I still hurt and have difficulty coping with my life because of the burdens I carry, then they win. And that is a sweet victory for them. To see me be destroyed by my own actions.
So, I chose to not let them have that victory.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
12 Sep 07
Yes I rather like it too. I am not surprised that you have taken the track you have and already made that your path. From what you've said in other discussions you know from experience that there is no point in hanging on to the past...and carrying a heavy bag of regret into the present and future. I love what you say about "them winning!" So very true.
You are a strong, centered person with a great attitude. I love the way you think...and treasure you as a friend.
Warm and loving regards,
Raia
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
11 Sep 07
Not yet? =P
The life that I am living is much better than the life that I started out with, but I could not honestly say that I am where you are. I have heard the phrase "The best revenge is a great life" many times in my life, and yet there is a part of me that is still thinking "Forgiveness is encouraging bad behavior" and "My hatred is a natural part of my existence just as my love is".
So I am not where you are. Will I get there? I don't know. Do I need to? I don't know. My path is my path, and no one else may walk it. I don't believe I have to follow the same path as someone else in order to be free. My freedom is making my own path, whether it is one others would agree with or not.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
12 Sep 07
Well lecanis, once again I respect your honest response. It takes awhile to reach a point of release and detachment from the past. The reason I chose to release my attachment to the horrendous things my father did to me was because I did not want him to control me any more. As long as I stayed energetically aligned to him and my anger, hurt I continued to feel victimized by the experience.
I did not forgive him for him...I forgave him for me. In my mind the forgiveness did not condone his actions...but as I separated from the energy of the past I began to heal and become whole. Forgiveness is not encouraging his bad behavior because within my spiritual beliefs of reciprocity...he will have to take responsibility for his actions somewhere along his soul path. By setting him free I was also emancipated. Where I am now...I am living my best life...and it showed that I was way stronger than anything her could ever do to me...and I am victorious and free!
So just because I see it this way...I so honor who you are and how you are free in your own way because yes...you are choosing your own path...and no one needs to agree because you are uniquely YOU!
Warm and loving regards to you and your family. Wishing you all light filled blessings! Raia
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
12 Sep 07
I can understand when you say that you forgave him for you, and not for him. I've heard that one a lot, and I can understand that value in it. However, most of the people who have talked to me about "forgiveness" have also encouraged me to have relationships with my family that I don't necessarily want, because that's part of "forgiveness" in their opinion. Which is why I said it's encouraging bad behavior. Within my family, there is a history of people ignoring all kinds of abuse, and when you bring it up, they will say you have to "forgive" it because of family ties. They will continue to cling to unhealthy relationships and let people harm them in the name of "forgiveness". That's why I said it's encouraging bad behavior.
My other issue with forgiveness is that I've known criminals who claim that what they have done isn't wrong because their victims said they forgave them. Especially when it comes to things within families, again, I've seen so many cases when the abuser doesn't seem to even understand they did something wrong, and I think the pressure to forgive no matter what is a part of that problem.
I guess I'd rather move forward in my own way. The way I see it, I use my anger to motivate myself to protect others. If it weren't for that anger, their are situations I've been in where I've actually been able to protect others that I don't think I could have gotten through.
1 person likes this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
13 Sep 07
I just read this posting of yours with a curiosity that how you have dealt with the term REVENGE!
I found that you have your saying in right perspective and you have not entered in the logical word use game! That's the main achivement!
A good sharing!
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
13 Sep 07
Thank you Healwell. I understand your question mark...because when I wrote it there was a little 'inner cringe.' Usually revenge is not something within my spiritual or word vocabulary that I would normally use to present a concept. However, it was a quotation that I heard somewhere and I thought it could be used to make a point about spiritual acceptance, forgiving, integrating what occurred...then letting go and letting God so it is possible to live in present time.
I am not surprised with your innate ability to 'see' beyond surface appearances and understand my perspective...again. What a great friend you are..I value your amazing 'lens' upon the world. I say this from a literal and metaphoric viewpoint because I appreciate your photographer's eye..and your 'third inner one' as well.
Your additions always provide something special...and I thank you again Healwell.
