Hold the door open or not
By Juanamomof5
@Juanamomof5 (429)
United States
June 25, 2007 1:33pm CST
My son and I were out shopping this weekend and he held the door open for a woman before he would walk in. Usually he gets a thank you or you are such a gentleman, not this time the woman told him that she could do it herself and that she didn't need his help. I step in and told her that I have taught my children to be respectful and hold the door open for all adults. She then tell me that I shouldn't raise my kids to be macho. I said excuse me what do you mean by that? Her remark was you people are all the same, and she walked off. Now am I wrong or old fashioned for teaching my children to hold the door for adults before they walk in?
12 people like this
47 responses
@MusikSpieler (140)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I think she was just an unhappy person. There are some people who you can't please, even with the simple act of holding a door open. Even if the woman did not appreciate it, it was still an act of thoughtfulness. Continue to teach your children to be polite, or the whole world wil end up behaving like that one woman.
3 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
7 Jul 07
That is what I don't want to happen. I wish people would be more respectfull and polite, so I try to teach my children to be that way.
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I don't think you were wrong at all for teaching your son to be respectful. I hold the door open for elderly people, male and female alike. I also hold the door for children and even sometimes adults my own age. Its just a simple act of kindness and respect. There is nothing wrong with it and I don't see why anyone would get upset about it.
3 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Thank you, I wish more people would do so.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
25 Jun 07
Wow, how rude of that woman! I assume her issue was that she thinks by teaching your MALE child to hold a door open for a FEMALE that you're teaching him that women are incapable or something. I'm sure that is far from what you are teaching him and your other children. Teaching them to be polite and respectful is not the same as the "macho" attitude she was referring to. I wouldn't worry about it. That same "lady" would have probably complained that your son was selfish and rude had he just let the door shut in her face (like she deserved IMO).
3 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
25 Jun 07
You know you're right. There are people in this world who love to complain.
1 person likes this
@mightycrumbgirl (380)
•
26 Jun 07
I think it's great that you've taught your children respect for others - it's a quality that's missing in many of today's youngsters. I can't understand how anyone would take offense at someone wanting to help them - so what if she could open the door herself, she should still appreciate how polite and courteous your son was in doing that. Most kids these days are more likely to let the door slam in your face rather that hold it open for you - I can't believe how rude this woman was!
And what did she mean by 'macho'?? What's macho about being polite? And if in any respect the word macho is synonymous to polite, then I don't see how it's a bad thing at all. i think you're doing the right thing in raising your children this way, we need more parents like you in this world - this woman was out of order in taking whatever issues she has with men and turning them on your son. Keep up the good work :o)
2 people like this
@6in12years (305)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I suspect her use of "macho" was related to the "you people are all alike" statement. It was a veiled racist jab.
1 person likes this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
That's the same question I had. I don't see it as macho I see as being polite and having respet for your elders.
2 people like this
@Feona1962 (7526)
• United States
25 Jun 07
No, you are not wrong. At least your kids have manners which apparently she does not..I raised my kids the same and my grandsons also....keep up the good work....do not let her ruin your day....
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
25 Jun 07
Thank you, I won't let it bother me anymore.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7526)
• United States
25 Jun 07
That is good...I know it can be bothersome and I am very glad you posted this because using manners whether it is just a gesture of holding a door open, or saying please and thank you, seem to have gone out the window...My grandsons are taught to say, "please and thank you" no thank you, or yes please. This weekend our neighbor invited my grandsons to their sons 4th b-day, and afterwards, they both (5 and 3 yrs) walked over and said, "Thank you for inviting us to the party". (with a little encouragement from grandma). They will remember this and they will continue to do it...Have a happy day...
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I'm glad your old fashioned, you set a good example for young boys to follow everywhere. Thank you very much for being such a gentleman.
1 person likes this
@patricia85 (104)
• Philippines
26 Jun 07
thank you so much, on behalf of women everywhere. :)
2 people like this
@cikedo (3483)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Your son sounds like a gentleman and you've raised him to be respectful. There are some people in this world that just don't respect old values, like that woman. Just because holding the door open for someone may be an old custom doesn't mean it's a bad one.
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I find it a very nice gesture, and wish more people would do it.
1 person likes this
@mmorgan100 (66)
• United States
26 Jun 07
If more people taught their children common courtesy, the world would be a better place. There is nothing old-fashioned about being polite. That woman should be ashamed of herself. Kudos to you and your son.
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I hope she is ashamed of herself for hurting and yound boys feelings.
1 person likes this
@Nardz13 (5055)
• New Zealand
26 Jun 07
Hi. First of all, how rude this women was, an adult at that. I dont think your wrong for the way you want to raise your children, actually thats quiet awsome and that shows and teaches children to respect and have curtious habits... I think that lady had a big problem, its just a bummah she took the attitude out on your son and then resorted to sounding racial toward you, saying you people are all the same. These are my personal views on this matter. I hope your son knows he did a good thing, and that some people have no respect for themselves or others...
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Okay, thank you very much, I tought I was being a bit sensitive with thinking it did sound racial. The good news is that my son is happy after having read the some of the remarks posted.
2 people like this
@AMDonovan06 (46)
• United States
26 Jun 07
What is that lady's problem?? She should have been thankful because it seems like very few people even have manners these days. My family was brought up like that and I think its very good that you are raising your son to be polite. Its sad that people don't have manners anymore. That lady was one of them and she is obviously completely ignorant and rude. Holding the door is a simple gesture that everyone should do for others.
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I just hope, she was just having a bad day, and after she realized what she did she felt bad about how she behaved.
1 person likes this
@sugarfloss (2139)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 07
oh my god!the woman said that?what's her bloody problem?
your son should've just slammed the door to her face.
but no,yes,we have manners.unlike that old woman who probably lived in a shoe and she didn't have any children and so she didn't know what to do so she's blaming everyone else.
ok,sorry,i'm being emotional.
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I really wanted to tell him next time someone says that to you slam the door in their face, But of course I couldn't since that would make hime no better than that woman.
1 person likes this
@leafgxu (472)
• China
26 Jun 07
I don't think you are wrong for teaching your children to hold the door for adults before they walk in. respecting the adults is polite. But some people such as the woman you mentioned think her is able to do something by herself. If you help her, she would unhappy because she think that you consider her as a old women and can do nothing. So depending the situation is a important thing.
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
7 Jul 07
My children and I hold the door open for anyone out of manner. I wish she would have seen it as so, it's a form of respect. Next time, hopefully their won't be a next time if it does happen, he'll just apologize.
@jzerbini (97)
• United States
26 Jun 07
It would always get on my nerves when people wouldn't say anything or say thanks. When I was in college I would hold the door for everyone, but when I would get someone that wouldn't say thank you I would do my best to remember their face...since it was a small campus I would likely see them again. The next time I had an opportunity to hold the door for them I would open it just enough for me to squeeze through. That was my little why of getting them back for not saying thank you.
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Thank you your comment made me smile. It seems that a lot of people have forgotten their manners and don't say please and thank you very often anymore. I hope we can start to change that one person at a time.
1 person likes this
@angiefayer (7)
• United States
26 Jun 07
your right i mean i was 7 monthes pregnat and i went to my daughters concert this man infront of me as i was getting into a seat when i asked him to stand because it was the last seat he said no i had a huge belly i couldnt stand he is a smart boy
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I can't believe that man was so rude, he should have given you the chair. I have stood pleanty of time at my children's concerts giving my chair to the elderly and here at their school people have given their chairs to pregnant women.
1 person likes this
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
26 Jun 07
No, you just did fine teaching your kid to be a gentleman...there's nothing wrong with him...it's the woman who may be a loser or something...she may be on menopause, or feels insecure about having been treated well by strangers, or what...I guess the woman is raised in a family where each is to his own...that they don't other people for help, etc. Whatever the reasons, it's her call, not your son...and she should not dictate how you should raise your kid...look who's talking!
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I hope she gets over what ever is bothering her, so she won't hurt another child's feelings.
1 person likes this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
It is hard to do what is right sometimes.
1 person likes this
@mcjeannie (703)
• Philippines
26 Jun 07
You are doing the right thing in raising your children as respectful person.In the Phils. that is how close knit our family is.We were taught to respect our elders. We give way to our seats for older people,in the bus, venue gatherings and even the third degree relative we acknowledge them.We have this practice of kissing The hands of our relatives even to the third degree as a sign that we will protect, love and respect them above all aside from the children. It is a beutiful culture I can't find in others and we Filipinos had never gotten rid as a part of our practice.
Don't be offended with that woman.There are people in this world who are really having some guilt complex in them because within themselves they had already lost self respect so the only way to vent it is to blame people who are doing good to others. Let your children keep on showing people such good act of kindness and respect. You were not wrong in rearing them.If parents like you would be lost and disregarding such practice then what would happen to our beautifule society.
I think not even seeing your family, I could sense you being a very respectable and having a beutiful family.Such people you encountered are isolated cases, and a person angry at themselves...It is a defense of projection, they don't have it that's why they resort to this defenses.
Don't fret, cheers and keep up for being a good parent!
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
My husband grew up in Mexico, and he told me that is what was expected of them. They too had to kiss the hand of Aunts,Uncles, and all the grown family members. They don't do that anymore, but we still as perants need to teach our children respect to make this a better place to live one person at a time. Thank you so much for your post.
1 person likes this
@jb_vete (323)
• Philippines
26 Jun 07
No, you just did was is right. Do not be bothered with that ungrateful remark of the woman. She may just have her personal problems that lead her behave like that. The way i see it, she's just bitter, and i feel sorry for her. But definitely, teaching your children to be respecful by openning the door for adults is admirable. If only all parents are like you, the world would be a better place to stay, i should say. Keep up the good work and continue to shape your kids with values. And i should congratulate you for that pleasant gesture of your son. Congratulations!
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I just want to thank you I have let my son read the remarks and he was all smile and told me so I wasn't wrong.
1 person likes this
@trk918 (254)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Keep teaching your kids manners. Many have none at all these days. It is very irritating to see so many rude people. When I went to Hawaii it was shocking to see how nice people were. People of all ages opened doors for you, help you with things. In shocking I mean in a good way. In the last 5 yrs I can only think of once that a person held the door for me at a store that wasn't an older person that learned manners.
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
The only young people that have ever held the door for me is my kids.
1 person likes this
@surf2_the_max92 (5)
• Australia
26 Jun 07
no you did the right thing thats how i was taught, that lady probably had a bad day or shes uptight like that all the time, who knows but don't blame yourself you did the right thing
2 people like this
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I hope it was just a bad day, if not this woman leads a very sad life.
1 person likes this