When should he propose?
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
June 25, 2007 6:47pm CST
I've been discussing this topic with my mom all weekend. She believes that after a year, as long as things are still good the man should propose.
I thought that sounded a little hurried to me, after all, don't most relationship experts contend that the first year of a relationship, it's still a 'honeymoon period' for the couple? I think 2 years is enough, you have the good first year, and then the second year where your 'not so perfect' side comes out and glitches crop up.
My honorary big 'sister' is getting married to her fiancé in September, they will have been together 4 years by the time they say their I Do's. I know that after they'd been together for 3 years, but before he popped the question, she was quite upset that couples that had only been together for 6 months to a year were planning their nuptials while she was stuck sneaking looks at bridal magazines on the sly.
I would hate to be in her position, 3 years does seem like a long time for someone to make up their mind!
What do you guys think?
Give me an estimate on an amount of time a typical couple (mid to late twenties or early thirties, both gainfully employed) should be together before the question is popped?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@egortizv (225)
• United States
26 Jun 07
well, im not sure about an exact amountof time becuase really, there shouldnt be. I actually beleive the longer you are already together, teh better. In the case of your friend, if she was able to survive 4 unmarried years to her husband, then chances are she has a long future ahead of her with him.
With each couple the time will be different. If it is hurried then there is no confidence and more chances of doubt. Breaking up with your boyfriend just because he didn't ask to marry would just mean that you two should have never gotten married. As long as you two have one another in your lives thats enough, let the marriage come in its own time. The stronger your relationship before your married, the longer you will probably last.
and about your mom, she just wants a couple grandchildren to play with and take care of and wants you to have a wonderful life but have patience if it was meant to be then it will happen when the time is right.
good luck!!
=)
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
26 Jun 07
*LOL* Mom is well aware that the only grandbabies she'll be getting are the 4 legged fur covered sort. I've never wanted kids, never been a nurturing type -- a puppy and a baby are on the floor crying and I would scoop up the puppy before the baby. They just aren't my thing.
I'm not worried about it, we've only been together a little over a year solid, although we've known each other for 7 years. I was just curious what people thought the appropriate amount of time would be.
@sweetmimzim3 (261)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I heard from a reputable relationship therapist that if after 18 months of dating there is no talk of marriage then it's time to move on. She said after a year and a half if you don't think your ready to wed this person then they are not the right one for you..and there may be fear of committment issues involved which can be troubling to any relationship.
1 person likes this
@magnet (2087)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I can't speak for everybody but before I got married my husband dated me for 6 mths then proposed and we were engaged for a year then married. Things are great. We are still married.We did not feel rushed but ready. We've been married for 7 years. My sister dated her man for a few months and got married within a year. My youngest sister and her man were friends since the 6th grade and now she is 22 and they got married this year.
@meleshia (624)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Personally, I don't think there's an exact timeframe on when to pop the big question. It still depends on the couple and their personalities. I don't see anything wrong in marrying early on in the relationship, nor do i think that being in a relationship for a long time before getting married is bad either. My guy and I have been together for almost seven years and there's still no talks of marriage yet, but we're still happy. We enjoy each other's company, and we're content with each other. Although I do also like to get married, I'm not in a hurry. I'd much rather be prepared mentally, emotionally, financially for marriage and spend our lives peacefully than hurry the matter and regret the decision after a few years. =)
1 person likes this
@iiawak (50)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
there's no exact time as to when to ask that question... the timing depends on the circumstances. As to the age, there is no particular scope. there are disadvantages in proposing/marrying so early so it is in doing it in the latter years. if both ofthe couple know that it's the proper time to do it then go on. Aside for the mutuality of the feelings, another thing that must be considered is the stability in aspects of decision making, maturity, finance, and emotions. things like proposal for a wedding don't just happen. it requires careful deliberation and weighing of facts. the surer the decision, the better. if something is really meant for the couple then the universe will conspire to make it happen... :)
@lilcutieflip (31)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I think the only answer to that is when the guy is ready then that's when he should propose. Guys have obviously different perspective on proposals and marriages and it seems that often a woman might be ready but the guy is not. You might be stable and you both might have everything to be a family but mentally and physically one has to be prepared and determined if that is really what they want!
1 person likes this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I too think one year is too soon. I mean, it can be sweet and romantic, especially if things are going rather well and all, but I think two years sounds rather good. I mean, a lot of relationships make it to the first year and then something happens. I think both should be rather comfortable with their decision and the relationship before they pop the question. I just think asking too early can be a lot of undue stress on a relationship that really isn't needed until everyone is sure of what they really want.
1 person likes this
@Tetchie (2932)
• Australia
26 Jun 07
Is there such a thing these days as the 'typical couple.' My very good friends have just got engaged after being together 20 years! I was with my former husband for 3 years before I made him propose!!! Ooops.
Then this little snippet landed in my lap today and I laughed heaps:The World's Shortest Fairy Tale...
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her behind, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants.
THE END
So........who knows what's right, wrong, good or bad!
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
27 Jun 07
Because I'm still traditional and so is he. I wouldn't dream of asking a man to marry me because I've never seen it working out.
I have 2 female friends that proposed, one ended up getting dumped when her fiance told her he "didn't feel he met her expectations" and the other couple called off the engagement so that he could propose. Not exactly a great track record, IMO.
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
28 Jun 07
If you think about how men and women typically operate, it all boils down to our baser instincts. Most men would feel a woman asking would be either, a) a threat to their masculinity, or b) neat, but in the long run, something they didn't value (one of those broken engagements, he felt that he wasn't actively taking a part -- if she asked, and then she planned the wedding, and all he had to do was show up, he felt it would be a bone of contention that would bug him for a long time).
Men are naturally hunters, women are naturally nurturers, going against this is going against out very nature as men and women, women's libbers can argue that it's an antiquated mindset all they want, but they didn't take into consideration the fact that nature factors into how we act much more strongly than our convictions.
So as hunters, men would naturally feel more comfortable courting and then winning the hand of the women they love, they'd value it a lot more if they did the asking. Most women naturally value the proposal, the engagement, the wedding, etc anyway, the man asking makes men feel like they took an active part in the process.
@marshall_blake2000 (304)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I guess it depends on the person. sometimes i hear girls have to be the ones to ask. But I would thank they been together long enough.
@jzerbini (97)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Taking the age and money factor out of it make it a little easier to take a guess. I would say about 1 year and up. For myself I think 2 years is a good time. Of course it does depend on the two people and when they are ready, if someone isn't ready the last thing that should happen is them getting forced into it because they hit a certain time limit.
