What do I do when a father's words about her weight hurt my daughter?
By TriciaW
@TriciaW (2441)
United States
June 26, 2007 6:18am CST
In a fit of anger words were exchanged between my daughter and her father. Suddenly he said why don't you go eat more that is all you do. My daughter burst into tears it is something she always tells me she hates about herself. As she was crying she told me she was never going to eat again. Of course I ripped him a new one for his words and he started saying he was sorry right away but it was too late the words had already hurt her. She is now so focused on losing weight that I am worried about her. I had a niece almost die from not eating. I went through all of the tears of her in the hospital and so this is something I have lived through and now I fear I will face that with my daughter. I talked to her and explained what he said was wrong and that she has to eat to live. I am over weight so I told her if she wants to work on changing her eating habits we would work together on that and we went shopping together and got fresh fruit and veggies. I explained to her that she had to have a certain number of calories a day and explained to her the importance of eating right and not starving her body. I think I have her agreement to not starve herself but I still worry. What can I do?
4 people like this
8 responses
@saralee1 (1983)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have to applaud you on your efforts,because I think you are being a kind, and understanding parent! Not to mention, you are already talking to your daughter about calories, and eating fresh fruits and vegetables, to not only "tell" her, but show her! and then you go the extra mile to join her? woman! you are a saint! I mean that! :)
my foster mother did the same thing for me, because weight was such a "big deal" in High School. I was soon exercising, and watching my diet in High School,and dropped the extra baggage. It has helped me turn into a healthy adult, and I now regulate my lifestyle. major kudos for you!
1 person likes this
@stumpydog (27)
• Australia
27 Jun 07
what a wonerful Mum you are. This brings back memories for me also. My father once said something nearly the same to me when I was about 11yrs old. it hurt then and continues to haunt me still(27 yrs later). It was also said in anger, once said, no amount of apologies can make up for it. My aunt used to tell me that I was fat every time I saw her. I used to avoid her then and I still do. even now that she has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer I still don't want to see her. You are doing exactly what I wish had happened for me, having someone to work through this( you). You should be commended for tackling your husband also. People just don't understand how words said in anger can be so detrimental. Keep up the great work you are doing with your daughter, she will love and appreciate you so much more. You will make a terrific role model for her
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Those were about the most cruel worda a father could say to a daughter. If you had said them they wouldn't have hurt near so much. The Words spoken in passion are the one that effect us the most. You are doing the right thing but I would also watch her for bolemia. If she starts going to the bathroom as soom as she is finished eating then you have a new worry. But the best thing you can do is teach er good eating habits and stratagies. Keeping the low cal vegies for a benging need.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I would watch carefully after meals and make sure she isn't going and making herself throw up. Hopefully just the two of you working together will be enough. It is not easy being overweight and your husband should have never said that, especially that way. Maybe you could get her into LA weightloss or another program.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I think your husband needs to sit down with her and tell her that people say things when they are angry and he didn't mean what he said. He could also follow that up with a talk that she is beautiful the way she is and that he wouldn't change her for the world. He needs to throw out the occassional compliment, like how nice her hair looks on a particular day, etc...My oldest is very short and a little chubby, as a matter of fact one of her school mates made a remark to her about her weight and she hardly ate for a week! I'm fortunate that I noticed and she told me what was going on. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to adopt healthier eating habits, and although you are trying to make her feel better, the true apology needs to come from her father. Girls need to have a male role model that makes them feel accepted for who they are, not make them feel like they should fit the supermodel stereotype.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Would it help if her father actually sat down and told her how sorry he was? maybe actually hearing it from him might make her feel a lot better about herself. I know I would rather have heard it from him because he was the one that said it. I also think its great that you have decided to change your eating habits with her so that she is not alone through the process. Its so much better when you have someone else helping you along the way and encouraging you to do well. You sound like a wonderful mom :) Good luck as I am also overweight and have lost 12 pounds already. Slowly but surely if you are committed to at least doing what you have already set out to do, you will lose the weight.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
27 Jun 07
You've made a good start, Tricia, and shame on dad for making such an insensitive remark to your daughter. Girls look up to their fathers to protect them-not bash them. You can help her even more by not bringing into the home junk foods that will tempt her.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
27 Jun 07
You've made a good start, Tricia, and shame on dad for making such an insensitive remark to your daughter. Girls look up to their fathers to protect them-not bash them. You can help her even more by not bringing into the home junk foods that will tempt her.
