Domestic violence...

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I think that you are a very strong woman for getting out of that relationship and getting your children away from those kinds of situations. You have all of my respect for that. I think that you must be very angry. You went through abuse for so long that now you don't know what to do without it. Maybe that's why you are taking your anger out on your partner. I'm sure he knows that you love him and that you aren't doing this because you mean to. You just need to learn how to calm down and transfer your anger to something else. Something productive! You will get lots of help in counseling. I hope you get in there very soon.

Hunny. Believe it or not I have felt exactly how you have descdribed many times. I was diagnosed with depression in my early teens. "It" makes you do crazy, wierd things. It makes you feel like you're a freak. But I'm much better now. I still fly off the handle sometimes. Different things work for different people. I honestly believe that you only get better depending on how strong your will is. You have a stong will; I can tell by reading your entry. How much do you really want to feel better? Remember it's all in your head, don't feel sorry for yourself, have tough love for yourself. Love yourself. Youcan't love others 'til you love yourself. Counseling is a great way to let your feelings out, say what you want and you will not be judged. This is what's worked for me. I didn't want to be someone living off ssi! As far as the aggression you're feeling, you have more energy than you know. Do something positive with that energy and exercise. I hated when people told me that, but it helps. Make the time to do it. Physically and mentally it makes you feel so much better. Try kick boxing or just go for a walk when you feel yourself getting angry. Seperate yourself from him when you're mad. Tell him to give you space when you're not happy! Sorry if anything I said was not what you or anyone else wants to hear, but that's what's worked for me. I'm not on meds and I'm glad! Hang in there! Look how far you've come!