Do you have a habit of telling white lies?
By lexus54
@lexus54 (3572)
Singapore
June 27, 2007 10:18pm CST
Do people call you a liar? Probably not. But in reality, do you tell lies? I mean the type they call WHITE LIES. The Oxford Dictionary defines a white lie as a harmless lie told to avoid hurting someone's feeling.
Ok, I admit I do tell white lies sometimes, although it is not a habit. I tell them when the situation calls for it and I try to be diplomatic and not want to sound rude or hurt others' feelings. Some examples I can remember: I visited someone last November, and the host offered me a dish which I politely declined, giving the excuse that I wasn't hungry at all [the truth was I didn't like the food that was offered, but I didn't want to tell the host that]. On another occasion, a friend asked me to join him and his friends for a meal. I didn't like the company, so I gave the excuse that I had an important appointment coming up, and didn't have time to eat yet. All these are white lies of course, but they didn't hurt anyone and helped me to wriggle out of situations I didn't want to get into.
So do you tell white lies? C'mon, I bet you do sometimes. Share some of these moments, and let others know what kind of a 'white lier' you are!
3 people like this
15 responses
@xiuluoelly (1224)
• China
5 Jul 07
I have no objection to telling lies, cometimes well-intentioned lie, it would make the other side feel happy, on the contrary,sometimes telling the truth, are likely to be hurt each other, and when lying, tell the truth wehn,in fact, look at the face of what is the matter.
2 people like this
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
5 Jul 07
Thanks for sharing. It's interesting you mention about telling white lies to make the other party feel happy...come to think of it, saying things like "Oh, you look so lovely today" when seeing someone will certainly make that person happy and bring a smile on her face, even if that is not really the truth. Such a comment can't hurt, right?
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
29 Jun 07
In my opinion, white lies are not excuses and are best used sparingly. Even though white lies are supposedly good to one's morale and feelings if used correctly, it is still a lie. As far as possible, I try not to tell even white lies. It can end up in a habit of telling lies, especially when one begins to think every lie is a white lie.
2 people like this
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
29 Jun 07
You are so very true. I respect and share your thinking on this. The danger of using white lies too often is that we can trivialize lying to the extent that we don't bat an eyelid when we next need to lie. We have to keep this danger in check and know our limits. Thanks for your opinion.
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
Hi there, great to hear from you. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you value and uphold honesty in your dealing with others. Just be careful about the hurt feelings that may just arise when honesty is applied to situations, and you will be fine, I'm sure. Have a good day.
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
28 Jun 07
I am a very direct person, so most of the times I prefer to tell people the true about my thought. But occasionally, I also will tell white lies so that people won’t be that upset because of the small careless or mistakes. To tell a great white lies are not easy, as it needs the potential skill, otherwise it might be exposed. LOL
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
29 Jun 07
Thanks for sharing. Hey, you're right. Telling great white lies isn't that easy, because you need to be consistent in your story. You might say something as an excuse, but something else you say later or to some other person might give you away, and that can embarrass you too. It is good to be direct also, but you need tact in communicating what you think.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think that we are all guilty of this to some extent...my philosophy of life "Do what you will, but harm none"....I would never hurt someone's feelings on purpose and find myself very guarded when there is a chance that I might because of emotional responses or something that I feel passionate about...
2 people like this
@yuanchang (474)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
yes i tell white lies when it is needed. but it is also not a habit of mine. white lies really help in not making things big or worse. i do it sometimes to not if i do not want to make a person worry because of my situation. i just tell them i am just fine though i am kind of having a hard time.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
3 Dec 07
Sometimes a lie or white lie is necessary to spare someone their feelings, some people can't face the truth and are very sensitive and will take offence or get upset. The old saying truth hurts, well it's like a knife to the heart, so by telling a white lie you are sparing their feelings and getting yourself out of a tricky situation. I have had to tell white lies in the past to save myself and not suffer the consequences because believe me when you are in an abusive relationship a white lie saves so much hurt and pain, mentally and physically.
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
10 Dec 07
I share the same thinking with you, wolfie. We need to take people's sensitivity into consideration when dealing with them, but our intention must be right if not telling the truth is we feel the more prudent option. Thanks for your opinion. I somehow missed your reply a week ago, and I apologize. :)
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
1 Dec 07
i don't know anyone who doesn't tell white lies. ^__^
i think lies are considered white lies if they weren't meant to hurt someone's feelings, just like what the dictionary says. i tell white lies most of the time just to avoid misundertandings and to avoid conversations that i don't really like. ^__^ and yeah, i tell lies to avoid hurting the feelings of someone. i think it can be considered "covering up" and not lying. ^__^;;
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
3 Dec 07
Thanks for your response, secretbear. I think honestly, most people do tell some white lies every now and then. It's human nature and sometimes done sub-consciously. Like me, I know they mean well doing so, and never intending to harm, deceive or cheat others. In fact, if we try and be very direct and truthful in some situations, we may end up hurting others. Then we may be seen as being tactless and inconsiderate. Nevertheless, I think we should tell white lies only sparingly and in only very necessary situations.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
8 Apr 08
I do especially when I need to make things better or avoid someone gettting hurt! lets say, my friend will ask me not to tell so and so about a particular thing..Then after someone will be asking me like did you know that your friend is pregnant and the guy run away with other girls , I will just pretend that I dont know even if I was told about it I will pretend that I am shock! I can't really remember but I will admit, I have in many times having white lies!
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
9 Apr 08
I can associate with that because I've encountered such situations before. You're probably well-intended in how you reacted. I might have pretended to be ignorant too. It's not so much about the white lie itself, but more a matter of being tactful when a situation calls for it. Thanks for sharing.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
26 Feb 08
I like your call to self-honesty...and I think you are right most everyone tells a white lie or beige fib every now and then. I think we do it when there is a sense that the truth would be too brutal for someone to accept and perhaps the white lies and beige fibs are an act of kindness.
When I was younger and less confident I used to tell more fibs than I do now. As I have grown spiritually and have a sense of peace about who I am and what I believe I find it easier to be truthful with people in gentle ways. However, there are times when a white lie seems to be the path of least resistance and yes, upon those occasions I will stretch the truth as long as it follows something I try to live by...and that is to cause harm to none.
Interesting topic. I wanted to drop by and contribute to you site because I truly appreciate your wonderful additions to Perspectives topics.
Warm regards,
Raia
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
26 Feb 08
Raia, thank you for responding. One good turn deserves another, right? Actually, I almost forgot about this topic of discussion which I started very early in my membership here. I've not heard of this term 'beige fib' before. I suppose it is quite a rare term used that is associated with lying. I searched for this phrase and came up against a wall.
I read in one of your previous posts several weeks ago about how your growing up years within your family had been mired in distortions and untruths, and how as a result truth became an important trait in your working life. 'Honesty is the best policy', as the saying goes, and it is something worthy to adopt, whether it is our family life or our professional life. I follow this principle for my life, and I'm sure you do too for yours. When one speaks the truth, one cannot really be faulted. In more sensitive situations, it is a matter of how one expounds the truth, tampering what one says with prudence and the right dose of sensitivity.
Again, I thank you for your frank opinion and sharing on this topic.
1 person likes this
@clicktoarti (79)
• India
20 Apr 08
i am not white liar, no body tell me white liar, and i am not telling lia in actually.
@longbangod (1785)
• Philippines
20 Apr 08
Honestly not my habit. Though I admit I do lie sometimes. I knew one friend who are used to tell white lies. I dont really know his intentions but as you said might be because he dont want to hurt somebody.
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
20 Apr 08
I don't like lies, at all. I often call people out when I hear them tell them. Unfortunately, I can't say that I never, ever, ever tell one. I try not to, though. But, I don't like hurting people's feelings, either. So, if I'm faced with sparing someone's feelings with a lie, I try not to say anything, at all. I'm more likely to lie by omission, I guess. For instance, if someone asked to borrow some money from me, and I didn't want to let them because I know that they don't pay back, I might say I don't have that kind of cash. And, at the time, I wouldn't have that kind of cash in my wallet. Even though, I might have that kind of cash in the bank. Get it?
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
21 Apr 08
Thanks for your viewpoint. Yes, I agree with you that sometimes, not saying anything is the better way to deal with a situation. It's a judgment we have to make when confronted with such situations. At times, in group conversations, I casually walk away when I sense the group is discussing things that will have to make me tell some (white) lies to hide some truths. Better not to have to say anything by not being there, than to have to blurt out some untruths.
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
5 May 09
I am not compulsive liar but do tell lies as a joke or when there is no other way out. Yes i would many a times make such kind of excuse or if i dont go to a class and asked why i didnt attend last class i find it too difficult to tell my teacher i didnt attend your class as i feel bored in ur class so i say sir I had upset stomach.
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
5 May 09
Amazing you are still able to find my one-year-old discussion. Thanks for dropping by to offer your views on this subject. You are like me and almost everyone else who may occasionally resort to white lies to either wriggle out of a situation in a way that we don't get people upset or offended. What's important is that we make sure that we do it harmlessly, where no one gets hurt in the process.
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
9 Apr 08
Hi there, it's great to hear from you. Not telling lies of any kind is a great principle to follow for your life. When people know you are a truthful person, they will also be truthful to you in return. I also try and follow that for my life as far as possible.
