HELP!! I have a great guy.....but he lies alot about dumb things....
@nascar_girl_4jr (315)
United States
June 28, 2007 8:26am CST
Let me start by saying that he has been the bread winner in our house. He has worked hard which has enabled me to stay at home with my kids(not his kids). He works everyday and is very courteous to me in most every way. For the first 4 years of our 5 year relationship everything was great. Recently I have caught him in numerous lies. He found out that he had a 15 yr old daughter and kept it from me for 2 weeks, he told me about her, only because we were fighting about another dumb lie that he told and I caught him on. I told him then that if there was anything he was hiding or thought I needed to know he needed to tell me now. Because If I find out in a week that there is something your lying about....we are done. So he told me about his daughter. Well that was about 4 months ago or so. This last week, I had his phone and there was a message that said "are you ok, havent talked to ya in a bit"... that showed up as David as he had put the number in his phone that way. Im NOT the jealous kind, but recognized immediately that guys dont ask guys "are u ok" like that, so I call the number and went to a voicemail for Dawn. I talk to her and I absolutely accept that they were only friends since childhood. But why would HE put her number in as a guys name, to hide it. If it was really innocent on both sides he would have told me about her. As it turns out she is 8 months preg, and married with 6 kids. She said they are absolutely ONLY friends and she told me not to break up with him over her. She said that they had coffee about a month or 2 ago but nothing more. Why would he not tell me about this friend of his? or that they met a month ago? After the long talk we had about being honest. I believe she sees it as innocent, but maybe he is hoping for more...I need some help here....I love him, but I am not Rose Kennedy and overlook this while I set home and play house and he plays elsewhere...I dont want to be a jealous type, but damn why lie about an old friend??? Please give me some input...He will not be home for awhile so i have time to ponder this. I hold honesty to the highest and he is not holding up his end of it. But in EVERY other way he is great. He is a good provider, calls me just to say he loves me, sends me roses, rubs my back everynite he is home. But he also has a job where he is in motels for a week at a time..so I need to be able to count on him to tell the truth. HELP ME PLEASE....
2 people like this
5 responses
@Melissa528 (744)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Well, my Ex (of 6 years) was a compulsive liar. He lied about EVERYTHING and it wrecked havoc on our relationship. I think trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and without trust your relationship will NOT last. I'm sure you trust your man but IF he continues to lie to you then you will eventually lose that trust and it will be very hard to gain it back. I think you need to sit him down (when you're not angry) and have a long talk with him. He NEEDS to be upfront and honest with you and he has to stop lying or things will not last. Good luck hun, I hope things work out for you!
1 person likes this
@nascar_girl_4jr (315)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Thanks for your response...I think you answered it in the first 3 works...EX...like I said before...the right thing to do, is the one that is the hardest. Im just in shock with coming to terms w/ the fact that it is probably over with after 5 years. Single again...I guess...damn
1 person likes this
@Melissa528 (744)
• United States
28 Jun 07
It's very hard to be single when you were in such a long term relationship (trust me, I know) but if he continues to lie and doesn't make an effot to change then it might be the best thing for you. Have you sat him down and had a serious talk with him yet? I don't think that some people understand how damaging a "simple lie" could be.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I don't know what to say to you. It sounds like you have trust issues and your fears of not trusting him may be grounded in some truths that may be hard to face. Maybe he met with this girl and it was completely innocent, but then again there may be more to it than you know. Lying is a sign that something is wrong and that something needs to be addressed. Maybe some couples counseling will shed some light on these issues. Bringing them out into the open may be painful, but facing the truth is one way to hopefully build on a stronger relationship with each other in the future.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
29 Jun 07
That is one unacceptable excuse, telling lies after the other wouldn't make things good rather than it'll end up to even the most worst. I guess the guy loves just himself, and not you. He doesn't consider your feelings on such things, but only himself.
Believe me, I was once like this and I've learned from it. It was later that I've learned I was the selfish one's, it's a lesson I've learned after my girl and I broke up.
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Let me ask you a question. What would you have done if he had come to you and told you he had this friend from his past and he was going out to have coffee with her to talk over old times?
Not being the jealous type I am sure you would have told him fine, have fun...right?
Not likely. I have never ever known a woman that would. So perhaps he needed someone he could talk to. Someone that would not fight with him over how he feels or what he wants. But of course in order to have that he dare not tell you.
Of course I have no idea what their relationship is like. Only they do.
But to answer your question more directly there can be no love where there is no trust. He has damaged that even if he did not intend to. There is only one reason to lie that I know of. It is because you are afraid of that persons reaction to the truth. Lying never is the right thing. It always will catch up with you. And there is very little else that will kill a relationship.
Set him down and tell him what you know. Ask for the truth and if you don't get it maybe it is time to move on. If he doesn't hold enough respect for you that he can't tell you everything then he is not for you.
@tumalty1980 (256)
•
29 Jun 07
Oh come on you need to let them slide, as you've said he is a good provider so whats the problem with him telling a few porkies, If you think about who tells the lies the most, Men tell loads of little lies that dont mean anything like I've come straight home from work, no I've not been drinking and so on but when women tell a lie its a wopper, yes there your kids,
