Ungrateful relative?

p.s. you don't have to write your brother in law..just let them stand on their own.

The very reason why these brothers, wife, mistress and their baranggays are asking is because your wife is too generous to them. If she will pursue on her plan to buy a house in the province..believe me it will turn out to be a hospicio or a shelter for the whole clan. She's being neglected and i think what they are after are the money she always give. A thank you is not being asked for, it is given wholeheartedly if you appreciate or love the person who shares her blessing. In this case, those relatives are merely a parasite. (forgive my words but i can't find any that suits). I hope that somehow, your wife will be enlightened and focus on things that would benefit to both of you. Good luck my friend!

you make a good point here. sometimes generosity when it is on going, becomes not a help but a hindrance, when the recipient relies on the gifts to keep coming he ceases to try to make do on his own...the gifts become like a crutch to him. I forgot to state in my original reply that I think that writing your B-n-L would probably be a good idea. Some sort of acknowledgment from him is in order.

But... if your wife wants to stop all the money and presents, etc, I think that is a good idea too. Let her brother learn how to appreciate having a sister that good. But I suggest that you don't talk or write to your brother in law, because this might hurt his ego even more.

yes my wife is a kind and generous inday tita but she has given her last gift to her relatives in the Philippines. This is her choice as we are supporting some orphan girls in the PI and they will be getting our money and goods. If you read most of the post that were stated in this forum you would see that is the general consensus. Charity begins at home but "those who will not thank you for little...will not thank you for much" God loves the CHEERFUL GIVER..

thanks a lot, and continue to be a blessing to everyone. have a great day!

I only want to make my wife happy. This is not an easy thing to do as I don't ever deny her the pleasure of sending these boxes of stuff and money..but when her own brother can not or won't send a thank you? well so what if he has only a third grade education..someone in that family ought to let their benefactor "thank YOU" ? I just let my wife decide..if she is hurting..then I am also hurting. If you have read the early post you will see that this is a common problem with all people..not just the Philippines. I don't know what she will do..but she already has cut loose a lot of freeloaders from her Christmas list..lol..You can go to he Philippines in July and people will ask "where is my Christmas gift?:)" well i am sure you have seen this too..but where is ours? lol..Thanks for the kind words..we all know what we must do..always be grateful for big and small blessings..good health to you

May GOD BLESS you too friend and to your family, thanks...

Yes, every reply that i got was agreeing with you. Your letter is the general consensus. People in the Philippines think we just pick the money and goods up that we send them We pick the money off of the street as it is free to us and we don't have to work for it..this is not true. I told my wife not to deprive her or me of the things we need. When she went to visit a half sister who she sent many of these babayan boxes plus money for new teeth etc etc..when Louella visited her half sister ..she could not even offer my wife a glass of water or have toiltet paper when when went to the bathroom or even a banana to eat..my wife said she sent her nephew a lot of clothes and he is a college student and he would not even look at his tito louella just kept quiet and looked at the floor. louella said it looked like they just got done eating in a hurry so they would not have to feed them..as Louella brought with her some people who drove louella to her sisters...it was a horrible experience..but I asked Louella before this happen. Would the people (your family) return the favor to you if you were in trouble? poor? sick? or needed help? These people would steal the money that my wife sent for her aged mother and spend it on themselves and lie and tell Louella the money was lost in the post office..a flood..but Louella got the signed receipt with the half sisters name written on it.. Good luck to you and your family..All the responses were like yours or on the same lines. My family in the states are not the same since my Mother and especcially my father passed away..My Father was the glue that held our family together..Good Luck and May God be with you..

yes, in the mean time we don't send any balikbayan packages and of course no money as the "root of all evil is the love of money" + I do want my wife to keep visiting her family in Negros..but I told her to leave me out of this! I will stay home in our home in Michigan cause she could visit her brothr and his family on her own. It is hard for her to travel and visit her family with me tagging along. I don't like the hot weather..even in December it is too hot for me..and I prefer A/C ..The last two times that my asawa went to the Philippines she got very sice.. But for me..walang utang na loob..that is all folks.

yes, in the mean time we don't send any balikbayan packages and of course no money as the "root of all evil is the love of money" + I do want my wife to keep visiting her family in Negros..but I told her to leave me out of this! I will stay home in our home in Michigan cause she could visit her brothr and his family on her own. It is hard for her to travel and visit her family with me tagging along. I don't like the hot weather..even in December it is too hot for me..and I prefer A/C ..The last two times that my asawa went to the Philippines she got very sick..had to have her rings cut off her fingers as she was so swollen But for me..walang utang na loob..that is all folks.

P.s. I have a nice vacation planned ...maybe a cruise..so it won't be a total loss..it cost a lot of $$ to fly to the Philippines ..but that is up to her.

My wife had three educated nieces tht have a high school educaton plus their mother is educated. Louella has sent thousand of dollars in money and about the same about in B. Boxes..it is time to stop being Bebing this aide.. Louella will now send money and aide to some orphan children who have not the benefit of a family and not the advanatages her family has had through out the years. Louella will let then fend for thimselves as she has been doing this all her life..I let this matter lie with her..as I cut my children off from aide of money and goods when they were 18...it has made them more self reliant...Sometimes you must force people to do what they must do for themselves..or they depend on your charity instead of working... Yes, Louella knows best..whos is to say who is right or wrong? the person holding the money...that is who..we say not to freeloaders who do not even thank us for the stuff we give..he who will not thank for little will not thank you for much..

That is just a very tragic story behind all those years that your wife has been sending her hard earned money. I guess just let your wife do the talking but remain strong behind her. I think you should not meddle in this affair but always be at her side. I know this is a disheartening for her to stop the support given to her family but it should be done for them to learn their lessons.

The people in the Philippines have good intentions. and good intentions pave the road to hades. My brother try to start a food business where him and his wife and children sold food to the locals in Sumat.but they don't know how to handle money and soon they spend the venture capital and have no money for supplies..they eat their inventory i guess. Well, Louella my asawa.has ran restaurants and tried to tell them not to spend the money for their business but they don't listen. She even set up a bank account in on of her older neices name but she told her neice.Dabe..not to spend the money on anyting but the buying a big sack of rice from the millar or rice merchant..a months supply..instead Dabe cleaned out the bank account and just blew the money on her husbands family in Cebu... The stories I could tell..but this is just some of them..but I do think the free money ride from the US is soon going to be over.Louella is heartbroken and she will go herself to tell her relatives they should not count on her support as they have to feed their own already huge families... This has been going on for a long time.since 1979 but sooner or later Louella will just get tired of working for these ungrateful people... My own children are 37 year old daughter with three children and a 36 yerar old son and I have cut them off money since they were 18...they did not like it but that was when my child support was finished and they both quit school when they were 16 and now they have to work just like I did..i tried to help them but some people don't know how to help them selves. Martin Luther King said a Man is not a man until he has to be... you are not a man unless you have something worth dying for..Martin Luthern King ..also

We send the money by wire..and we are given a number and we call bebing and she takes the number to the place in Negros and gets the money..this much he does on his own..but we just sent three big boxes..of food, clothes, and household goods.. so I am sure he is happy..I am not going to miss this money..i would rather give it to my wife family as she still has a lot of gratitude for her brother ..so who am I to say NO..God bless them all

You are right. Edgar aka Bebing is a real tough guy and he was a security agent too and always worked for bosses in Manila..a driver and a body guard too. He was tough looking guy..but so are a lot of people who do this type of work. Philippine police don't fool around when they arrest someone. I know that from watching them work. Security guards are not easy going either. But now he is getting older and wants to live with his asawa..but he don't have many marketable skills. But I guess I will let my asawa figure that one out