Live Together or Get Married? What would you do?
By blondbat
@blondbat (503)
United States
June 28, 2007 11:23am CST
Although my husband and I have been married for 10 years as of the beginning of June, our inside joke is that I only married him for his medical insurance. In a way it is the truth.
When we met, I was struggling thru a divorce, and he had ended a relationship that was supposed to end in marriage. The last thing either of us wanted to do was date, let alone get married. But we dated and became a couple. I was going thru a period of underemployment, switching jobs frequently. I was paying for medical insurance out of pocket to a previous employer but that was going to run out soon.
This was before domestic partnerships and we still weren't living together full-time, so the only way I could be added to my hubby's insurance thru his employer was to marry him. I am not sure that we would have done it, either then or ever. I had already been married, and neither of us believed a ceremony would make or break a relationship.
So what do you think - living together or getting married? Do you think getting married changes the relationship?
3 people like this
6 responses
@blondbat (503)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I had been married before but the marriage didn't last. I was young and made a bad choice the first time.
My husband and I had already made a commitment to each other privately after a year of couple-hood and knew we were *meant* for each other. Other than the insurance, we would have gotten married to make his parents happy. They were old-fashioned and Catholic and wouldn't have liked us *living in sin* either.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
28 Jun 07
My husband and I lived together for five years before getting married. There were a lot of reasons why we didn't get married sooner, but largely it was because my ideas about marriage were formed based on very bad marriages that I saw around me. My mother had been married so many times that my brother and I started boycotting her weddings, and even the people in my family who stayed married were in abusive relationships or unhappy. Add to that the history of marriage being used as a form of suppression, and I wasn't too keen on diving into that tradition.
We finally did end up get married because it meant a lot to my husband, because of the legal rights marriage grants, and because he finally convinced me that our marriage would be our own thing, and not affected by anyone else's. That each marriage is a unique creation, not something that can be tainted by past things that marriage has been or meant to other people.
When we finally did get married, people kept telling us we would feel differently, or that our relationship would change in some way. However, the past three years of our relationship since marriage have been the same as the five years before. The only difference seems to be in how other people view our relationship, not in how we do. It does make things a lot easier socially and legally though.
1 person likes this
@stateroad (730)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I live with my boyfriend and his daughter.
We have a wonderful relationship and have talked about
wanting to get married and not have the paper change us.
I am very happy and he is very committed to me and me to
him. I think we will be married one day but I will not
rush into it just to get married. Getting married to
someone for the Insurance is not a bad thing I can
relate to that.
@mango_nectar (309)
• United States
29 Jun 07
My boyfriend and I have actually had this discussion a few times before. I think that both of our parents would like to see us actually get married and have a ceremony, and I suppose in some way I would like to have a wedding and such, but it doesn't really seem like that big of a deal to me. I definitely would prefer being married just because of all of the tax benefits, hospital visitation rights, and other "perks" that come along with a legal marriage. However, I don't think that being married is a huge deal. BF and I have been living together for over a year now, and we're still in school, so marriage isn't really a valid option right now anyway, but we are thinking about it sometime down the line (maybe when we're 50?)
Overall though, I'm just more in it for the monetary benefits. I don't think that being married or just living together really changes the relationship. Others may look at you a little differently, but as long as the two involved don't care, then it shouldn't be a problem.
