a very difficult part of my life

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I'm an insomniac... Ever since college-- way back 12 years ago-- I am already suffering from this maddening state of unable to sleep at night. We used to joke about this, we refer to it as the nocturnal syndrome. We'll just drink the night away and sleep while most of the whole country is awakening to a beautiful day. However, several tragic events in my life worsened this condition. Now, I'm undergoing medications for depression. I am not ashamed to admit that I'm seeing a shrink to help me weather this storm. More than two years ago, my brother committed suicide. We were not that close but we share the same house because our parents and siblings are in the US as permanent residents. We usually had fights and misunderstandings but we get along well most of the time. He took cyanide at the middle of the night and when I found him, there was nothing we could do to save him. I had to hide my grief from my parents and other siblings because Im the oldest and they would leave me behind after my brother's burial. I had to show them that I could manage. Little did they know that deep inside, Im suffering insurmountable grief. After about two months, my great-grandmother died in her sleep. Though it was painful, I was comforted with the fact that she was already 91 years old by the time she died. Still, it cut a deeper wound into my already bleeding soul and mind. I was barely returning to my old self when six months after my brother's death, my maternal uncle did the same thing to himself. This particular uncle was close to me because we practically grew up together. He taught me how to shoot hoops, we watched professional balls together, and did many things normal brothers would do together. Did I mentioned that he died on his birthay and that the celebration occurred on my place? Yes, after celebrating his last birthday on my home, he went home and killed himself too. Being a first-born, I tried to mask my grief by saying that I can pass these tests. That Im not that affected by the three deaths in just one year. Suddenly, I re-acquired my nocturnal syndrome which I thought was cured when I got married. I could not sleep again and has to wait for the noise of the morning to clear my mind and rest. I began to replay on my mind the night my brother died and ask questions on why he did it. I had to quit work because obviously I cant keep normal hours. I suffered from nervous breakdowns and began hurting myself. I was prepared to end my life on certain nights and only the interventions of my wife prevents me from doing so successfully. Middle-life crisis? Paranoia? Depression? Nervous breakdown? However you call this, it sure is one of the lowest point in my life. I dont know if I can still recover from this. Hopefully so, for the sake of my three-year old son.