Pedophiles -- Do you know how to spot a pedophile among your friends and family?

I think your courage to talk about this issue is great and will educate many people. Thank you for this post! I do not have children however I think this is advice anyone can use, parent or not. I have children in my life via relatives, friends, ect, and am always on the lookout when left to care for these children. One day I will have children and these are signs I will watch out for then too. I was molested as a child by a step-cousin and not a single person believed me until recently when he was arressted for molesting his own children nearly 20 yrs later. It is very important that people understand and believe children when they do speak up of such abuse and that these people get stopped and hopefully get the help they need to stop harming children.

1. Does the person constantly ask about the child when the child is out of sight? - nope 2. Does the person engage the child in "innocent" physical activities that lead to close body contact? - yes 3. Does the person suggest taking the child alone on outings? - yes 4. Does the person give special gifts to your child? - nope 5. Does the person seem more willing to spend social evenings babysitting your child, instead of spending time with adults? - nope mind you my abuser was my adoptive father...as much as those are good indicators I think ppl should also be aware that this isnt always how it works...Alot of those signs are too in your face so to speak for a child molester to attempt...they like to be coy, they like to NOT draw attention to themselves particularly a repeat offender/abuser....so a few of those signs wouldnt apply at all..and even if they do it woudl be done in a way that wouldnt seem out of place....for example takingn the child out alone....once a pedophile has established a place in the home taking the child out is no longer out of place....Also if its a family member it wouldnt be out of place at all really.... I think the biggest hurdle for the parent/caregiver of an abused child is the believing...If your child or a child you know comes to you sayign so and so has been "doing things/touching them etc" or all of a sudden they dont like being around the person and act all creeped out...PAY ATTENTION! LISTEN TO THEM, DO NOT BLOW IT OFF!, DO NOT MAKE LIGHT OF IT, DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR THE POTENTIAL ABUSER! That happened to me not only by my adoptive mother but ALSO by my sister (their bio child) who WAS ALSO ABUSED (misplaced loyalties to mummy dearest).. Pinpointing an abuse is a very difficult thign to do HOWEVER pinpointing a child who may have been abused ISNT....(not to say its easy either of course but you'll have a far better shot with that then trying to spot an abuser) very good topic Hadassah! Very important one too..

i don't think i do, but after seeing those shows on dateline, how to catch a predator, it could be anybody! but i trust my family and friends and know that none are interested in my kids like that! the one's i worry about r teachers, dr.'s, the ones i'm supposed to trust.

When I was about 5 years old, my uncle's father came to visit and he put his arm around me and he kept moving it until it was in my pants holding my bare bottom...Even at that age I felt something wasn't right...Which it wasn't...I didn't tell anyone, but I did stay away from him when he came to visit or we visited him...To this day I do not want anyone touching me...I am so sorry to hear about what you endured...thank you for sharing your tips, because it is such an awful thing that can happen to anyone...My children are grown but I have 2 grandsons ages 5 and 3 and they are always carefully watched when they are with me......Education is the key..

Its a horrible thing to think of. I am a mother to 3 girls and I worry about them all the time. I have never been a victim of abuse but I do have friends that were. One of my friends was abused by a female family friend. I never even thought about looking at my female friends and family memebers. I think that this sort of thing has been very much highlighted here in the Uk recently due to a few horrific events. The most recent seems to be the abduction of 4 year old Mddie from her holiday apartment in Portgual. It is now 56 days since she went missing and still no sign. We all live in hope of her being found alive and well. As a mother I think what you are doing is fantastic. The more that people know the easier it is to spot these evil people. I am only sorry that you had to go thru such a horrible time in order for you to be able to give us mothers this help. Thank you

When I was 5 I was molested by my older cousin who was 12 or 13 at the time. He may not have technically been considered a pedophile if he was 12, but he knew that his behavior was inappropriate and still went forward. If it hadn't been for my brother, who was 9 at the time, telling my parents I often wonder if things could have gotten worse. Because of what happened to my I have almost developed a sixth sense for who not to trust, but I know that won't protect my daughter. My daughter is only six months old, but I have already caught some men looking at her and commenting on her looks in a creepy way. I can honestly say that I don't trust anyone, but my husband and a few close friends around her, but I know that even those who I trust could be a very well hidden pedophiles. I'd also like to thank you for putting some of the warning signs up, because a lot of people don't recognize the warning signs until it is already too late.

MY son was aved from such experience when he came and told me that one of the relative's sixteen year old son rubbed him on the back with his thing. I have always encouraged him to speak about anyone touching him or showing him his private parts. I think its very important for a child to learn about it and have confidence to report it,and in no way feel its his fault.

I hope you realise pedophila is a mental illness, and if there are pedophiles in your circle of friends or family, don't reject them, but try to help them and encourage them to find help. Most pedophiles do hate themselves for their feelings, but when everyone turns away from them, they usually have no other choice than to turn to others with the same problem as them, and in those cases they'll frequently be told that what they feel isn't so bad, and they'll probably believe it too, as they'll find that others like them are only human too, and probably much nicer to them that the ones that rejected them instead of helping them.

The sad thing is, this description could also be a very loving or attentive aunt, uncle or family friend. I often ask my sister how her children are doing, I'm always willing to babysit, I take them on frequent outtings, and I buy special gifts for them when I have the money... because I LOVE them! Would people suspect me of being a pedophile???

I know in the US they have Sarahs law and now in the UK we have like a most wanted, the thing that gets me though is that the jail time served is no where near any thing that it should be. there is no deterant at all and whats 9 months in prison? you serve 3 months and are back out to re-offend. In my eyes this crime as bad as Murder if not worse, with Murder you life is over, with a crime such as this you live on but also have to live with the thoughts and nightmares left.

This didn't happen directly to me, it happened to my daughter, and the pedophile was her father...I had known him for 16 years when I he was arrested...an affectionate father was something I admired about him, because I always wished for affection from my own father...he was the pillar of his community...he was an alderman at his church, donating alot of his time...he was a hard worker and good provider...he was married, supposedly happily...It came as a shock to everyone that he had been molesting my daughter for 2 years...from the age of 9 till he was arrested when she was 11. He will be spending 27 years in prison for the things that he's done..as far as we know she is his only victim...but in essense we were all his victim, because he fooled us all!! My daughter is now 18 years old, just graduated high school with honors, and will be attending college in the fall...she wants to be a social worker, and help children...she has had the same boyfriend for 2 years and she has a healthy loving relationship with him...I do see distance from her with adult men...she will like someone I date, but will not get emotionally as close as my other kids will. So far she has blocked alot of what she's been thru...but she has become vocal about what happened and has done lectures in front of class about what has happened to her...she seems to be using what happened to her as a tool to teach others...just as you are here...which is a very admiral thing!!

For someone who has not criminology or phsycology experiance it is totally irresponsable for you to make such statements. I am from a close family and we all show an interest in others children, We all play with each others kids including play fighting, We all take each other kids on days out, and I have when asked stayed at home to babysit I have never read such crap regarding such a sencative issue, What you are saying will inciminate 95% of the population when you see your parents, family and friend they will ask how the kids are, they will be tactile whilst playing with them and offer to baby sit whilst you go out, Your comments if read would make a mother look out for those signs and possible incriminate inocent people whilst other who do not display these signs will go unchecked. The best thing to say to parents is use your common sense, If it makes you feel uncomfortable or if you have to question thier motives yourself, then there is something to worry about

I know from experience pedophile's can be your Grandpa or an Uncle. I not saying only, but in my prior experience they were. I cannot really say what to look for, because I was only 3-4, but it has made me very protective over my kids and knowing what I do, am very choosy who keeps them. I have asked my kids on more than 1 occasion if they have ever been abused in any way. I tell them I will not be mad at them. I know if my parents would have ever asked me I would have told. Not saying that in every case, but always make your child feel safe with you and talk to them. If your child acts hestitant towards a person ask why and do not assume they are just being shy, espescially if the child has known the person.

Everyone I do not know is a potential pedophile. I always keep my eyes out for people who address my children especially when they do it by their first name. WHich tells me that if we are in a store and a person approaches my child and calls them by their name that they have been watching them. I really hate it when a strange engages my children in conversation!!!

I feel a list like this lulls people into a false security. Your child is safe with NOONE! My now adult daughter was molested by a family member and even with the benefit of hindsite not one of those things in your profile fits. I was so careful about who I left my children with. My daughter was always with her brother and only with family members, and only ever when there were more than one person, and always a female. Her paternal grandfather molested her, while her grandmother was in the kitchen making a cup of tea, while her brother slept in a bed in the same room.

Oh thank you for your effort in sharing your views. I have read your post completely and I've learned something. Very informative and worth posting here in mylot. Sorry to hear that you have been a victim of this too. So far, Ive got one cousin that was raped by her father.

All the behavior you described could go either way Hada, you could actually be describing mt MIL, and I'm positive she is not a pedophile. But like I said, it could go either way. My oldest daughter was sexually assaulted by my now ex husband when she was 3 and 4 years old. NOBODY ever suspected this was going on, including myself. I have spoken about this alot here. My daughter didn't ever say anything until after him and I had seperated for other reasons, and even then it was just changes in her language that alerted me. Things like "daddy likes it when I pose in the bathtub." I reported him and after a long, traumatic court process he was sentenced to 6 years, he took a plea deal, he was looking at 30. The guilt I felt as a mother was unbearable for quite a long time, as well as the shame to find out had been "duped" by this man. He had a history of preying on single mothers and I was one of them. Thank you for your discussion and bringing more light to a growing problem in this country.

First of all i have to say that you choose a nice name. hadassah is the second name of the queen ester. and she is a hero in the bible. Now lets get to the response itself. I do know how to spot a pedophile among my friends and family. All you have to do is look at this persons behaviour when he or she is near children. Usually the eyes say everything, and the mimics of the face. There are alote of intelligent pedophiles, and it is going to take a long time to trace them if you will look for only the points that you said here. So i re-command looking at his face mimics, it can not lie.

That's good information to know, I just would like to think I never will run into any!

My heart goes out to you, and I congratulate you on surviving the torment of your childhood. I have 2 young cousins who were raped by their babysitter. the whole ordeal turned very ugly, and one of the girls no longer lives at home, because of the reaction she got from her parents. Basically, she was told *Look at all this trouble you caused. Just because you couldn't keep your mouth shut*. It's horriffic and the abuser was given a very lenient sentence, even thouh this was not his first offence, because the prosecution argued that he had a lower than average mental capacity. I am tired of *do-gooders* and political correctness setting these monsters free to prey on our kids. Much harsher sentences are needed, with mandatory psychiatric treatment. I am the mother of 2 young boys, and I am constantly paying attention to who is talking to them, etc. They are my whole world, and heaven help anyone who would dare to steal their innocence.