I want to work and I’m torn between two opinions!
@certified_alice (1854)
Philippines
June 29, 2007 6:01am CST
I haven’t worked since I was pregnant. Opportunities keep knocking my door at that time until lately but I refused myself to get into it because of my daughter which is 2 years and 3 months now. I think she is old enough for me to work again as I really miss going to work and aside from that we really have to earn money as my husband’s salary is not yet enough. We stay with my in-laws and I don’t want to be here forever. I am also concerned about my parents that lives in our province now. I want to help them in every way I can as farming made them look too old than their age. I know it’s my fault to marry someone with my early age but I don’t want to blame myself on conceiving my baby.
I have a job interview and examination on Monday and when I told this to my husband he didn’t want me to go. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for years and that makes me want to cry. I am losing confidence right now and I’m afraid if the time comes that I don’t want to work anymore, what will happen to me. Staying at home makes me dull because all I know is changing diapers, preparing milk and such! I want to be with my daughter too but I think I still deserve the chance to atleast regain my confidence on facing the outside world again. All I want is to try working again for atleast few months. It is just an examination and interview and I still have no clue of getting hired.
I keep asking for advise from friends and relatives if it’s ok to take that chance. Almost all advised me to go for it but there are still people who are against and that was my husband and my mother in law who asked me if who will tak care of her granddaughter.
Hope someone advice me the proper thing to do because all I want is a chance.:((
1 person likes this
5 responses
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Alice, You are in such a conflicted place sweet young woman; and I am afraid that no one can really give you advice as to what to do. The first response was the best. You MUST follow your heart and your head. It is rough when we have to make decisions that are "life altering" decisions; but the older we get, and the more responsibilities we take on, the more of these decisions we have to make. I promise though, Alice, after awhile the choices become more clear. Any decision you make should be a joint decision with your husband. I see you have discussed this with him and he is against it. Have you told him what you have told us? Have you explained your lack of confidence to him? Perhaps if he understands how desperate you are to remember who the Alice that is not a Mom, not a Daught-In-Law, and not a Wife is; he may feel differently. I wish you the best dear. ~Donna
1 person likes this
@certified_alice (1854)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
Thank you Donna. I am a person who often follows the heart so I've turned down the job offer. Maybe it's not really the right time as there's no one available to take care of my daughter as of now. And like what I've said above, I'll just wait for the time that my daughter is old enough to understand atleast a little bit of what is right and wrong and can take care of herself even without the help of others. Thank you so much for the time in providing me an advice. :)
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
3 Jul 07
Alice, Sometimes being an adult sucks! As you said there is a time for everything. Your "right time" will come along and you will know it when it greets you. You will regain that sense of who "Alice" really is again. In the meantime enjoy the time you get to spend with your daughter and treasure the alone time you have with her. ~Donna
@34momma (13882)
• United States
29 Jun 07
honey you get out there and get that job! don't let anyone take that away from you. if you want to work then get a job. if your husband has a problem with it, let him know that with the two of you working you can get your own place. if he can't support you with wanting to better yourself and your family then there may be a problem!
@certified_alice (1854)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
Thanks for the advice. I am sad but still happy as of now because I turn down the job offer because of my daughter. I think I have to let go of that opportunity again and wait for another because my daughter is very important to me as of now. I think there's a right time for me to work and maybe it's not the time now as there is no one available to take care of my daughter. I just promised myself that if there's a large opportunity next time, I've decided to grab it since I think my daughter would be older at that time *wink*
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
29 Jun 07
Just try to follow your heart's desire, afterall, it is for the future of your family too. Don't listen to other people who just let's you down, do not try to prove it to them but do prove it to yourself.
Always remember that, "oppotunities knocks only once." The offers that comes to you now may never be the same again, grab it and make good use of it.
@certified_alice (1854)
• Philippines
29 Jun 07
Thanks raijin, you always give good advice. What I feel for now is I'm a little depressed about the thing. It seems that if I choose not to take the opportunity I would still be happy because I'm happy with my daughter and if I've choose to work then who will take care of my daughter. I've texted my friend a while ago about my application, I hope that it won't be a bad thing if ever I give it up which really scares me.
@dentidle (293)
• Switzerland
29 Jun 07
hi dear certified_alice, what im going to write down is my own opinion. If you prefer to have another kid, then plan it right away, give another two years to bring that one up and then settle in your career. If you dont plan for another kid, dont hesistate, straight away keep applying for jobs until you get your dream job. I am in the same situation, its too late on my side, i have given 4 years of my life completely to my son, mine is a medical profession. I want to take a plunge into my career again, but im unable to as its too late. I could have had another child in this span of time and cud have settled for good. So no turning back friend, give it a go.
1 person likes this
@certified_alice (1854)
• Philippines
29 Jun 07
Thanks to you too for a wonderful advise. I am turning 24 this September and I think I am still young to have another baby which I still don't want as of the moment because of our financial stability. We stay with my inlaws and relies with my mother in law which has a marketing business. But I don't want to stay here for the rest of our lives! What I think now is who's going to take care of my daughter though I have someone in mind which I'm sure that the two obstacles will never agree.
@liquorice (3887)
•
1 Oct 08
Hi, my daughter's 2 and a half, and I'm also thinking of what to do next. I'm in the same position as you in that I haven't worked since I was pregnant, and I'm getting very desperate to do some work or some training of some kind. I think that if an opportunity came along that I really wanted to do, and it was possible from all angles (including childcare - it's availability and being happy that my daughter would be well cared-for and happy), then I would go for it. It's rare to get such an opportunity, and it will be good for your confidence, your well-being and your income!
I'm sure you've done this already, but explain to your husband what you've said in your post. You're stuck at home, while he gets to go out in the outside world. Hopefully he'll understand that if you're happier and more fulfilled then that's better for your daughter and for your family as well.
I hope you can sort it out. Go for it, you deserve it!
Good luck with the exam and the interview as well.
@liquorice (3887)
•
1 Oct 08
Sorry, I just read your responses to the other replies, and I see that you've turned the job down. If there's nobody to look after your daughter then that's understandable; you daughter's welfare has to come first. Like you say, hopefully it'll be easier, and there'll be fewer issues when she's a bit older.
Alternatively, maybe you could find some work from home, or do a course on the internet which will help you to get some work later one, and exercise your brain! That's something that I'm thinking of doing. 
