How much is too much....to tell your kids about their Dad
@monicathinks407 (311)
United States
June 29, 2007 9:36am CST
We split up over 6 years ago...and at first I thought the right thing to do was to build him up in their eyes. I thought it was my job to let them know that he loves them. But as time passes and he doesn't call them, doesn't spend time with them it just reminds me of why I stopped turning their "Al Bundy" type father into "Mr. Incredible". I left him because he didn't show any concern when it came to their care. Yesterday, my daughter and I saw the news and they showed a story about a child who fell off the balcony. Which reminded me of my own experience as I was at work...working on a saturday for Overtime...their father was at home with them and was sleepin because of hanging out till 6am. I am a hard worker and thought that the kids would be safe with him. When he didnt pick up the phone, I couldn't work anymore. I had to go home and see if everything was ok. Well when I got home ...my daughter at 3yrs old was standing on a chair on the balcony of our 2nd floor apartment. Now, my question is ...is it a violation of some sort to tell my daughter that her father was just as stupid as the parent she saw on tv? My daughter is very bright and I just feel that she should know the truth. That Mom is the one who kills herself day in and day out for her and her brother. Am i wrong? I mean he acts as if he is so concerned and I know the truth. What do I do ...hold it all in or is it ok to talk about these things with her?
2 people like this
7 responses
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
29 Jun 07
My best advice to you is to never say anything bad or untrue about her father. One day she will figure all of this out on her own.
I have a sister in law who left her ex husband because he was abusive to her. He never hurt their child but because he tricked her in to signing some papers he was able to get custody of their then four year old daughter. The daughter in question is now fourteen years old. She has learned on her own what kind of person he really is. He has never hit his daughter but he does abuse his new wife. My sister in law never told her daughter why she left the girls father. This past year her daughter asked her mom if she had left her father because of the abuse. When her daughter asked her that question she knew it was the right time to tell her. Now it has made them closer.
All I am trying to say is that you need to wait for the right moment to tell your children the truth about their father.
1 person likes this
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
29 Jun 07
That is a very tuff question, my husbands ex wife was as nasty as they come when it came to telling her kids that there daddy didnt care for them, and you know in time they began to believe it.In his case tho is wasnt so she just did it to be mean.When the kids became 18 they started coming around and there mom went a different direction in life, well after spending some time with there dad they began to see who was the bad parent.
now Im not one to make someone look good if they are not and if your the one supporting them I may mention a few things, but I thnk you might let it lay, in time the children will know who the true parent is, but sometimes they have to see it for thereselves eben tho it may take a few years when they are older.
1 person likes this
@spiritwolf52 (2300)
•
30 Jun 07
Don't put the dad in a bad light. But, don't make him out to be something that he is not. The kids will find out for themselves just what kind of person he is. They need to make up their own minds when they are old enough to do so. Kids aren't stupid, they see more than you think they do. When they are old enough, tell them the truth. Why is he like that?
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
I don't think we should lie to them because not all the time there are kids and no longer to be grown up someday and they will not undeerstand everything. Me I've been separated with my husband for almost 10yrs. but I never lied to my daughters that there father are irresponsible person thats why I have to be separated with him. But I also told them that there father loved them so much even though sometimes there are asking me why does their father never visited them but In a way of there father provide financially for them.
@marshall_blake2000 (304)
• United States
30 Jun 07
there is alot less let down for kids if they know the truth. or sometime better not to say anything at all.
@sirenna (34)
•
29 Jun 07
My first husband was evil he used to beat me up a lot I left him when my daughter (Hannah) was 9 years old. She came with me for 2 weeks then went back to live with him. 18 months later she wanted to come home, I was pregnant by my new partener, we took her back and had to listen to all the nasty things her dad had told her about me and my partener. How when my new baby was born I wouldn't want her anymore only the new one. He painted a picture where I was the one in the wrong. It's been 11 years she's 20 this year, I have 3 children altogether and love them all as much as each other.
Hannah soon realised what her father was like I didn't need to tell her she just knew, as I'm sure as your daughter grows up she'll know. At least she will know and understand you are the one always there or her and not putting her father down will help her in the end.
If you feel you want to tell her how it is then do so there is nothing wrong in telling her, but she will find out anyway herself.
@Withoutwings (6992)
• United States
29 Jun 07
In my experience it is better not to talk negatively about the children's father. If you talk negatively all the time about their dad, or blame him for things, they will be angry at you. It's better to keep things positive. The children will find out what kind of person thier father is on their own and make thier own decisions about it. As far as him not doing a good job watching them - you as the mother should teach them the way things should be done, and the dangers of playing on balconies, and safety rules. My mother made sure we knew what was right and wrong and then when we were with our father, we knew what we should and shouldn't do.
